Opinions needed..............

[mike001]

You have the answer to your question under your nose. What your daughter said to you about not seeing your grandchildren because you can't help is selfish and immature.
Invite her to live near you, make it clear that she must find her own place because of your health issues and make it clear that she is the mom for the kids, not you. Sounds like she needs to grow up fast. It didn't work before, it won't work now. I wouldn't put my health on hold for her problems that she herself created. Make it very clear that she will have to get a job to support herself and her kids.
If you can spare the money, offer to pay first month's rent on a place and then she's in charge.
I think it's called tough love. The dividends are great in the end though. Good luck.

[Catty1]

Actually, Mike - I think Tiff's comments to her mom put her in just the right spot for her to work everything out for herself, as she should.

If Tiff has cut Kym off - FOR NOW - then she can go ahead and do it her way. A few good doses of humble pie won't hurt her one bit.

"...if [Jesse} doesn't nail her first." LOL

Kym - sounds like you can let this one slide - Tiff has to figure this out by herself, is PO'd and taking it out on everyone. That is my guess.

HUGS to you...Look after yourself and maybe she will learn to do the same.

[cassiesmom]

HUGS to you...Look after yourself and maybe she will learn to do the same.

Hugs from here, too, and prayers and good thoughts.

[carole]

Gosh i don't envey your situation at all, i am sure your daughter is just stressed and does not really mean what she is saying,still very hurtful all the same.

Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that she has taken this stance with you, we all want to be there for our children in hard times,but is sounds like your daughter is making that very difficult for you to do just that, honestly she just has to meet you half way, or it's no way, as for being a built in babysitter, that is not fair either, you have your own well-being and life to think about as well,be there for her as much as you feel you can, I am sure if she got a place of her own nearby, you would beable to pick and choose your time with her and the children, and help whenever you felt it was possible or needed, anyhow good luck, and try not too feel guilty, because you have nothing to feel guilty about ok.

[Laura's Babies]

Don't let her remarks about not letting you see them ruffel your feathers any. I would laugh at that and be on my merry way and she would never know I worried for one minute about that.. Because I know the first time she needs a babysitter, guess who she will call.

My grand daughter does that to her mother and she gives in every time giving that girl more and more power over her. She comes in that house whenever she want and "takes" anything she wants (I call it stealing) and if Mom complaines, she uses the threat of keeping the kids away to "whip" Mom into place. She takes money, their car, even her Mom's clothes, or whatever she wants. Don't EVER let her use that on you and have it work, you would be opening the door to God only knows what.

I had only one child that tried that one on me because he used it on their other grandmother and it worked. I told him "fine" and went on to the next subject without hesitation. Before the day was out he called back and wanted to know if I could keep them that night... Nope, I had plans that night.. LOL! He NEVER use that on me again! Believe me, it is all in how YOU respond to their threats and blackmail. (It only works if you let it)

[Daisy and Delilah]

Actually, Mike - I think Tiff's comments to her mom put her in just the right spot for her to work everything out for herself, as she should.

If Tiff has cut Kym off - FOR NOW - then she can go ahead and do it her way. A few good doses of humble pie won't hurt her one bit.

"...if [Jesse} doesn't nail her first." LOL

Kym - sounds like you can let this one slide - Tiff has to figure this out by herself, is PO'd and taking it out on everyone. That is my guess.

HUGS to you...Look after yourself and maybe she will learn to do the same.

Well said!!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Do you have any other family members living with you? If so, what effect would the change in arrangements have on them?

[DrKym]

My husband my 10 year old son and for 6 months of the year Jaspers 4 kids,
along with 3 dogs 4 big birds, 8 little birds , 13 cats and a snake.

It isn't as much about her as it would be me being stressed over little ones and their fingers with some of the rescue birds, Goof would be crated almost 24/7 as she doesnt like little kids, she grew up with Adrian but hates his friends even so when he has friends over she is crated or in the office with me.

Tiffany needs to simply stand on the feet I gave her, and stop thinking that everyone else owes her anything. I am sorry but I have done my part, the last straw was her saying I won't see the grandkids. I hope her soon to be exes parents will sit for her, oh wait they charge her for sitting.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Sorry to hear about your tough situation. I just read through these posts and I think you made the right decision.

My brother did the same thing to my mom last year- moved into her house with his 4 year old son. My poor mother, who is the nicest person on the planet and has the hardest time saying "no," aged more in that one year than she has in the last 5. My nephew, while he is smart and cute and a great little guy, can wear a person out in 10 minutes. Luckily, my brother has moved on and she decided if ever he wants to live with her again, she will just say have to say no for her own sanity.