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Thread: Opinions needed..............

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,166
    Hi Doc,
    Not real sure if I can be of help here, as I'm a foreigner, and I'm sure our "system" here in Australia is a bit different....but I'm going to try and give it my best shot.
    What sort of safety nets has the government over there provided for situations such as this ???? Has she any right to public housing ??? And if so, can that housing be provided within a reasonable travelling distance .....
    a) to you (so that you may assist your daughter when YOU feel able)
    b) to her her ex hubby (who must have some sort of access rights.)
    I would think, that your daughter must have some recourse to Government assistance because she has a child with a disability. And because of this, she may able to receive some sort of government monetary assistance whilst trying to get a job to work part-time so that she may eventually become more independent. There are schemes going that help people in situations like your daughter, there are here, I'm sure there must be in the US to.
    I would agree with what the other PT'ers here have written..... in that you should speak to your daughter about your own health issues, and whilst not trying to be of an "I don't want you here" opinion, be more like a "I'm mom, and I'm here to help, but my health isn't too crash hot at the moment" opinion. I'm mean you may also have to spell it out to her....like the fact that she left home as a child into that big bad world out there, had kids, taken on all the responsibility of life that she thought she could handle, and has now figured out that life isn't as easy as she thought , and it's time to come home to mom and dad......that this is not on !!!!!
    Whilst I do feel sorry for her and this situation that she is in.....I do feel that she should at least TRY and get on now with her own life the best way she can, like pick up the pieces all by herself. I know this may sound a little harsh Doc, but it isn't impossible, even with a disabled child, given that some sort of support is available thru the Government. And then, you can just help out when you feel you're ok to do that, and health permits.
    That's my thoughts on the matter mate.
    Wom

  2. #2
    Great advice Wombat.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Windham, Vermont, USA
    Posts
    40,861
    I will echo the others, especially after you said that you never hear from her unless she needs something. If she's been working on the divorce for a while now, she should also have been working on the "what next" plan. If it didn't please her to be living with you when she was 17, it's not going to be any easier now.

    My siblings and I were informed - even before we were even of child-bearing age - that my mother was NOT going to be a "babysitting grandmother." Just because you are a grandmother, that doesn't mean you have to agree to let them all live with you!

    We were also raised knowing "You make your bed, you lie in it." As in, we'll always love you, but don't expect us to bail you out of messes you make.

    If your daughter doesn't know these things by now, well, it's never too late to learn 'em!

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