Wedding Dilemma- What Would You Do?

[kuhio98]

I'm probably in the minority here, but it's Josh's wedding day too. Yeah, I know he probably hasn't dreamed about it like girls do, but it's still an important day for him also.

If he wants her there, she should be there. If she doesn't want to be there, problem solved. If you guys are old enough to get married, you're old enough to work this out. You guys don't have to be best friends but Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along. You both must have something in common if you both love Josh and he loves both of you.

[carole]

Lisa i am with you 100 per cent on this one, yes it is a day of importance to him as well, and naturally he will want his sister to be there, i have nothing to add really, just what Lisa has already said.

[sasvermont]

I say that Josh needs to handle all the problems with HIS sister. If he thinks she need not be involved with the wedding then he should tell anyone asking, why she is not part of the wedding party. He should also take your feelings into consideration before his sister's. Sounds as though his sister is a pill!

Good luck. Let us know how it works out!

And, congratulations on your wedding coming up. I hope all runs smoothly and you have a wonderful day. Don't let just one person ruin it for you all. Let her sit outside the main event and stew in her own juices. She seems to thrive on it.

Again, have a wonderful day!

[Cataholic]

I'm probably in the minority here, but it's Josh's wedding day too. Yeah, I know he probably hasn't dreamed about it like girls do, but it's still an important day for him also.

If he wants her there, she should be there. If she doesn't want to be there, problem solved. If you guys are old enough to get married, you're old enough to work this out. You guys don't have to be best friends but Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along. You both must have something in common if you both love Josh and he loves both of you.

I believe it IS both people's day. It should be a wonderous day, full of love. However, to allow anyone to attend a wedding that treats the bride to be so shabbily is really pretty insulting to the bride, isn't it?

The bride to be here isn't the problem. She has gone out of her way to be polite, friendly, and accommodating. It isn't as if they just aren't close to one another. Josh's sister is rude, disrespectful and hurtful to Josh's soon to be wife. "Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along" suggest there is something the bride to be can do to alter the facts- Josh's sister is not a nice person.

I think it awful that Josh puts his soon to be wife in this position.

[carole]

That is one thing I agree on,josh does need to sort this out,why do you think she treats you this way,if it were me I would have it out with her,and get to the bottom of the problem ,and yes you should not let one person ruin your special day,is there more to the story,are you telling us everything,don't mean to sound rude,but I am puzzled that a person could be so hateful,if it is jealousy,or simply she does not like you,then she needs to get over it and move on,and josh needs to support you on this,it is very immature behavior on her part,hope you can get it sorted,and your day is everything you want it to be

[redbird]

I'll make this short and sweet, this is your day and no one should be allowed to ruin it. Even if she was allowed to be in the wedding, she could still be your enemy afterwards. Don't let her ruin your wedding and your life. She is not worth it and if Josh cannot be the man, he's not worth it either.

[happylabs]

You need to get this worked out with her somehow. However, my feeling is that if she doesn't want to interact with you and be friends, it's her loss! Don't stress about the fact that she acts this way. If hubby wants her in the wedding, include her but don't let her ruin your day.

When I was young I was very shy and timid. I'm over 50 now, divorced and been through a lot of family situations. I would come right out and ask her. Why not? What will it hurt? Tell her if she is going to be in the wedding she needs to at least be nice during that period.

What about the rest of his family? Do his parents like you? Does he have other siblings? How does this woman act around other people?

There is more to this story...

[Catty1]

Elope.

[Taz_Zoee]

I'm not married, but have a friend that just went through a lot of family drama concerning her wedding. Finally, after over a year of stressing out about all of it, she just notified people that the ceremony would be on this day at this time and they would love for everyone to be there. And if you don't show up, that's fine too. She wasn't going to stress about people in the family not getting along. It was HER day. Although, she did not invite her step-mother. She was adamant about that. Her father came without her. Her wedding was amazing!!

Anyway, my point is, do what makes you and Josh happy. There's got to be some kind of compromise you can come to regarding his sister. I'd do as others suggested......invite her to the wedding (of course) but not have her in the party. If she doesn't "like" you then I can't see her being very shocked about not being included.

[sparks19]

yes, do what makes you guys happy. Josh has accepted that she should not be in the wedding party so just leave it at that. A big confrontation isn't going to help anything and will only make things worse and more tense on the actual day.

