Wedding Dilemma- What Would You Do?

[Karen]

Maybe you should set up a time to meet her for lunch and talk with her about why she seems to resent you, etc. There is plenty of time between now and next September to work things out, and if you still don't get friendly with her, ask her if she would be willing to do a reading or something, rather being a bridesmaid, that way she can be a part of her brother's big day, but not have to hang around with you very much.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Are you even sure she wants to stand up for you?

But it seems to me that Josh should take responsibility for the situation - it is his sister. He should ask her what her issue is with you and why she behaves the way she does.

[Desert Arabian]

Are you even sure she wants to stand up for you?

But it seems to me that Josh should take responsibility for the situation - it is his sister. He should ask her what her issue is with you and why she behaves the way she does.

Good point! I am secretly hoping she doesn't really want to, but I would have to imagine for the sake of her brother that she would. Josh avoids confrontation at all costs, so getting him to step up to the plate and sit down with his sister most likely would never happen unless I really got on his butt about it -- but I won't.

[Cataholic]

I am presuming Josh's sister is an adult, squarely over the age of 21, and under no mental disability when I make these comments.

First and foremost- Josh needs to develop some maturity and deal with his sister. If he is willing to let someone that is so close to him treat the woman he is about to marry like she does, there is a problem. It is about respect and boundaries. He is ignoring both of these. Josh is basically saying to his sister, "hey, I am totally cool with you treating my soon to be wife like crap, and making her feel uncomfortable". I can't imagine any of my four brothers allowing me to treat their wives like this woman does to you. I wouldn't be invited anywhere, let alone to be a member of the bridal party. And the thing is? Even if I wanted to, which I wouldn't, I wouldn't treat someone like that not because I might not WANT to, but because of my love and respect for my brother. There is a problem, for sure, between Josh and his sister, for something like this to be going on.

Next, if his sister isn't nice to you, then stop being nice to her. Stop trying. Stop making excuses for her. Family or not- "good" people don't treat others like this. Stop allowing it. She should not be in your wedding, and to think you entertained such an idea is absurd. She is crapping on you. Treating you with NO respect. Please- respect yourself. People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. You may be surprised by standing up for yourself and showing her you respect yourself, she just might start to.

AS far as having a sit down with her, seriously? Cause you think she doesn't know she is crapping on you? Because you think she doesn't know how wrong and immature it is? Why ever would you want to go there? You know it is wrong, and she knows it is wrong.

Heck of a way to start your life together.

[CountryWolf07]

Simple. Don't include her. Don't try to be 'friends' with her', it's obvious the line is drawn and has been already for a long time. If she did try to have a relationship with you, she would've done it in the beginning. Easy as that. It's YOUR big day. Don't stress yourself out!

[kuhio98]

I'm probably in the minority here, but it's Josh's wedding day too. Yeah, I know he probably hasn't dreamed about it like girls do, but it's still an important day for him also.

If he wants her there, she should be there. If she doesn't want to be there, problem solved. If you guys are old enough to get married, you're old enough to work this out. You guys don't have to be best friends but Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along. You both must have something in common if you both love Josh and he loves both of you.

[carole]

Lisa i am with you 100 per cent on this one, yes it is a day of importance to him as well, and naturally he will want his sister to be there, i have nothing to add really, just what Lisa has already said.

[Cataholic]

I'm probably in the minority here, but it's Josh's wedding day too. Yeah, I know he probably hasn't dreamed about it like girls do, but it's still an important day for him also.

If he wants her there, she should be there. If she doesn't want to be there, problem solved. If you guys are old enough to get married, you're old enough to work this out. You guys don't have to be best friends but Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along. You both must have something in common if you both love Josh and he loves both of you.

I believe it IS both people's day. It should be a wonderous day, full of love. However, to allow anyone to attend a wedding that treats the bride to be so shabbily is really pretty insulting to the bride, isn't it?

The bride to be here isn't the problem. She has gone out of her way to be polite, friendly, and accommodating. It isn't as if they just aren't close to one another. Josh's sister is rude, disrespectful and hurtful to Josh's soon to be wife. "Josh will be a lot happier if you guys get along" suggest there is something the bride to be can do to alter the facts- Josh's sister is not a nice person.

I think it awful that Josh puts his soon to be wife in this position.

[Jessika]

Maybe you should set up a time to meet her for lunch and talk with her about why she seems to resent you, etc. There is plenty of time between now and next September to work things out, and if you still don't get friendly with her, ask her if she would be willing to do a reading or something, rather being a bridesmaid, that way she can be a part of her brother's big day, but not have to hang around with you very much.

This is the "logical" thing to do, but I will speak with experience...

First and foremost, this is YOUR big day. Not to say this isn't your future hubby's big day, either, but guy's usually don't get "into" the wedding planning and effort or dream about their wedding day as much as us gals do. That having been said, you need to do what makes YOU happy. If not having her as a bridesmaid is going to cause a lot of tension between you and your fiance, then fine, do it. But most bridesmaids are happy to be a part of the entire wedding planning process, something she won't seem to want to do.

When I was married, my sister in law and I did NOT have a good relationship, either. In fact, she wasn't even on speaking terms with any of her parents or siblings throughout the planning. His other sister I did have a good relationship with and she WAS one of my bridesmaids, but this one I did not even invite to the wedding (she showed up, anyway).

I guess the most important thing here is, bottom line - communication. Communication of thoughts and feelings between you and your fiance, and communication between your future SIL and yourself. If she won't even attempt to sit down and have a civil conversation with you about why she has acted the way she has to you, then, in my honest opinion, she has no right to be an intimate part of your wedding day.

[Catty1]

Can Josh talk to her and find out what the big deal is? I don't know if their parents are still living, but if it's been any kind of the two of them 'against the world' sort of thing, she might be afraid and very jealous.

May you and Josh can both sit down with her. She might try to ignore you or be 'too busy for lunch', but she can't ignore her brother. I rather think it is her family's job to help with this.