Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house.
Edward had killed his old catnip mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with nails.
Edward would thrash them, without no fails!
I was asleep, with uncovered head.
With Edward D Katz, jumping over the bed.
I was comatose, in my sweatpants,
Dreaming of food that came from France!
Out on the lawn the kittehs were playing.
Some were asleep, others just laying…
I woke to see Ed, nose on the pane!
Watching those cats? He’s going insane!
The moon on the breast of the unmown grass.
Just a reminder of my lazy “rear”.
Then what to my wandering eyes should appear.
But miniature cats, full of holiday cheer!
Those little kittehs, so alive and so slick,
They wanted food, that’s part of the trick
I watched them huddle, this is so insane.
They then started crying, they don’t know my name!
Now, HEY YOU, Come out! Give us wet chow!
We don’t want it then, We do want it NOW!
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall?
Whatever your name is? John, Stupid, or Paul!
Then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The patter of kitteh, their heavy hooves!
As I look over shoulder while turning around,
My face was greeted by a mewling sound!
The kittehs are out there, Ed does want out!
I then greet the visitors with a hearty shout!
What are you doing? Playing on the grass!
You are making the Edster a Pain In my Rear!
Their noses are pink, bodies quite hairy.
To the Indoor Edster, they really are scary!
Their bright kitteh eyes lit up the night.
They all charged the door, under the light!
The cool metal cans I held for my frens.
Some wet canned chow, the Edster does send.
Of fish, and beef, maybe some fowl.
When they are done, they will lick their jowls!
I’ve sent out a minion, The tall goofy guy.
You will have to eat, whatever he buys.
A glint in his eye, and a twist of the spoon
You are all eating now, not a moment too soon!
I spoke not a word, I just worked the bowls,
Feeding the cats and soothing their souls.
Laying my hand to the side of my head…
I just fed the cats, that I don’t dread!
I have done the job, the kittehs have their eats.
They ate twice today, and then got some treats!
I heard them explain as I walked in the door.
The food was alright, But, can we get more?
It’s Christmas Eve, you little pharts.
The treats you were given, were just a good start.
I ain’t gonna argue, it just is not right.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night?
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(Clapping...)
12/02
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