Monica, I experienced a similar situation not too long ago. My friend was also overweight, not 400 lbs. but 350 and it was difficult for her to navigate, so I know what you mean. Her weight didn't matter to me; it mattered to her and she'd become very defensive about it w/o anyone even bringing up the subject. She gave strangers the impression of being a cheerful person but she was downright mean to her friends and to me most of all. I tolerated it b/c I knew her history, I was friends w/her family and I knew that she didn't mean most of what she said. Her mistake was laying into me once when my son was so sick w/myositis. (If you'll recall, I posted on PT about it b/c, at the time, doctors didn't know what was wrong w/him, just that he was paralyzed. Anyhow, he's fine now.) She called me "more stupid and assinine that I've ever known you to be". That did it for me. Everyone knows how I abhor name-calling and to say such a mean spirited thing when I was so worried about my son was not something that a friend would say. So I told her that her behavior was a 20 year pattern and that unless and until she could speak to me w/respect, not to speak to me at all. That was 3 years ago and the only time she has spoken to me is when I went to her husband's funeral. So clearly she feels that she cannot speak to me w/respect.

My life has been much calmer w/o her vitriol and downright nastiness. If she would call me now, I'd be pleasant and hope that she had learned her lesson. Unfortunately, I spoke to a mutual friend over Memorial Day weekend and she told me that this person hardly has any friends left b/c she treated them all the way she treated me. I would resume our friendship if she would change her attitude and the way she treats people but she hasn't so she can keep her distance. I don't want her to be lonely just as you don't want your friend to be lonely. However, it isn't up to us to entertain them, listen to their problems and then be treated w/disrespect. Your friend MAY be seeking help. Feel out the situation and if she hasn't changed, let her go. If she has, go slowly and see if you can resume the friendship.