Trying my da****** to stay off the pity pot...

[Catty1]

..but it is hard for me to stay off. I thought if I just vented here a wee bit, and let it out, I could renew a real feeling of gratitude and balance.

My friend Bruce died of cancer in November; Barbara is next; a longtime old family friend has lymphoma that went unchecked for years until his new wife dragged him to the doctor.

Mom and I for Christmas this year. One day, I will YEARN for Christmas with Mom again, it'll break my heart. But I cry because my dad is dead, my sister is dead, we are the last two and it's just us....I MISS all the family Christmases before!

I got two speeding tickets, my first in years. A truck backed into my vehicle in a parking lot today, crunching the front door. No one hurt, no major damage, and I THANK GOD that THIS accident wasn't my fault, for a change.

The usual financial crap that everyone has, so never mind that.

A call from a client today whose computer I fixed yesterday and it was running great, now sounds like it has a corrupted HD, and I had NO tools with me (supposed to be a day off) when I went to the city to help a friend pick up some stuff. I was going over to the client's for 4, had the accident at 2:20, had lunch and left my cell in the car and she called twice and left no message and I didn't know if she got the computer working or not...

No boyfriend and no prospects. But I should be used to that by now.

I had my best friend's gifts wrapped and went to give them to her when I dropped her off today, but she doesn't have room under her tree (it IS totally crammed in there), another good friend has no time to meet for coffee tomorrow now...where IS everyone? And another good friend finally wound up being the girlfriend of a guy we know mutually...

Ok, this makes no sense. But I am depressed and lonely and sad and on the pity pot and crying and that's all I can say.............





....thanks for listening...


...and I HATE crying because I usually get nosebleeds and I have had about 10 in the last 2 weeks, sometimes 2 a day, and cauterizing doesn't do much any more...

okay I am done...

[RICHARD]

hey,

Look at me!

I have a whole slew of stuff that I should be mad about.

The most recent is how much of an AH my brother is. Ugh, his wife told my nephew that my bro went to the hospital for a cat scratch.
And she didn't have the class to tell me! I don't care anymore about what happens. It's not the season or the reason to worry about shiat like that.

Oh, she did call my nephew again to tell him she would visit him when she could, she was going to have her nails done!

We have what we have, each other. Hold on tight to those people and thank the lord we can bask in the love of the people we know and care about.


I have spent the last two and a half weeks by myself just thinking about the holidays without my mom.

And I am not going to get down about it. It's way to soon to feel like she is gone. She's still in my heart and that's what I have to remember.


Oh, and about the boyfriend thing?

Men are scumbags, you are just setting yourself up for heartache!

[Queen of Poop]

Hugs for both Catty1 and Richard. Things for me kinda suck too. Doing my darndest to keep a smile on though, otherwise it would be like opening the flood gates and its too darn cold here for that. Those tears would freeze in an instant! Keep smiling you two, we love you.

[Catty1]

OK, now if the three of use could meet up and have a Christmas dinner bash...

My dear Mom pointed out today that the really nasty COLD weather has some people feeling down.

I have started taking my iron tabs again, kinda lapsed on those.

Gayle, wanna meet at Starbucks next week? PM me! Parking downtown will be easy, everyone will be at the malls! LOL

Thanks, you two - my head KNOWS I have much to be grateful for, but I have been fighting this tailspin for a few days. It ain't fun.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

[Queen of Poop]

Well, if we're going to have dinner it needs to be at Richards! He'd never survive here in the -30oC temps!!

But I'll gladly do the turkey, with granny's secret stuffing recipe.

Starbucks sounds great, lets see how the roads go, it is supposed to snow Monday! Like we need more. I have drifts here that are up to my thigh, mind you, I'm pretty short!!

[Catty1]

Gayle, just hold up a sign with your name on it...I'll dig you out of the drift! lol

Actually, I have a computer call here in Cochrane Monday morning, and am hoping to get a block heater installed in the afternoon.

Tuesday?

How's that Sasha doing? Not enjoying walks in this weather, I am sure.

[Catty1]

Okay, I guess God hears prayers even when one is wailing and being self-centred.

My former boss (the husband of the couple) phoned a few minutes ago and invited my mom and I to their house for Christmas Dinner.

Their daughter, her little boy, and her boyfriend will be there, as well as JJ and Wayne, a couple of their friends I have met.

