opinions wanted family issue

[caseysmom]

Pomtzu,



AMEN SISTA!!!!!

When I was growing up, all my parents had to do was give us "THE LOOK" aka "The hairy eyeball" and we towed the line. I'll tell ya, todays kids have absolutely NO respect for ANYONE.

I don't believe that is true Donna and its quite a sad opinion of this generation that you have. My children gave me a wonderful mothers day, my oldest sent me flowers at work and they sent my daughter home from college for a surprise, got me wonderful gifts...please try not to hate the next generation there is good there, my kids have lots of friends that I truly love. My nephew is also a sweet young man, I was in the kitchen and he came in and pulled on my shirt, I looked down and he said "I love you aunt shelley, happy mothers day" it was the freakin cutest thing ever.

[Lady's Human]

I'd have a chat with the in-law.

Very simply, it's my house, and if someone is going to start issues, I reserve the right to finish them.

"Control" belongs to the person/people in charge of the household. Frankly I would have shown him the door for being a needless skunk at the garden party. I'd rather have peace with the people who are there and be minus one or two guests.

[caseysmom]

I'd have a chat with the in-law.

Very simply, it's my house, and if someone is going to start issues, I reserve the right to finish them.

"Control" belongs to the person/people in charge of the household. Frankly I would have shown him the door for being a needless skunk at the garden party. I'd rather have peace with the people who are there and be minus one or two guests.

Yeah I agree my in laws were guests in my house and he was insulting my guests...a grown man that has that much trouble with a little boy has issues. When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money but anyway it was funny she took a pic of the kitty walking up on his back when he was laying down I said oh look you do love pizazz and he said pizazz was trying to show dominance I hate that cat....

I think the next time their is a holiday I just won't invite them and if it comes up I will nicely tell my sister why.

[Cataholic]

. When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money

Nice. An adult 'letting' or 'not letting' another adult do something. That would have been clue #1 this person wasn't for me.

[caseysmom]

Nice. An adult 'letting' or 'not letting' another adult do something. That would have been clue #1 this person wasn't for me.

Yep...and since my sister never had children of her own which she wanted it makes me even madder. Don't get me wrong my brother in law treats my sister in law like a queen (with exceptions on cats haha) he opens the door for her (its wierd to me actually she has to sit and wait while he gets out to come over and open her door) he does all the cooking and he generally treats her very well. They are both extreme neat freaks so I was happy she found her match made in hell....haha

[sasvermont]

It seems to me that the BIL has a big mouth and needs someone to tell him that. What a three year old does at someone else's house just isn't his business. Plain and simple.

I agree that three year old kiddies are just that. Three. They are learning skills - and trying to get on with their new lives. His parents should have prepared him for the eating cake scene and the party, etc. before the party. Even then, there is no guarantee the child will act correctly. Kids are kids at age three. I like the well behaved ones, I must admit. They do understand at three, a bit limited, and each time you change up the situation, it confuses them. Give him a couple of years, with good parenting, and he'll be fine. Also, all children are not created equal. Some learn to be socially appropriate much more quickly than others.

I would not invite BIL to any event unless his wife tells him how to behave in order to be a guest. The little boy will be fine.

[moosmom]

When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money

Hey Johanna,

FINALLY we agree on something! He wouldn't LET her??? What are they, in the stone age????

[caseysmom]

I'm pretty sure when they start acting like this to my daughters twins crud will hit the fan...he already told my daughter he is happy to help with parenting if she asks..they insunuate that I didn't teach them anything...

[Lady's Human]

The more you describe them, the more they sound like petty people, which would make it a petty loss were they not at your next party.

[moosmom]

Caseysmom.

I was not referring to your kids. It is simply MY opinion on what I have observed over the years.

[moosmom]

EXAMPLE:

When I was married, friends of ours came to visit with their two undisciplined. The youngest sat on MY coffee table and began "dusting" it with her butt leaving little scratches on it, all the while the parents were oblivious. After watching this kid wreak havoc in my living room, I finally spoke up and told the kid to knock it off. Our friends were a little surprized. But it was MY house and MY stuff and if the parents weren't going to discipline their kid, then I was going to step in. Oh and this "sweet" (not) child also kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant with my daughter.

[caseysmom]

EXAMPLE:

When I was married, friends of ours came to visit with their two undisciplined. The youngest sat on MY coffee table and began "dusting" it with her butt leaving little scratches on it, all the while the parents were oblivious. After watching this kid wreak havoc in my living room, I finally spoke up and told the kid to knock it off. Our friends were a little surprized. But it was MY house and MY stuff and if the parents weren't going to discipline their kid, then I was going to step in. Oh and this "sweet" (not) child also kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant with my daughter.

And that all reflects bad parenting not bad children.

[Cataholic]

A child that is able to kick a pregnant woman in the stomach (and yes, I do realize Donna you are not ten feet tall ), is not 3. At 7.5, and VERY tall for his age, I am not sure J could kick me in the stomach. But, anyhow, a child kicking someone is so far off of a 3 year old putting his/her finger in a frosted cake.

None of this is to say the adult wouldn't say to little child, "oh, honey, please don't do that. It isn't polite/germy/inappropriate/whatever". It is a learning process. No one wakes up with perfect children- as how many of us are perfect adults? It is a learning, and sometimes a long one, process. Some children are easy as pie to bring up right. Some need lots of opportunities to get it right. And, I know some adults that STILL act oddly.

At the end of it all...it was a family gathering, a 3 year old and a birthday cake, now tainted. I guess I should consider myself overly fortunate if this is all I ever run into in my day to day living.

[carole]

I am with you on this one cataholic, to me it is normal for a kid to maybe do that, does not mean they are a brat, just curious, gosh what a sin NOT, as long as the parent corrects the child for their behaviour, and they should, not a big deal at all.

[popcornbird]

To those of you who say you are 'old fashioned'...come on. After having lived your entire lives, raised children and perhaps have grand kids, you should know better than the younger crowd of how 3 is really, not much bigger than a baby.

3 is so young that none of us really remember being that age. We may have some random memories, but nobody TRULY remembers being 3. My little boy is 2. He is precious, very well behaved, and a joy to be around. At the same time, he is 2. I still see him as a baby. He still looks like a baby. I just weaned him a few months ago, and although he is pretty much potty trained, he still has the occasional accident. He is 2. If he were to act out in a public place, or at the home of an aquaintance, I would correct him. In reality, he is shy and won't misbehave around people he doesn't know well. At home, the rules are more lax. If he were to dip his fingers in frosting at home, I would smile. He will only be this little once. My brother adores him and there is no way he would get offended if my child were to dip his fingers in cake at his house. Kids should feel at home when visiting family.

3 is not much bigger than a baby. You cannot expect an innocent young child to act like an adult. Its just not going to happen.

I really feel the BIL is out of line, and if I were you, I'd say something to him. I don't like it when people speak about children in a negative way, especially when a child is so young. Children learn when they are loved and made to feel special. Kids like to please, and when they know you love them, they try hard to please you. Harshness teaches them nothing other than fear. A huge misconception is that kids of the past were more respectful. That is not true. They did not respect their elders. They feared their elders. There is a big difference. Respectful people behave in the same manner around everyone. Fearful children 'act' respectful in front of adults they fear, and will be disrespectful as soo as your back is turned, guaranteed.