When family attacks/elder care and sibs rant.

[Catty1]

Involve your bro and SIL in this too. Put all his stuff out in boxes. Change the locks. Reserve a motel room for him and pay for the first night. Then he's on his own.

[Catsnclay]

Wow, I am so amazed at this whole thread........here I thought I was the ONLY one with a crazy family!!

I guess some of us would be wonderful canidates for the Jerry Springer show!!

As some of you know, my father has dementia (stage 3) and it all started to show about one year ago. Since then I have been through hell & back; learned a whole lot about my sister, mother and a lot of other family members that I thought that I knew. I am (still) learning about dementia, and I strongly urge you and anyone else that is gong through this to join a support group, they usually have one at the home or nearby hospitals. You will learn how to cope with your mother, family and YOU. You and your family members are going through all the stages of grief. Yes, grief - as in death. Dementia is a horrible disease that slowly kills your loved ones, you grieve now and through their entire disease and then again when they pass. It is not fun and I do not wish this on my worst enemy - and believe me, I am findiing out who they are very quickly!!

A little background about me & my 'wonderful' family:

I am the oldest and only have a sister who is 49, never been married only had one serious BF, blames all of her problems on my father & men. My mother does not help much, she & my father diviorced in 2002 after 48 years of (a horrible) marriage. They fought from the time they woke up till they went to bed - every day. The only time they didn't fight was in front of people, and they did this very well. My sister & I use to joke about their plastic faces they had at the front door. To know my parents you would think they had the perfect marriage, life, children etc. but close the doors and it was a living hell. My sister & I could do no right, we were losers and worthless. Good huh?!

My sister has never really had a job......she claims to be a 'Make-up Artist' - she lived in LA for several years and did make-up, but never joined the union, so she lived hand-to-mouth-to mom slipping her money.

Now that she lives back in AZ she decided to become a 'Fashion Designer' she has a website and sells mostly lingere - but not the kind a normal person would wear (sorry I don't mean to offend anyone, but I hope you understand what I mean). So between her make-up jobs & few and far between clothing sales, she still relies on mom.

Oh, and the biggest kicker...........when my parents divorced my father got the house, my mother got the house my sister lives in (they paid cash for a house for her with the idea of her paying them rent - ) and my mother put the house in my sister's name (HUH???!!!!) then she bought another house for her. So, yes you read this right.......my parents divorce and my sister gets a house - free and clear. - - -

The house was exactly 1 mile away from my father's house. The ONLY time my sister would go and see him was on her birthday, to collect the $100.00 bill he would give us. Never called when she found out he was sick, never stopped by (on her daily visits to Starbucks) to see if he needed anything, etc. She even told me that I was lying to her and he was not sick. She was in denial for many months. She never helped me move dad to his new facility, never helped me clean out his kitchen nor the rest of the house.........

BUT...........here she is now, in court trying to get Guardianship & Conservertorship away from me. We both had to go & get attorneys (and where do you think she got the money from?) to represent us. This is totally redicolous, stupid and a HUGE waste of time and money.

Actually she really doen't want anything to do with dad or his health, she is really after his money.


Surprised?

[Catsnclay]

Part 2 (sorry, I am on a soapbox and will now step down and get to my point!! )

Richard, any everyone else: you need to get all of the Power's of Attorney, get their wishes either written down or on a video. You have now become the proud "parent" of your parent. Trust me, it is not a fun job. Don't get me wrong, I love my father and I am doing all I can to make sure he is in a safe place, with 3 meals a day, clean room and clean clothes.

You are going to find out who really loves your mom/dad and who is really just hanging around with thier hands out.

If you & your family memebers did not get along before dementia, you will really not get along now. Dementia does NOT bring a family together.

The fighting, name-calling et-all only gets worse. You will most likely never speak to these people ever again.

You know the saying "Illness brings the family closer..." that is NOT true.


Trust me - everything MUST be in writing or you too will wind up in court, and it get ugly - fast.

What you are doing is RIGHT and do not second guess yourself.

Richard- you ARE doing the right thing, and do not let your family tell you otherwise.

P.S.

Follow the advise of others about your nephew......boot his 26 year old arse out & change the locks. You do not need to deal with him, or anyone else right now.


OK - time for me to stop my rant. Sorry if I went on & on.

Good Luck!

Bunny

[RICHARD]

OK - time for me to stop my rant. Sorry if I went on & on.

Good Luck!

Bunny

I wish I only had a rant that went for only two posts.

My nephew told my bro and SIL that "He couldn't stay here tonight" called his buddy then went to my mom's bedside to tell her that I threw him out of the house.


I am totally screwed. I have the feeling that my bouts with my AH relatives have only started...I was worried about fighting with them and you know?

I don't care because I feel like I am telling the truth...and the truth is on my side.

[Medusa]

I wish I only had a rant that went for only two posts.

My nephew told my bro and SIL that "He couldn't stay here tonight" called his buddy then went to my mom's bedside to tell her that I threw him out of the house.


I am totally screwed. I have the feeling that my bouts with my AH relatives have only started...I was worried about fighting with them and you know?

I don't care because I feel like I am telling the truth...and the truth is on my side.

His going to your mom's bedside to say anything to her other than encouragement is sleazy. That's shameful. Deep breaths, Richard.

[jazzcat]

His going to your mom's bedside to say anything to her other than encouragement is sleazy. That's shameful. Deep breaths, Richard.

Amen to that!

What your back Richard.

[RICHARD]

But, sad to say, that's the way things are.

Why do I have to baby everyone with phone calls or info?

I was thinking about this and I am over it. My bro, SIL and me are in this for the long haul. Even tho there are moments of sheer panic it will be all right.

I have to laugh because someone will make a smart arse remark and I'll tell them, "Thanks for coming over and talking to me or offering some help or insight"

Then the indignation will start and they'll say, "You never asked!"

There I'll have my answer.


I should have asked.

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I had a good talk with a social worker this P.M. A day at a time and hang tough!