How do you know if it's the right time to get out or STAY?

[moosmom]

What Johanna said!!

[NicoleLJ]

Hmmm maybe I see this differently because of my experiences with my ex. I could not imagine, when I was with him, my life without him. Didn't want too. My whole life revolved around him. I was dependant on him for my happiness and to feel whole. THAT IS NOT HEALTHY!!! He was very abusive to me and my children and thank goodness the relationship is over. I will never agian allow my self to feel like I can't live without someone.

My fiance is awsome. I love him dearly. OUr future looks bright and we are working hard towards our joint goals of where we would like to be. We can talk about everything and anything, enjoy all the same things and adore each others kids. BUT could I live my life without him? COuld I imagine my life without him? YES. Do I want to? I would rather not. I am not dependant on him for my happiness in life. Does he add happiness to it? YES. Does he help give me strength when I need it? Yes. Does he support me in the things I want to do? YEs. But could he take all that away, including himself and I could still be happy with my life? Yes.

Some of you may be confused by what I am saying. Others might get it. To me a life partner does not complete you. I used to see it that way but after a ton of counseling have since changed that view. You need to complete you first. If you are happy with yourself while you are with this person then that is what matters. If you are not complete within yourself while with this person then you need to reevaluate. I hope this makes sense.

[Anikaca77]

http://www.moviefone.com/movie/tyler...ied/29300/main

Synopsis
A couple (Tyler Perry and Janet Jackson) that goes on a therapeutic annual winter vacation designed to help couples work through their marital problems in a group setting finds the usual routine thrown into chaos when one of the wives arrives with a sexy young temptress in tow. Now, as the Colorado snow falls gently outside of their window, one couple will experience a bout with infidelity that will cause the entire group to question the validity of their own respective marriages. Diary of a Mad Black Woman mastermind Tyler Perry writes, produces, directs, and stars in this comedy drama that explores the complexities of modern marriage. - Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide


I saw this movie this past weekend at my sisters and it was a very mind opening movie for me. I've been doing a lot of thinking since I saw this movie and I don't know if this would help you in your thoughts but for me it's just making me think more but I've been thinking or wondering if I'm getting a divorce or not so I'm not sure if this movie is for you right now or not.

-Melissa

[CountryWolf07]

"I don't buy the "men don't talk", it was how they were brought up, a bad prior relationship, etc., type stuff. You are entitled to (and I suspect freely give of it) love on your terms...and there IS someone out there for you."

That's how I am feeling right now, basically. Mike says that he is brought up in a family where he never hears "I love you's" and feelings were just not "openly expressed" as much as I grew up in a family where feelings are SO open and we are a emotional family. He doesn't like to express his feelings, say how he feels.. and it's clear a lot of times how he feels about me through his actions/things he does around me. My dad is the same way, he never says how he feels... who knows? Is that too hard to believe? I've had his family relatives/friends comment to me randomly how much he reminds them of his dad before he passed away. I am starting to feel like I might be dating his "dad" at this point.. seems like! Not to be funny or anything. I had a serious conversation with my mom last night as well. My mom actually told me that she broke up with my dad when he didn't want to get married, but he still wanted to be with her, they had been together about the same length I've been with Mike. Dad begged and cried for my mom to take him back. She didn't. They were broken up for 6 months to a year, until somehow, they decided to come back together and get engaged, and now they are celebrating their 28th anniversary in July this year. It's like... I FEEL I am following in my parents' footsteps, but not "aware" of it. Just feels like I am doing the same thing my mom did 28 years ago. Make sense?

[RICHARD]

Well,

Because Wom is on vacation, I'll have to step into his shoes.


I spent 13 years with my GF and even tho it was not all wine and roses? IT worked. We had our differences and there were days that we didn't want to be around each other...but those were few and far between.

The talk of marriage did come up, but because of reasons beyond our control, it didn't happen.

I have never married so I can't say anything about THAT part of life.

I do know that not being married made me 'work' at the relationship all the time.

---------

One word of advice?

If you are sharing a place? Make a written declaration about the arrangement you have, Just in case.

When my dad died, I split my time between the GF's and my mom's place.

My GF came up with terminal CA and her kids took over her place and I was locked out.

I was not allowed to visit and when she passed I found out about it from the people that we worked with.

I know that the laws are different from state to state, but that will save you a huge amount of pain and hassle, should "life interfere".

No one can predict the future, but you can prepare for it.

[CountryWolf07]

Well,

Because Wom is on vacation, I'll have to step into his shoes.


