To those of you who say you are 'old fashioned'...come on. After having lived your entire lives, raised children and perhaps have grand kids, you should know better than the younger crowd of how 3 is really, not much bigger than a baby.

3 is so young that none of us really remember being that age. We may have some random memories, but nobody TRULY remembers being 3. My little boy is 2. He is precious, very well behaved, and a joy to be around. At the same time, he is 2. I still see him as a baby. He still looks like a baby. I just weaned him a few months ago, and although he is pretty much potty trained, he still has the occasional accident. He is 2. If he were to act out in a public place, or at the home of an aquaintance, I would correct him. In reality, he is shy and won't misbehave around people he doesn't know well. At home, the rules are more lax. If he were to dip his fingers in frosting at home, I would smile. He will only be this little once. My brother adores him and there is no way he would get offended if my child were to dip his fingers in cake at his house. Kids should feel at home when visiting family.

3 is not much bigger than a baby. You cannot expect an innocent young child to act like an adult. Its just not going to happen.

I really feel the BIL is out of line, and if I were you, I'd say something to him. I don't like it when people speak about children in a negative way, especially when a child is so young. Children learn when they are loved and made to feel special. Kids like to please, and when they know you love them, they try hard to please you. Harshness teaches them nothing other than fear. A huge misconception is that kids of the past were more respectful. That is not true. They did not respect their elders. They feared their elders. There is a big difference. Respectful people behave in the same manner around everyone. Fearful children 'act' respectful in front of adults they fear, and will be disrespectful as soo as your back is turned, guaranteed.