Opinions needed

[catnapper]

My brother and his wife are expecting baby #2 any day now. I was talking to my mom today and she's REALLY worried about my Aunt (her sister) coming in and acting like she did the last time. She basically swooped in, pushed my mom and the other grandmom out of the way and started to boss people around. She also had her daughter with her (she's 15, but has a lot of developmental problems, so she's mentally about 8) and the girl was loud and intrusive too.

Not to go into a long (and very boring) story, we'll skip to the ending: she basically offended EVERYONE (my mom included) and caused a major family fight between my mom, my aunt, and the in-laws. My SIL said that what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life turned into a nightmare. She cried all day long the day her son was born instead of being happy -- all because of what my aunt did.

When my nephew was born, I was very sick and on antibiotics, so my brother and his wife decided that it was best for me to hold off meeting my nephew until I was healthy... so I missed the whole hospital room drama.

Fast forward to now. My aunt calls my SIL daily for updates on the pregnancy and has determined that she will be in the delivery room again (she's a nurse that works in the neighboring hosptial, and sometimes picks up shifts at the hospital SIL is having the baby) Anyway, mom, SIL and my brother are all working up ulcers in fear of what stunt she's going to pull this time. Mom is basically looking to me to be the one to tell my aunt to go take a hike. I actually have no problem doing that because I feel she NEEDS to hear it. I also only see this aunt once a year (Christmas Eve at my mom's house) and if I say something to make her hate me its not such a big deal - I only see her once a year, so by next Christmas her hate should have cooled by then!

Anyway, to make matters worse, mom says my aunt is now suicidal. She had to file bankruptcy, her 18 year old son is ruling the roost, her daughter is basically failing school and hanging out with trouble (the 15 YO special needs girl) Mom is afraid that if I say something my aunt might actually make good on her threat (yes she has threatened to commit suicide.)

So what do I do? Sit idly by and watch her ruin my brother's big day? Let my brother handle it? Mom won't say anything, so I know not to count on her steping in. Should I step in and keep her away?

[caseysmom]

I think you could gently tell her that they want the day alone, I guess she may find out if others are there but oh well. Or since you weren't there last time you could mention that she has asked for you to be there and doesn't want too many people there.

[Tonya]

I personally think it's your SIL and brother's duty. You shouldn't have to involve yourself in it. If it's that important to them, they should find the courage to tell her ahead of time.

I kind of had the same problem. I felt so bad for my SIL when she was in labor. The family was all piled in there acting like idiots. By the time she had to push, she was sooo exhausted. If everyone wasn't standing in there causing trouble all day, she could have been resting and preparing for her hard labor.

I knew that there was no way in heck that I was going to go through the same thing. I wouldn't expect another family member to do the dirty work for me though. I have let it be known that no one will be in the room except my husband and possibly my son. There are lots of people that are upset and bothered by it but it's my decision and my childbirth, so they can bite me.

Maybe I'm just grumpy right now though. lol. Don't listen to me.

[Miranda_Rae]

I also think it is your SIL's duty to tell her that she doesn't want her doing what she did last year. I am sorry for her, though, that she had to go through that crap. No one deserves to be treated that way on their special day. I couldn't image people in the delivery room with me other than my husband. I am a very private person., but thats just me. So my advice would be to talk to your SIL or just leave it up to her without saying anything, but to me its her place, not yours.

[jenluckenbach]

Dear brother's duty, plain and simple.

If you really want to help, try distracting the aunt. She sounds troubled and possibly doesn't realize what she does is wrong.

[mina'smomma]

I would tell your Aunt that it is your brother and SIL's wish that just IMMEDIATE family be in the delivery room because it was too stressful on your SIL last time. If your aunt can't understand that and shows up again just politely tell the doctor to have her leave. Besides nurses are suppose to be able to work on family members. By blood or marriage.

[catnapper]

Thanks everyone! Problem is... SIL would rather a huge family fight than tell my aunt to back off. SIL is one of those people that HATES to confront a person, and so is my brother. So instead of confronting and nipping a problem in the bud by politely telling my aunt to back away, they end up with a major family war. I don't understand their logic, but there it is! They say "I don't want to hurt her feelings" meanwhile my aunt is pushing everyone around and making everyone else miserable... but hey, they didn't insult my aunt!