Mom sounds open to it. I hope she agrees.

We did invite a neighbour of mine for dinner at Mom's but have not heard back yet. That's the only awkward spot.

But how nice...and unexpected!

Thanks, God!

[sumbirdy]

I'm glad you got invited to spend time with more people. And the fact that a child will be there is even better. Children always make things brighter, especially around the holidays (that's my opinion anyway)



(((hugs)))

[K9karen]

Okeedokey then...

Hmmmm..... just a few weeks ago, YOU were cheering ME up, Candance, remember???

There are lots of us who know how you and Richard feel. The best gift I could get would be to hug my parents again. But I do, everyday, same feel, same smell, even if it's in my head.

Yep, this decorative season can be very depressing. And when you can't reach your friends, or they turn you down for something, it's especially upsetting. But, it's not personal. It's a busy time. I hope mom and you go to Christmas dinner! It'll make you feel so much better, you'll see.

I now have a total of 5 events this coming week! Who wudda thought? And it's with people I really love and enjoy. i guess the feeling is mutual. Oh Joy!

Of course I over spent my budget, but it made me happy to buy gifts for kids and myself. I deserve it.

And as far as having a man....it ain't all that and a bag of chips. I guess if you're lucky, you find that special someone. Don't sweat it. Sometimes I think I'm better off alone. I like the independence. I was never one to really care.

You're still on this earth, have a job, an income and people who really care about you! Have a Merry Merry! Your sis and dad are together, sending you love. I doubt they'd want you to be unhappy. I know mine wouldn't.

{HUGSSSSSSSS}

[Laura's Babies]

Some of my best times were at last minute invites to a holiday dinner.. they always seen to be the BEST! I bet you and your Mom will have a blast!

I forget the reason I had no plans for Christmas and neither did some of my other single friends. One of them called, said she was going to cook and if i had no plans, to come over and eat Christmas dinner with her. Turned out she had 3 or 4 of us singles show up and we had a ball! We ate until we about popped and I got several great recipes that I still use today from her.

GO an enjoy yourself!

I have no man in my life either except for a friend in another state that calls 3 or 4 times a week and I know I am better off alone. No BS to put up with, no one to wash clothes for, to cook for, have to clean up after, explaine where I have been or why I am sleeping late... The best part... I can spend MY money the way I want to!!!

[K9karen]

some of my best times were at last minute invites to a holiday dinner.. They always seen to be the best! I bet you and your mom will have a blast!

I forget the reason i had no plans for christmas and neither did some of my other single friends. One of them called, said she was going to cook and if i had no plans, to come over and eat christmas dinner with her. Turned out she had 3 or 4 of us singles show up and we had a ball! We ate until we about popped and i got several great recipes that i still use today from her.

Go an enjoy yourself!

I have no man in my life either except for a friend in another state that calls 3 or 4 times a week and i know i am better off alone. No bs to put up with, no one to wash clothes for, to cook for, have to clean up after, explaine where i have been or why i am sleeping late... The best part... I can spend my money the way i want to!!!

amen sister!

[Medusa]

I read this last night just before I was heading for bed and I waited til this morning to reply because I didn't want to say anything stupid or nonsensical. When I'm tired, I tend to ramble. LOL

I'm glad that you got the invitation to Christmas dinner, Candace. I had been feeling the same way you felt nearly all year. This has been the loneliest year of my life. I entertain quite often, I love it but sometimes it's nice when someone else says "Hey, we'd like your company. Come on over." I have a friend who lives right across the street from me that I've included in all my holidays and I invite her quite often for wine and cheese and a movie or to go shopping together, etc. but she hasn't reciprocated in the four years that I've known her. Her excuse is "I need to clean my house first". Ok, some people just don't like to entertain; I get that but then invite me out for coffee or lunch and a movie then. It just doesn't occur to her, I guess. She has a full family, daughters, son, grandkids but takes it all for granted.

