"Helicopter" parenting

[Bonny]

Those good old science projects.

I helped my cousins boil up a dead fox in a huge kettle in their basement on the canning stove. It stunk the house up & we were told to take the fox back outside. We ended up using lye to get the meat off the bones. I drew a picture of a fox on some poster paper & we found a dog skeleton diagram at a book store up in St. Paul. We could not afford the book & low & behold a friend that was along with us tore the picture of the dog diagram out of the book. My aunt was not happy that he had done this.

We worked together mounting the bones on a board using my uncles hand drill & wire. Then we glued the description of each bone on paper & matched them up. My cousin got a blue ribbon for his project.

I had a wild carpenter ant farm in a huge pickle jar. I remember drawing a huge carpenter ant on poster paper. I got the ants out of a hill near an old dead log not far from my house. They were tunneling in the pickle jar & we put honey & water in a small Canada Dry lid for them. There was a lid on the pickle jar ant farm & one day my little sister opened it. The ants were escaping all over the house. When we picked them up I remember their mandibles pinching our fingers. Dad said don't hurt them we can get them rounded up. Well we made it to the school gym where it was very cool. The carpenter ants went into hibernation. I remember getting a red ribbon on that project.

Those were the good old days. Where our parents left it to our own wild imaginations.

[Karen]

Actually, Cataholic, this conversation brings to mind a former coworker of mine I haven't seen in many years. She was such an overly involved parent in her daughter's life that, when that daughter was a mother of three young children herself, and her house was on fire, she called her mother before she called 911 or the fire department! When I heard her mother fairly shouting, "Wendy, hang up with me and call 9-1-1!" more than once, I knew that was a bad sign!* I am sure you are raising Jonah to call 9-1-1 in an actual emergency!

*Thankfully, the fire was just in the top floor, and the children were not injured apart from some smoke inhalation, my coworker called 9-1-1 herself after she hung up with her daughter, just in case!

[Lady's Human]

If EVERY (or most) kid's science projects are done at daddy's workshop, and they score high, and your kid doesn't- you have a choice there. I know what MY choice would be.

My choice is to go to the school board meetings and get the schools to clamp down on projects done out of a can or with parents blatantly doing most of the work.

My son's science project this year is entirely his idea, he's going to do the work, I'm contributing 1 gauge and some time to the effort.

My daughter's science project will involve communication with Osearch to answer question she has for them about their work tracking great whites.

Their grades aren't important to me, as the science fair is extra credit, and frankly, neither child needs the extra credit.

The day I do the bulk of the work for them is the day satan skis. However, you can look around the science fair and easily pick out which projects were the result of the child doing the work and which was the result of the parents.

They are both well in advance of their grade levels on science and math, and they have gotten their mainly on their own. I've assisted, and directed their studying, but I will never give them an answer. They have the tools, they can find the answers themselves.

[Karen]

They have the tools, they can find the answers themselves.

Reading this sentence (and because LH is my brother for those who don't know that) I am suddenly hearing a chorus in my head of "Look it up!"

If any one of us asked "what does xxxxx (fill in word or phrase of your choice) mean?" We'd hear "Look it up!!" from Ma, Pa, older siblings, any grandparents in attendance - there were good unabridged dictionaries on both floor of the house, and we were expected to use them!

[lizbud]

Those good old science projects.

I helped my cousins boil up a dead fox in a huge kettle in their basement on the canning stove. It stunk the house up & we were told to take the fox back outside. We ended up using lye to get the meat off the bones. I drew a picture of a fox on some poster paper & we found a dog skeleton diagram at a book store up in St. Paul. We could not afford the book & low & behold a friend that was along with us tore the picture of the dog diagram out of the book. My aunt was not happy that he had done this.

We worked together mounting the bones on a board using my uncles hand drill & wire. Then we glued the description of each bone on paper & matched them up. My cousin got a blue ribbon for his project.

I had a wild carpenter ant farm in a huge pickle jar. I remember drawing a huge carpenter ant on poster paper. I got the ants out of a hill near an old dead log not far from my house. They were tunneling in the pickle jar & we put honey & water in a small Canada Dry lid for them. There was a lid on the pickle jar ant farm & one day my little sister opened it. The ants were escaping all over the house. When we picked them up I remember their mandibles pinching our fingers. Dad said don't hurt them we can get them rounded up. Well we made it to the school gym where it was very cool. The carpenter ants went into hibernation. I remember getting a red ribbon on that project.

Those were the good old days. Where our parents left it to our own wild imaginations.

