opinions wanted family issue

[caseysmom]

Also I did apologize to my sil once about bil...said he made remarks when my klds were small etc she said oh don't worry about it Ryan is a handful sometimes. She does talk to me often about the best ways to discipline him, he does great in preschool though I am just thinking its because he has nobody his age to play with and his father my husbands brother is too serious and doesn't play with him enough maybe my husband on the other hand adores him and plays with him all the time. Soon the twins will be great playmates for him and he is very gentle and sweet with them.

[pomtzu]

The point that this old timer was trying to make, is that children are never too young to be taught manners and respect for other people and their belongings - whether it be a cake or a toy, or whatever. The longer a child is allowed to behave inappropriately, the longer it will take to get that child to act appropriately. Of course at the age of 3 they haven't figured their world out, but that's the duty and obligation of the parents to guide the child in the right direction. No one has to be a drill sergeant to their kids, yet they need to be firm and not just look the other way and ignore the issues. Kids will push and push just to see how far they can go and what they can get away with, and it will be confusing to them when all of a sudden they get busted for something they have been doing all along, and now for some strange reason (in their mind), Mom or Dad steps up and says "no more of that behavior".
Again - just the old fashioned way that I was raised, and the way I raised my kids, and in turn, the way my kids raised their kids.

[moosmom]

Pomtzu,

The point that this old timer was trying to make, is that children are never too young to be taught manners and respect for other people and their belongings - whether it be a cake or a toy, or whatever. The longer a child is allowed to behave inappropriately, the longer it will take to get that child to act appropriately. Of course at the age of 3 they haven't figured their world out, but that's the duty and obligation of the parents to guide the child in the right direction. No one has to be a drill sergeant to their kids, yet they need to be firm and not just look the other way and ignore the issues. Kids will push and push just to see how far they can go and what they can get away with, and it will be confusing to them when all of a sudden they get busted for something they have been doing all along, and now for some strange reason (in their mind), Mom or Dad steps up and says "no more of that behavior".e
Again - just the old fashioned way that I was raised, and the way I raised my kids, and in turn, the way my kids raised their kids.

AMEN SISTA!!!!!

When I was growing up, all my parents had to do was give us "THE LOOK" aka "The hairy eyeball" and we towed the line. I'll tell ya, todays kids have absolutely NO respect for ANYONE.

[caseysmom]

Pomtzu,



AMEN SISTA!!!!!

When I was growing up, all my parents had to do was give us "THE LOOK" aka "The hairy eyeball" and we towed the line. I'll tell ya, todays kids have absolutely NO respect for ANYONE.

I don't believe that is true Donna and its quite a sad opinion of this generation that you have. My children gave me a wonderful mothers day, my oldest sent me flowers at work and they sent my daughter home from college for a surprise, got me wonderful gifts...please try not to hate the next generation there is good there, my kids have lots of friends that I truly love. My nephew is also a sweet young man, I was in the kitchen and he came in and pulled on my shirt, I looked down and he said "I love you aunt shelley, happy mothers day" it was the freakin cutest thing ever.

[Lady's Human]

I'd have a chat with the in-law.

Very simply, it's my house, and if someone is going to start issues, I reserve the right to finish them.

"Control" belongs to the person/people in charge of the household. Frankly I would have shown him the door for being a needless skunk at the garden party. I'd rather have peace with the people who are there and be minus one or two guests.

[caseysmom]

I'd have a chat with the in-law.

Very simply, it's my house, and if someone is going to start issues, I reserve the right to finish them.

"Control" belongs to the person/people in charge of the household. Frankly I would have shown him the door for being a needless skunk at the garden party. I'd rather have peace with the people who are there and be minus one or two guests.

Yeah I agree my in laws were guests in my house and he was insulting my guests...a grown man that has that much trouble with a little boy has issues. When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money but anyway it was funny she took a pic of the kitty walking up on his back when he was laying down I said oh look you do love pizazz and he said pizazz was trying to show dominance I hate that cat....

I think the next time their is a holiday I just won't invite them and if it comes up I will nicely tell my sister why.

[Cataholic]

. When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money

Nice. An adult 'letting' or 'not letting' another adult do something. That would have been clue #1 this person wasn't for me.

[moosmom]

Caseysmom.

I was not referring to your kids. It is simply MY opinion on what I have observed over the years.