I'm always the one who cooks the big Thanksgiving dinner, has the open house on Christmas eve, a big buffet on Easter, etc. I felt sorry for myself this year and thought "Does it not occur to people that I'm alone and have been for nearly 13 years?" And I don't have the luxury of a double income; most of my friends have husbands who are working. My son is thousands of miles away and this is the first Thanksgiving that he was able to make it home in 11 years. I miss him so much on Thanskgiving; it's his favorite holiday and everyone knows how much I miss him, yet no invitation is ever forthcoming, so I've made it a practice to invite others instead, especially those who are in the same circumstances that I'm in. I was so thankful that my son was able to make it home this year, yet I wondered why no one said "Hey, why don't the two of you join us this year instead of the other way around?" Well, a girlfriend finally did but only after I waited and figured no invitation was coming so I planned the usual Thanksgiving dinner and invited people. Then the invitation came. I think she felt that she was safe in assuming that we wouldn't be there then.

Holidays are so different now. When I was married to John, most of my family was still alive, his too. I started shopping for Christmas presents months in advance for our families plus our employees and business associates, vendors, etc. Now I have my son and a couple of friends to think of and that's it. No kids running around on Christmas eve, no friends of my son's coming over because they're all married and have families of their own now. My parents and all of my siblings but one sister have passed on. She refuses to visit and it's difficult for me to visit her because I have to make arrangements for the Fur Posse and I don't like to impose on my catsitter during the holidays unless it would be an emergency.

It can be so lonely. Watching commercials on TV of families celebrating together or husbands giving their wives surprise Christmas gifts makes me tear up every time. I wish I was still married to John but that's a futile wish. It's all a downward spiral and it's useless. So that's when I force myself to take stock of all that I have, and not just materially, and I watch a movie that guarantees that I'll feel grateful, such as "Midnight Clear". I watched it last night and was made to realize just how bad some other people have it. I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, just to demonstrate that I share your heartache and, if you and your Mom lived closer, I assure you that the invitation for all holidays and gatherings and coffee klatches would be a standing one.

Merry Christmas to you and your mom, Candace. Better days are coming. We gotta keep the faythe.

[moosmom]

Candace,

It's the season. I have a pity party every year and it starts from August 16th and continues through New Year's. It has to do with a number of sad circumstances that happened in my life beginning with the death of my mom in October of 1973, the fire that destroyed our home and killed my beloved grandfather two months later and ends witth my Dad's death in 1997. I've found that as the years go by, the pain and loneliness aren't as bad. It's also one of the reasons I miss my brother so much, as he lives in NC and I can only talk on the phone or email him (airfare is just too expensive). I'm hoping he'll keep his promise of a visit in the Spring. I do not want his last visit to be 6 years ago just before I relocated to MI.

I think we all understand the meaning and importance of family during these difficult times, and believe me, you are not alone.

I hope you try to have a wonderful Christmas. PM me again with your phone number (it got lost when I bought a new phone) I'll call you tonight. My shoulder is all yours.

As far as not having or in the prospect of finding a significant other, I hear ya girlfriend. It took many years for me to finally feel comfortable being alone.

Love and hugs, girlfriend

Donna and fur crew

[carole]

Dearest Candace, it pains me to read your post, you are one of the most lovely people on PT, always there to cheer others, and research ,well girlfriend, you should receive a PT award for that, you give of your time graciously looking things up for people, without even being asked, and it is much appreciated.

Remember you are indeed a GIFT to many people, especially here on PT.

And yes you don't need a man, but yes they are nice to have,I hope you find your Mr Right out there,maybe you need to look further a field, a good kiwi bloke might do the trick lol.

I sincerely hope that your xmas is a nice one shared with people who make you feel good, and i am sad you are feeling this way, xmas can be a very sad and lonely time for many,remember we are always here for you on PT, even though i am thousands of miles away, you will be in my thoughts,love and hugs.



This might make you smile.

[Catty1]

Carole, that is SO cute! Happy Belated Birthday!

Thank you to everyone else who posted.

I just spoke to my mom, and since she has spent 6 shopping trips for Christmas dinner at her place, she has said she prefers to have it at her place. (She did ask if I knew of anyone who was on their own for Christmas).

So I emailed my friends and declined. I was crying when I did it...I mean, how many more Christmases will I get with my mom? At the same time, it feels really lonely with just the two of us.

But I asked my friends if they knew anyone on their own, and I emailed my church about that as well.

Thanks for your words, folks. This is a time of year when aloneness can hit REALLY hard, as you all know.

OK...now to go back up a dead HD....work today!

HUGS to you all and deep wishes for a Merry Christmas!