If she makes a stink about it and wants to know why she isn't in the wedding party just ask her if she is really surprised that she wasn't invited to be in the wedding. Just say something like "well, you can't seem to tolerate being around me or talking to me so I figured it was a safe bet to assume you wouldn't want to stand up for me in the wedding. am I mistaken on that?" lol.

So I just wouldn't even mention anything unless she brings it up. Just go on with the wedding planning the way you want it. there doesn't need to be a big announcement to her or to his parents that she is not being asked. When she gets no info from you about what she needs to do or wear... she'll get the point or she'll ask and when she does you can direct her to the above comment.

I also agree with ELOPE LOL. I can't understand why women do this to themselves So much stress. Take off, get married, tell everyone after and organize a big party to celebrate with everyone

[Desert Arabian]

What about the rest of his family? Do his parents like you? Does he have other siblings? How does this woman act around other people?

There is more to this story...

His parents are divorced and his mom re-married a few years ago and his dad never remarried or dated after the divorce. He does not have any other siblings, just his sister who is about to turn 26 and is younger than him. She has been in and out of relationships for the 7 years Josh and I have been dating, but she recently has settled in a relationship with a really nice guy! I am hoping it works out for her, she seems really happy with him. I have only witnessed her interacting with non-family a few times and she treated those people the same way she does me. Josh played co-ed softball this past summer and she played one night then joined us and the rest of the team at the bar afterwards for drinks and bingo. While there she paid no attention to anyone, made no effort to communicate or join in a conversation, played with her phone the entire time, and had a very sour look on her face. My friend's wife even asked me "what's her problem? Is she always like this?" A few of Josh's friends (male and female) have expressed their feelings to me about her and they do not care for her either.

I have pretty much given up on trying to fix the relationship or communicate with her, I just feel so darn awkward and uncomfortable around her!! Normally, I would never hold back my feelings- I am actually a very confrontational person, but for some reason I buckle and act the exact opposite when it comes to her. I have no idea what I would even try to talk to her about she doesn't seem interested in anything. I used to always suggest to her that we should go to the mall and go shopping, she seemed interested when I mentioned it, but we never ended up making plans. She was over at our house on Saturday and never even said hello to me when she walked in the door, she never made eye contact with me, and she literally acted as if I was not in the room. I was very sick that day and wrapped up in a blanket on the couch- I avoided confrontation, if I was feeling better I probably would have made a rude remark to her, but I just ignored her behavior.

I honestly have NO IDEA what I did or said in the past to make her treat me like this. I have pondered this over the years, trying to think of an explanation, and I come up empty. I think that is what bothers me the most -- not knowing.

Thanks everyone for the advise, I really appreciate your insight!

[Karen]

I wonder if she is an undiagnosed Asperger's patient, if she is like that with most people, and in any group. Or she may have social anxiety that makes her shut everyone out ... But she could just be rude! No way of knowing without clinical help, which you are not obliged to obtain!

[snakemama]

I had a similar situation when I was getting married and I told my hubby "Ok, she can stand on your side if it's that important to you!" He opted not to include her as part of the wedding party, but if he had I would have been fine with her being one of HIS attendants.

[moosmom]

I'd elope.

[pomtzu]

My suggestion: invite her to the wedding as a guest, but not to be included in the wedding party.

My now DIL and my son had an issue when planning their wedding (2nd for both of them). DIL had no relationship for years with her father and step-mother and was adamant that they would not be invited. She despised her step-mother and did not want to be anywhere near her. Finally DIL's mother convinced her that she really should invite them as guests - afterall - it was her natural father and some day she might regret that she didn't extend the olive branch! As much as she didn't want to invite them, she finally relented and invited them, fully expecting that they would be a no show. Well, they did show. Everyone was civil to one another, and everything went off without a hitch, and a good time was had by all. Father and step-mother were guests only and sat with other guests and not at the head table, which worked out just fine.

This gesture did not lead to a renewed relationship tho, and several months later when DIL and son went to her father's place after a fire at the home - to see if they could be of any help - the wicked step-mother went ballistic on them and kicked them off the property. End of any relationship, and that was almost 6 years ago.

But at least DIL did the right thing by inviting them. No one can say she didn't try.


So good luck, and keep us posted as plans progress.