[moosmom]

EXAMPLE:

When I was married, friends of ours came to visit with their two undisciplined. The youngest sat on MY coffee table and began "dusting" it with her butt leaving little scratches on it, all the while the parents were oblivious. After watching this kid wreak havoc in my living room, I finally spoke up and told the kid to knock it off. Our friends were a little surprized. But it was MY house and MY stuff and if the parents weren't going to discipline their kid, then I was going to step in. Oh and this "sweet" (not) child also kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant with my daughter.

[caseysmom]

EXAMPLE:

When I was married, friends of ours came to visit with their two undisciplined. The youngest sat on MY coffee table and began "dusting" it with her butt leaving little scratches on it, all the while the parents were oblivious. After watching this kid wreak havoc in my living room, I finally spoke up and told the kid to knock it off. Our friends were a little surprized. But it was MY house and MY stuff and if the parents weren't going to discipline their kid, then I was going to step in. Oh and this "sweet" (not) child also kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant with my daughter.

And that all reflects bad parenting not bad children.

[Scooter's Mom]

Pomtzu,



AMEN SISTA!!!!!

When I was growing up, all my parents had to do was give us "THE LOOK" aka "The hairy eyeball" and we towed the line. I'll tell ya, todays kids have absolutely NO respect for ANYONE.

Unfortunately, neither does some of the older generation.


I say at the age of 3, let the child be a child. If he sticks his fingers in the icing - so what! Your BIL is the one who is acting childish.

[Asiel]

You can toss me in with the old fashioned bunch here. If that was my 3 yr old acting that way he would learn real quick that the behavior is unnacceptable. I've had all I can handle of today's ill behaved kids, and the excuses that come along with the behavior which shows me the parents know the kids are brats but choose the easy way out....let the little darlings do as they please.
No way would any of us ever have gotten away with rude behavior such as this and no way would my own kids have gotten away with it either.

[carole]

well i am of the older generation here i guess, and i have to say i totally disagree with some of the comments made, i think your brother n law is WAY OUT OF LINE here, and could in fact have a detrimental affect on that young boy.

He has too high expectations of him ,totally unreal in my opinion, i am all for manners and respect too, i was raised that way and hopefully raised my two that way as well, but honestly i let my children be just that children. That did not mean they were allowed to destroy anything or others people's property or have bad manners, nope i instilled those in them and was always told what lovely mannered kids i had,but i still let them be kids and after all some things are age appropriate.

It is your house and guests in your house need to respect THAT,if you find his behaviour offensive, be it the brother n law or the little boy, you should say so.

My children always had the understanding there were things they were allowed to do in my house , but not necessarily in others, like my mothers home, my mother could never understand that,but it worked for me and my kids soon got to know all the rules.

I may well have not read it right, but i did not see anything that would make me label this kid a BRAT.

Also worth a mention ,yep i was raised with good manners, and do as you are told, but i have to say the self esteem was not there or encouraged, my parents just never had it given to them and they found it hard to pass on, i tried to break the cycle, and i sort of did, but not 100 per cent, to me it is the biggest gift you can ever give your children HIGH SELF ESTEEM.

[caseysmom]

well i am of the older generation here i guess, and i have to say i totally disagree with some of the comments made, i think your brother n law is WAY OUT OF LINE here, and could in fact have a detrimental affect on that young boy.

He has too high expectations of him ,totally unreal in my opinion, i am all for manners and respect too, i was raised that way and hopefully raised my two that way as well, but honestly i let my children be just that children. That did not mean they were allowed to destroy anything or others people's property or have bad manners, nope i instilled those in them and was always told what lovely mannered kids i had,but i still let them be kids and after all some things are age appropriate.

It is your house and guests in your house need to respect THAT,if you find his behaviour offensive, be it the brother n law or the little boy, you should say so.

My children always had the understanding there were things they were allowed to do in my house , but not necessarily in others, like my mothers home, my mother could never understand that,but it worked for me and my kids soon got to know all the rules.

I may well have not read it right, but i did not see anything that would make me label this kid a BRAT.

Also worth a mention ,yep i was raised with good manners, and do as you are told, but i have to say the self esteem was not there or encouraged, my parents just never had it given to them and they found it hard to pass on, i tried to break the cycle, and i sort of did, but not 100 per cent, to me it is the biggest gift you can ever give your children HIGH SELF ESTEEM.

As usual you said it most eloquently Carole...totally how I feel. Luckily I think Ryan is for the most part oblivious to my bil except for the fact that I did see him try to engage my bil sunday and was unsuccessful. The only time I see him being a brat is sometimes to his mom and if I am around I talk to him about being nice to his mom. Sunday he was extremelly well behaved my bil just had to have something to say because he now has it in for my nephew...how mature....he use to be a police officer...may be where the control thing comes from.