I spent 13 years with my GF and even tho it was not all wine and roses? IT worked. We had our differences and there were days that we didn't want to be around each other...but those were few and far between.

The talk of marriage did come up, but because of reasons beyond our control, it didn't happen.

I have never married so I can't say anything about THAT part of life.

I do know that not being married made me 'work' at the relationship all the time.

---------

One word of advice?

If you are sharing a place? Make a written declaration about the arrangement you have, Just in case.

When my dad died, I split my time between the GF's and my mom's place.

My GF came up with terminal CA and her kids took over her place and I was locked out.

I was not allowed to visit and when she passed I found out about it from the people that we worked with.

I know that the laws are different from state to state, but that will save you a huge amount of pain and hassle, should "life interfere".

No one can predict the future, but you can prepare for it.

Thank you Richard for the advice! We do not live together, but we see each other every weekend. You're right, though.. no one can predict the future, but I can prepare for it.. That is how Mike is. He has said that about the marriage topic, etc. how "We don't know what will happen next week, next month, next year, even in 5 years.."

[NicoleLJ]

.. That is how Mike is. He has said that about the marriage topic, etc. how "We don't know what will happen next week, next month, next year, even in 5 years.."

To me that sounds like someone that is not ready for a commitment. Sure we don't know what life will throw at us. But if this is the person who someone is planning the rest of their life with then I would expect to hear that no matter what life throws our way I am going to go through it with you. But then that is me.

[carole]

I have to say i tend to agree with NicoleLj,he probably still loves you, but just does not want to settle down yet, it may come in time, or he may never want to go down the marriage route, so i guess as others and I have said before ,it really is up to whether you are content to stay as you are on his terms until he is ready, or whether you really want more, in your heart you know what you really want out of this relationship, and if it is more and he is not prepared to give more, then you have your answer really.

It is a difficult one though, because you obviously love him and from what you write he loves you, so why would you give that up, just because there is not a ring on your finger, only you and you alone can make this decision. good luck.

[king2005]

Hmmm... you said you don't live together, & only see him every weekend? That isn't even close for a recipe to even be talking about marriage IMO. You guys have no idea what the other is like day to day, or what its like to wake up to the other that might be ill, crabby, lazy, hyper, etc. Put the whole marriage thing on the back burner until you guys can live together to see if you even get a long. Just because you can have the time of your lives every weekend, doesn't mean it'll be all fun every day after day, & so on.

With the ways you were talking I thought you lived together... this changes the whole thing. Neither of you are ready for marriage period.. IMO.. Remember this isn't the ~19th century when people are put together by their folks, woman have no say in the relationship, etc... Get a place together & bring up marriage after 1yr of living together.

Weekend boyfriends are NOTHING like day after day boyfriends. You are also still young, there is no rush

[Karen]

You do not need to live together before you get married. Paul and I never lived together before marriage, and here we are 23+ years later.

Trust your gut is my only advice. My pastor, a few weeks ago, said he recommends marriage when you can't believe your good fortune that you found this person to love!

[Marigold2]

I think you already know the answer. Now you have to be brave and take the step.

[RICHARD]

I was thinking about this thread.

-----------------------

Sometimes we get too impatient with life and want to see what is up ahead.

It's like walking down the street looking thru a pair of binoculars. We do know what we may find at the end of the block, but you do miss out on everything immediately around you. There may be a crack in the sidewalk that will make you stumble, and you may hit it because you are busy trying to look ahead.


Does that make sense?


You'll know when to stop and use you 'binoculars' at the right time.

Until then?

Don't stub your toes or skin your knees.

There's plenty of time for that later on?

[DJFyrewolf36]

I was thinking about this thread.

-----------------------

Sometimes we get too impatient with life and want to see what is up ahead.

It's like walking down the street looking thru a pair of binoculars. We do know what we may find at the end of the block, but you do miss out on everything immediately around you. There may be a crack in the sidewalk that will make you stumble, and you may hit it because you are busy trying to look ahead.


Does that make sense?


You'll know when to stop and use you 'binoculars' at the right time.

Until then?

Don't stub your toes or skin your knees.

There's plenty of time for that later on?

Couldnt have said it better...my life the past couple of years has driven this lesson home lol.

[king2005]

Couldnt have said it better

I second that!

[CountryWolf07]

Makes complete sense...

I'm going to take someone's advice, and just let it roll out, see where it goes. To be honest, I need to relax and appreciate what I have now. I trust my gut, whatever it says, I stick with it. Until then, whatever happens, happens. I know it is difficult but life is not supposed to be easy. It's full of speed bumps to get through it. I trust that whatever I do, will be the right thing.