Gosh i don't envey your situation at all, i am sure your daughter is just stressed and does not really mean what she is saying,still very hurtful all the same.

Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that she has taken this stance with you, we all want to be there for our children in hard times,but is sounds like your daughter is making that very difficult for you to do just that, honestly she just has to meet you half way, or it's no way, as for being a built in babysitter, that is not fair either, you have your own well-being and life to think about as well,be there for her as much as you feel you can, I am sure if she got a place of her own nearby, you would beable to pick and choose your time with her and the children, and help whenever you felt it was possible or needed, anyhow good luck, and try not too feel guilty, because you have nothing to feel guilty about ok.