I'll be nice and smile. I won't say anything, but if I do see things getting out of hand, I won't be able to bite my tongue! My aunt and I got into a bit of an arguement on Christmas Eve -- she is so broke she can't buy groceries half the time yet she can pay $500 a month for my 18 year old cousin's car insurance??? No way! That lazy kid can get off his butt and get a job to pay for his own insurance! She came up with a hundred and one excuses... then I looked at my cousin and told him he should be ashamed of himself for mooching off his mother. If looks could kill!!! He shot me was like "nobody talks to ME like that!" Ahh... my family! such a bunch of loonies!

[Cataholic]

Your brother's duty......if he can't muster up the courage for he and his wife's sake, it CANNOT be that big of a deal.

It sounds like difficult enough news to handle, but, coming from you (not the main character) it will be worse.

[cookieluver7]

Don't say any thing that you think would make her upset. Sit her down nicely and have a short little talk. And if she starts to get really upset just say something like, "maybe we should discuss this a different time." Good luck

[Laura's Babies]

You SIL and brother could prewarn her doctor that this woman will be trying to come in and upset everyone with her bossy ways, possiably even try to boss the doctor and they would prefer to have her STAY out so the new Mom to be can focus on the task at hand... Here in Louisiana, the doctor has to know in advance WHO is going in and who isn't before you even go in the hospital.. Only "X" number of family are allowed and the ones having the baby decided WHO they want there...

I agree with those that said, having a baby is PRIVATE and I don't like to confront people either but I would be REAL QUICK to to tell that doctor I do NOT want that woman in there and the hospital BETTER keep her out!! (WHY does she have to be called when she goes in... KEEP it quiet until she has her baby!!)

Excuse me here but WHO's feelings are more important to your brother? His aunts or his WIFE'S? He would LET that woman come in and tromp all over the birth of his baby, possiably causeing so much stresss that something would go wrong with the birth??? HE needs to stand up like a man and protect his family!

As far as YOU saying anything... The less stress that day, the easier the birth will be. Don't you become part of the problem by opening your mouth, the last thing needed in the labor room is 2 women going at it so you must either LEAVE or suck it up and keep your mouth shut. You can NOT speak for your brother, he has to speak for himself...

(Sorry if this all sounds to "rough" to you but I am on Dr. Phil's side and can "get real" when I need to.. Did not intend to hurt your feelings)

[catnapper]

LOL... LAura, I agree completely with everything you said. Not rough at all. Thank you for the honesty! My brohter definately needs to be a man here. Hewould prefer to ignore everything hoping it would go away.

[moosmom]

so they can bite me.

GO Tonya!!!

I also think your brother needs to speak up. He's a man, about to become a father again. It's between the three of them. Period! I'd politely tell her that HE will call HER when the time is right for her to visit. I would also instruct the doctor and the hospital staff that your aunt is NOT allowed in the delivery room, nurse or not, and explain why. Childbirth is a very exhausting experience. The new mother's role is to rest and take care of the new baby, while others do all the stuff she can't. If the Aunt can't take a hint and is THAT loony, she needs to stay home.

Whenever anyone I know has a baby, I always wait a couple of weeks before I CALL and ASK when is a good time to visit.

[Laura's Babies]

CN, she is NOT going to go away! He can hope all he wants to.

Can't you all just keep it hush, hush until it is over.... tell as few people as you can and quietly go and have the baby, then when she is up to company, make the big "announcement".... THEN, if she wants to know why she wasn't called in your company...tell her!.... and I'd say "We didn't tell you because we didn't want you there to pi** the doctor off and to upset the new Mom."

[catland]

First, remember that you cannot reason with a crazy person, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

The first thing to do would be to not tell her when its time. The second thing to do would be to not tell any relative that might break this trust and tell her behind everyone's backs.

Your brother needs to grow a spine and defend his wife and mother of his children. He needs to leave orders that the aunt is not allowed in the delivery room and should be ready to call security if she tries to get in.

This aunt sounds like one of those pathetic people who always has to be the center of attention and behaves like a spoiled brat when she isn't. Don't bother arguing with her.

Best of luck on the blessed event - I hope it can be that this time.

Finally, consider showing this thread to your brother. To the brother - congratulations on becoming a daddy again. Now defend your wife and child and don't allow the maniac aunt to ruin your day. Think of how appreciative your wife will be for the rest of your life if you can rise to the challenge and be her knight in shining armour.

[moosmom]

Right on Catland and Laura's Babies! Who's birth is it anyway???