Courtesy, manners and tradition

[sasvermont]

I have been the one chatting about the children and their lack of manners (and called them brats) and wrote about their bad behavior.

I assume we are allowed to go different directions with this topic without getting dressed down. I feel very comfortable saying that all children are not reared the same way - and some - probably many, grow up to be wonderful adults!

I suspect we learn how to be polite, courteous and kind, yes? And that parents play an immense role in how well children adjust in this society.

Times, they are a changing.

[Cataholic]

I have been the one chatting about the children and their lack of manners (and called them brats) and wrote about their bad behavior.

I assume we are allowed to go different directions with this topic without getting dressed down. I feel very comfortable saying that all children are not reared the same way - and some - probably many, grow up to be wonderful adults!.

You were not alone, I, too, went off on this tangent, as that was how I read the OP. And, I do think I can safely say we are "allowed" to do this.

I agree with Sparks (and not just cause she agreed with me, LOL) that the bad behaviour sticks out way more than the good or "normal" behaviour.

Randi- your comment about not curtsying before the Queen was quite funny! My parents are older than both of you and neither of them has ever given me an indication that bowing/curtsying was common in their day.

[RICHARD]

Is that like the pot calling the Kettles,
Ma and Pa instead of Mr. and Mrs.?

It's a joke, if you are old enought to remember the K's!



MY rule of manners is quite simple.

If I say it, I own it.
I can apologize.

If someone offends me?
Tough, I don't care and laugh.

---------------

I am going to toss this one out because I have come across thousands of boorish woman who complaing about manners.


If I open a door for you or wait until you pass in a narrow hallway or push my shopping cart out of YOUR way, take a second to say "thanks" or even look at me crooked.

Many of you -and NO ONE ON THIS BOARD- stick you noses in the air and walk on by, If a clutch of you walk thru and one says "thanks", the rest of you turn, embarrassed as such, and parrot the words so you aren't left out and we men can appreciate the fact that you are polite, you just had to be reminded....


At times I lean in and whisper, "You are welcome" to remind you that you don't see me there. Some women get the hint and will comment, others won't even bother.

If you do say, "thanks", I'll whisper to you....."that's one rule they haven't changed-YET!"
And we will share a laugh about it.

---------

I worked with some "royal" people who were pretty rude-some were nurses who would chastise me for opening a door for them. LOL, after that, If I saw them on campus heading for a door, I would make sure to beat them there and flip it closed on them. Rude works both ways and I don't have alot of time for royalty and people who think they deserve my courtesy.

[Cataholic]

Richard, I think I have posted this before, and it goes right in hand with your post. Jonah LOVES to hold the door open for people at his nursery school. (It irritates me, cause it makes me later than I want to be ). You would be amazed at the number of WOMEN- MOTHERS of small children themselves- walk by as if the cannot see a 4 year old holding the door for them. It makes me so flipping angry. The look in his eye sometimes...and, I do not make excuses for them. I tell him, flat out, "they have no manners, Jonah, but, you do and that is great!".

I don't care if they hear or not. And, yes, I realize that is rude of me. You hurt MY feelings, I will deal with it. You hurt my child's feelings, you'll deal with me. Seems fair.

I have held my fair share of doors, elevators, to other women, and they are usually lacking in the 'thank you' department.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I hold the door for ANYONE...male female or unknown -- young or old it really doesn't matter to me..

As the great Betty Freidan said...when a man apologized to her for holding the door..."I would have done the same thing for you if I had gotten there first."

I hold the door for people because it is the polite thing to do...not for the thank you.

(And yes...I am effusive if a young person holds the door for me and thank anyone who does.)

[Cataholic]

I hold the door for people because it is the polite thing to do...not for the thank you.

And, it is polite to utter a thank you, or a smile of recognition.

[Edwina's Secretary]

And, it is polite to utter a thank you, or a smile of recognition.

I can only control what I do ..not the other guy...

I'd like to expand...I hold the door because that is what I was taught to do. Of course a "thank you" is nice and expected. But I do not know if the person's mother just died, they just got fired, they are puzzling out the solution to world peace and are distracted.

So if someone doesn't thank me...I will not let that make me behave in a way that is not polite. Kind of ruins the whole thing, doesn't it?

[Twisterdog]

My sister talks a lot about going to school in the fifties and sixties ... she is seventeen years older than me. I swear, she is scarred for life by having to wear a dress every day. She said she has never been so cold in her life as riding a bus, walking to school, or standing out at recess in North Dakota when it was below zero every day, wearing a dress and dress shoes. All this while the boys wore pants, heavy coats and snowboots and had a ball playing. She said even when it was warm ... how do you play in a dress without boys seeing your underwear? So, I have to say good riddance to that silly rule!

I agree with Cataholic ... society has changed its views on children in the last forty years or so. And I think that is a good portion of the perceived change in manners.

It also depends a lot on the family, and the parents doing the teaching. I know a lot of people my sister's age who are rude and crass. And a lot of people my age (I grew up in the 70's and 80's) with very good manners. I was certainly raised to send thank you cards, address elders by Sir, Ma'am, Mr. or Mrs., say please, thank you and pardon me. I hold doors for anyone - doesn't the first one to a door always hold it? And my son, who is seventeen, was taught, and practices those same things, as do many of his friends.

[RICHARD]

(And yes...I am effusive if a young person holds the door for me and thank anyone who does.)

I saw a doctor for my effusion.


Cat,

And don't stop hammering the point home for Jonah, I cannot believe you are irritated for raising a gentleman?

Get a grip woman. That's your legacy and the women in his life will say, "Your mama raised you right!" Of course, you won't be there when that happens, you have to cut the apron strings some day.

Get over your bad self!

[Cataholic]

Cat,

And don't stop hammering the point home for Jonah, I cannot believe you are irritated for raising a gentleman?

Get a grip woman. That's your legacy and the women in his life will say, "Your mama raised you right!" Of course, you won't be there when that happens, you have to cut the apron strings some day.

Get over your bad self!

Go read the other threads, Richard, I won't EVER be cutting those apron strings!

[Medusa]

I hold the door for ANYONE...male female or unknown -- young or old it really doesn't matter to me..

As the great Betty Freidan said...when a man apologized to her for holding the door..."I would have done the same thing for you if I had gotten there first."

I hold the door for people because it is the polite thing to do...not for the thank you.

This is the true reason for courtesy, not because it's expected of us, but because it makes life that much more pleasant for us all.