I loved your childhood experience story.LOL Hilarious, and I thought my childhood was "interesting". Thanks for the chuckles.

[RICHARD]

I, as a kid, always dreamed of building a Soap Box Racer.

The closest I got was stealing a metal shopping cart, hacking it up with a hack saw and pushing it around the yard (Carefully hiding it from 5 p.m. until 3 p.m. the next day)

When I looked up the cost of a kit and the time and materials -plus those scary electrical tools - I knew I would never be able to get one made.

That said?

I laugh when I see the SBRs over the last 10 years?

It's all BS from some parent who has a giant workshop and does 95 percent of the work...

I was happy with 4 wheel stuck on rebar and held in place with nails - now the dads do the coefficent of drag tables and build a wind tunnel to test the cars before they ever get out of the garage.


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Today I was watching the news and they were talking about common mistakes on resumes......They were looking for brevity and good spelling, not the twixter short hand and abbreiations that was finding it into some applicant's sheets.

I went 2 skool 4 for years and had a degree in Comp sci.

I guess when you are in doubt, you can ask your parents to correct your spelling, if you aren't sure.

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And regarding 'Look it up?'

Some counties here in KY are voting to allow kids to use cell phones in the class rooms to help them "look up info".

hehehehehehehe...

[mrspunkysmom]

Actually, Cataholic, this conversation brings to mind a former coworker of mine I haven't seen in many years. She was such an overly involved parent in her daughter's life that, when that daughter was a mother of three young children herself, and her house was on fire, she called her mother before she called 911 or the fire department! When I heard her mother fairly shouting, "Wendy, hang up with me and call 9-1-1!" more than once, I knew that was a bad sign!* I am sure you are raising Jonah to call 9-1-1 in an actual emergency!

*Thankfully, the fire was just in the top floor, and the children were not injured apart from some smoke inhalation, my coworker called 9-1-1 herself after she hung up with her daughter, just in case!

This is my concern. If the parents are overly involved, Helping or placing too many restrictions, you get one of two scenarios. The one above where the child remains dependent on the parent or a rebellious child. Neither is good.

I have students in my classroom that can only behave when you re super strict or even mean. They don't know how to manage their own behavior and make decisions. If they are not forced to follow some explicitly stated rules, they run amok.

No one has taught them how to manage their actions or make decision based upon the environment.

That mother was overdoing it a bit.

just my two cents.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I think there are a lot of ways to successfully parent, and no one way is right for everybody. I know how competitive it is in schools today (I work in the education field) - BUT, I also think children need to be given the freedom to fail sometimes. I think that learning from mistakes is an important way to build true self-esteem. I think sometimes that all of the pressure on kids and parents to have an edge or be the best makes this impossible, which is a shame.

The most extreme example I saw of this was at an open house for my PhD program. Doctorate and master's students were at the college to find out more about the programs they had entered. A student who was entering a master's program had her mother with her, and her mom was interviewing the faculty while the student sat silently. She was probably only 22, but as a college graduate I would hope she had the skills to do this without her mother's help...

[sparks19]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

We are all about looking it up... That's practically the homeschool motto. Don't know the answer to something? Well, why don't we do some research.

However, I will not leave Hannah (who is only turning 6 so that's a factor) to get frustrated and discouraged in her education in the name of "suck it up and do it yourself". I remember what school was like for me and I genuinely struggled with different subjects and needed someone to really sit down with me and isolate the issues I was having and help me work through them. I don't ever want to ignore a genuine need for the sake of "learning a lesson".

If that makes me a helicopter parent or if someone else disagrees with my tactics... So what. I am confident in our choices and I don't need validation from other parents. Hannah is a very well rounded child. She is very bright, sociable, and happy. Also, I want to instill self respect over "self esteem".

I don't want her to believe that she's going to be great at everything she ever tries... Because that's a lie. I want her to be able to accept the things she is not so great at without it crushing her. The "you can be great at anything" mentality is why we have weeks of American Idol audition episodes filled with nonsense and people who can't handle rejection.

But I am absolutely going to be there for her and help her

[Karen]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

We are all about looking it up... That's practically the homeschool motto. Don't know the answer to something? Well, why don't we do some research.

That's good! Now, Hannah has the benefit of modern technology, and "looking it up" will not require wresting the unabridged dictionary from its hiding place, which always required two hands - and still would! Computers have made dictionaries available with no straining involved! It's a happy thing!

[Lady's Human]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

The science fair project is an example, a symptom of the disease, if you will. The behavior goes across the spectrum, though. My child isn't going to fail at anything, so I'm going to help him/her with everything.....to the point that they can't do anything by themselves.

