Wedding Dilemma- What Would You Do?

[Cataholic]

I am presuming Josh's sister is an adult, squarely over the age of 21, and under no mental disability when I make these comments.

First and foremost- Josh needs to develop some maturity and deal with his sister. If he is willing to let someone that is so close to him treat the woman he is about to marry like she does, there is a problem. It is about respect and boundaries. He is ignoring both of these. Josh is basically saying to his sister, "hey, I am totally cool with you treating my soon to be wife like crap, and making her feel uncomfortable". I can't imagine any of my four brothers allowing me to treat their wives like this woman does to you. I wouldn't be invited anywhere, let alone to be a member of the bridal party. And the thing is? Even if I wanted to, which I wouldn't, I wouldn't treat someone like that not because I might not WANT to, but because of my love and respect for my brother. There is a problem, for sure, between Josh and his sister, for something like this to be going on.

Next, if his sister isn't nice to you, then stop being nice to her. Stop trying. Stop making excuses for her. Family or not- "good" people don't treat others like this. Stop allowing it. She should not be in your wedding, and to think you entertained such an idea is absurd. She is crapping on you. Treating you with NO respect. Please- respect yourself. People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. You may be surprised by standing up for yourself and showing her you respect yourself, she just might start to.

AS far as having a sit down with her, seriously? Cause you think she doesn't know she is crapping on you? Because you think she doesn't know how wrong and immature it is? Why ever would you want to go there? You know it is wrong, and she knows it is wrong.

Heck of a way to start your life together.

[CountryWolf07]

Simple. Don't include her. Don't try to be 'friends' with her', it's obvious the line is drawn and has been already for a long time. If she did try to have a relationship with you, she would've done it in the beginning. Easy as that. It's YOUR big day. Don't stress yourself out!

[kuhio98]

I'm probably in the minority here, but it's Josh's wedding day too. Yeah, I know he probably hasn't dreamed about it like girls do, but it's still an important day for him also.

If he wants her there, she should be there. If she doesn't want to be there, problem solved. If you guys are old enough to get married, you're old enough to work this out. You guys don't have to be best friends but Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along. You both must have something in common if you both love Josh and he loves both of you.

[carole]

Lisa i am with you 100 per cent on this one, yes it is a day of importance to him as well, and naturally he will want his sister to be there, i have nothing to add really, just what Lisa has already said.

[sasvermont]

I say that Josh needs to handle all the problems with HIS sister. If he thinks she need not be involved with the wedding then he should tell anyone asking, why she is not part of the wedding party. He should also take your feelings into consideration before his sister's. Sounds as though his sister is a pill!

Good luck. Let us know how it works out!

And, congratulations on your wedding coming up. I hope all runs smoothly and you have a wonderful day. Don't let just one person ruin it for you all. Let her sit outside the main event and stew in her own juices. She seems to thrive on it.

Again, have a wonderful day!

[Cataholic]

I'm probably in the minority here, but it's Josh's wedding day too. Yeah, I know he probably hasn't dreamed about it like girls do, but it's still an important day for him also.

If he wants her there, she should be there. If she doesn't want to be there, problem solved. If you guys are old enough to get married, you're old enough to work this out. You guys don't have to be best friends but Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along. You both must have something in common if you both love Josh and he loves both of you.

I believe it IS both people's day. It should be a wonderous day, full of love. However, to allow anyone to attend a wedding that treats the bride to be so shabbily is really pretty insulting to the bride, isn't it?

The bride to be here isn't the problem. She has gone out of her way to be polite, friendly, and accommodating. It isn't as if they just aren't close to one another. Josh's sister is rude, disrespectful and hurtful to Josh's soon to be wife. "Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along" suggest there is something the bride to be can do to alter the facts- Josh's sister is not a nice person.

I think it awful that Josh puts his soon to be wife in this position.

[carole]

That is one thing I agree on,josh does need to sort this out,why do you think she treats you this way,if it were me I would have it out with her,and get to the bottom of the problem ,and yes you should not let one person ruin your special day,is there more to the story,are you telling us everything,don't mean to sound rude,but I am puzzled that a person could be so hateful,if it is jealousy,or simply she does not like you,then she needs to get over it and move on,and josh needs to support you on this,it is very immature behavior on her part,hope you can get it sorted,and your day is everything you want it to be

[redbird]

I'll make this short and sweet, this is your day and no one should be allowed to ruin it. Even if she was allowed to be in the wedding, she could still be your enemy afterwards. Don't let her ruin your wedding and your life. She is not worth it and if Josh cannot be the man, he's not worth it either.

[happylabs]

You need to get this worked out with her somehow. However, my feeling is that if she doesn't want to interact with you and be friends, it's her loss! Don't stress about the fact that she acts this way. If hubby wants her in the wedding, include her but don't let her ruin your day.

When I was young I was very shy and timid. I'm over 50 now, divorced and been through a lot of family situations. I would come right out and ask her. Why not? What will it hurt? Tell her if she is going to be in the wedding she needs to at least be nice during that period.

What about the rest of his family? Do his parents like you? Does he have other siblings? How does this woman act around other people?

There is more to this story...

[pomtzu]

My suggestion: invite her to the wedding as a guest, but not to be included in the wedding party.

My now DIL and my son had an issue when planning their wedding (2nd for both of them). DIL had no relationship for years with her father and step-mother and was adamant that they would not be invited. She despised her step-mother and did not want to be anywhere near her. Finally DIL's mother convinced her that she really should invite them as guests - afterall - it was her natural father and some day she might regret that she didn't extend the olive branch! As much as she didn't want to invite them, she finally relented and invited them, fully expecting that they would be a no show. Well, they did show. Everyone was civil to one another, and everything went off without a hitch, and a good time was had by all. Father and step-mother were guests only and sat with other guests and not at the head table, which worked out just fine.

This gesture did not lead to a renewed relationship tho, and several months later when DIL and son went to her father's place after a fire at the home - to see if they could be of any help - the wicked step-mother went ballistic on them and kicked them off the property. End of any relationship, and that was almost 6 years ago.

But at least DIL did the right thing by inviting them. No one can say she didn't try.


So good luck, and keep us posted as plans progress.