Quote Originally Posted by RICHARD View Post
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I could have gone to work as a laborer taking bricks off a conveyor belt or as a stockperson in a toy store - my parents both could have easily got me a job, but I was so proud and happy that I did it on my own, I never looked back and made sure that I hustled to keep my job.
That's been my experience too. When is "helping" really not being helpful in the long run? My example: We have a friend who is a single parent of twin girls. When they were children she "helped" them with every task. She had them on a strict schedule of school, homework etc. She set a timer and they had to brush their teeth or brush their hair or do their homework until the timer went off. She had them start their homework over if they made a mistake because she didn't want it to be messy with erasure marks. She said it was her job as a parent to make sure they did not make mistakes.

They grew up to be frightened, insecure, nervous wrecks. They were so afraid of making a mistake that they didn't even know how to think for themselves. We had them to our house for a sleepover when they were 10 or 11 or so. They did not know how to play. They needed us to give them specific instructions on what to do every moment or else they freaked out. We asked them to put on a play for us. They looked at us like deer in the headlights. They asked us what the play should be about. We told them to make it up. More startled stares. Finally, they gave up and said that they couldn't think of anything on their own. I thought their spirits and immagination were crushed and would never recover.

But, there was some determination left in them that their mother hadn't managed to damage. So, they went off to college as far away from their mother as they could get. They made huge, life changing mistakes because they had no experience in making little mistakes and recovering from them. They had no ability to recover from mistakes at all. They did not have the confidence that comes from making mistakes, dealing with them, recovering from them, etc.

They are getting out of college now. They have no relationship with their mother. They blame her for their obsessive/complusive disorders. Their eating/food issues. Their paralyzing fear of trying something new. Their lack of confidence.

I do see glimmers of hope, though. One of the twins has applied to become a police officer. (She is obviously drawn to rules and structure). She gave us the affidavit paperwork to fill out as character witnesses. She said she was not giving it to her mother because she had "helped" enough and made her life a real misery.

This example may seem extreme, but my point is, don't help and save your children from making mistakes. Let them make mistakes as children so that they can learn, recover and grow from them. Don't rob them of the chance to make mistakes and gain self-confidence and self-assurance. Let them have successes on their own -- without your help and interference. That momentary childhood pain could help save them from a lifetime of unhappiness if they become insecure and frightened adults.

I hope that in time the twins will see that their mother did the best she knew how to do.

And I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my Mother (Cathryne) and Father (Donald) for letting me make mistakes, get dirty, screw up, take my punishment and learn from my mistakes. You gave me such a wonderful gift even though I may not have thought so at the time. You showed your confidence in me by letting me fail at times. And because of that, I gained confidence in myself and my abilities. Thank You!