[snakemama]

I DO the hiring at my store, and no WAY would I hire someone whose mom came in and talked them up like that. I HAVE hired a few kids whose parent came by to shop and said something like "Are you hiring? My son knows horses and he needs something part-time!"

In the situation Karen described, if I were on the receiving end of that I would be thinking to myself that if the girl couldn't come chat with me about her own qualifications and skills, what CAN she do on her own? I want employees who don't have to be micromanaged and can get stuff done without me guiding them every step of the way. I do NOT want employees who have always had help with everything and therefore can't do anything without guidance.

I have one of those right now. I feel like a preschool teacher because I'm CONSTANTLY having to come up with projects and things for this employee to do. The rest of them can generally figure out what needs doing and only need occasional input from me. THEY get raises, paid holidays, health and dental insurance, and vacation hours. The one who needs constant guidance? I just keep cutting hours....

[Lady's Human]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

BTW, threatened? Hardly.

[Bonny]

snakemama,

Where I work we ended up making a list of things that need to be done for everyday of the week. Then the employees check them off as they are done. You might want to consider doing something like that.

Four years ago we had a parent come to the museum & she wanted her 14 year old daughter to be a tour guide. One of the many directors we have gone through hired her. She is a pain in the butt for sure. We cut her hours also & she can't figure out why? She needs the money but doesn't want to work for it & is broke & can't go of to school because she has NO MONEY. She has worked at the museum for four years & should of socked some money away?

[RICHARD]

Bubble Wrap.


Bubble Wrap all children, then put them into a box?

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Look it Up.

Growing up, I had the most wonderful reference library at my disposal.

It was about 120 books and it ranged from a kid's encyclopedia to Funk and Wagnalls to some other dictionaries and odds and ends.

Dewey, and his decimal system would have gone crazy because no set was complete.

If you looked at the shelves on either side of the fireplace you have thought that Funk and Wagnalls knew about A thru F and had lost the rest of the alphabet. The same with all the rest of the 'sets'.

My dad would somehow find these jewels, St thru W, a volume of the Time-Life science set, or some other book of knowledge, bring them home and pop them onto the shelf.

It really didn't matter that they were incomplete, they had photos and words, stories of places I wanted to go, stay away from? Wars and peace, animals and plants, time past and time yet to come.

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It really doesn't matter what you do for a kid or how you treat them growing up.

You have to instill the idea of wonder, the (as hokey as it sounds) thirst for knowledge and information.

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Giving a kid an iPhone or a tablet isn't going to to sh*t for them.

First take them to a Library and show them how to use a book, a reference card, teach them how to THINK ABOUT HOW TO GET THAT ANSWER.

Typing a bing, google or asking that stupid broad on your cell phone is gonna get you the answer that THEY want you to have, It's the answer that everyone else gets, too.

The Paper Trail in the library is fraught with all kinds of pitfalls.

It turns a simple question into a search for an answer with all kinds of detours, u-turns and OTHER questions. You can start at why the sun is hot or what it is made of and end up with quantum mechanics. How's about why plant leaves are green and how that is associated with sunlight? And maybe gets into why a koala only eats eucalyptus leaves, why a panda eats bamboo and you then end up in China at the end of a few hours wandering the aisles of a library?

My 'wireless device' isn't going to allow me to find those answers the way a library will and when you get the bill at the end of the month.......oh, THE LIBRARY WON'T SEND YOU ONE!

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In the evenings we sit down to watch Jeopardy! and at least once during the program Doris and I look at each other and laugh about the inability of a twenty-something to answer a simple - I mean really simple - question.

Sometimes the best players aren't the PhDs, MBA or doctors (We really laugh at them) - it's a bartender, or some nanny, a working stiff from a warehouse? It the people who seek out info and absorb it like a sponge.

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Looking back, I wish I would have had children.

They would bleed from the knees from playing, get into trouble from breaking a window or being out too late.
They would say "Yes Sir" and "No, Ma'am" but would talk too much in the classroom. They'd know what a walk in the park is and learn how to skip rocks in the water.

They would know sports and fixing things, ask me questions that I'd answer, "I don't know, let's go figure this out....."
They'd be rebellious and I'd get compliments about their behavior in public, because like my parents, I go corporal on their arses, then explain why and what they needed to do to prevent that in the future.

Then I would tell them that I loved them.

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The other phenomenon is the "Tiger Mom Syndrome".

Um, you can take my word for it, or you can look it up.