The frustrations of needy, clingy men!!

**jennielynn1970** · 02-28-2009, 10:03 AM

I did cancel for today. Part of me sees an ex-boyfriend's behavior in him. If he's like this and we haven't even met, what would he be like if we dated??? Possessive?? Abusive?? I don't want to ever be in that situation again.

Ugh. He seemed normal. For a while. I know he needs to get out. He needs to do more things and be more social. I know he hasn't been able to the past few months because of the surgery he had and the open wound he has healing from the ulcer. He just got so clingy so fast! He's a big guy too, 6'3" and muscular, so strength is on his side as well. It just scares me when I see this kind of emotional reaction from a guy like that.

As for my assistant, she said she thinks he's a good guy! She says "Awe Jenn, he really likes you." Um... what, for dinner??

**Karen** · 02-28-2009, 11:18 AM

Glad you cancelled for today. I would go with your gut, but maybe he's just anxious to meet you which is why he's been so clingy? At least wait until you feel better, then go from there. Have you mentioned his clinginess to him? Maybe he thinks that's what women want?

**jennielynn1970** · 02-28-2009, 11:29 AM

I've mentioned it to him now a few times. He doesn't see it, which is a bit disconcerting. He sees himself as being caring and romantic.

**kokopup** · 02-28-2009, 12:15 PM

Being caring and romantic is one thing but if his clinging is from insecurity then that is quite another. Insecure men tend to be abusive and demanding as time goes on.

If you decide to meet him having his nieces there is a good thing. Make
your initial meeting the type that would be of a short duration such as
coffee at Starbucks. If all is ok on this initial meeting then you can plan a
meeting of a longer duration.

You should tread carefully, It is one thing to date someone with a handicap that they handle well and another to becoming a crutch that they need to have around.

**Nomilynn** · 02-28-2009, 02:47 PM

I met a guy online once and we went out for dinner. That was it. After that one night, I knew that he was WAAAYYY more into it than me. Anyway, he didn't take the hint. He contstantly texted me, emailed, etc. and I finally said "Look I just didn't feel a connection with you. You are a nice guy but not my type." Well.. you would have thought we were engaged. He said "I really felt something that night and I really thought we had a future together."

A FUTURE!?? I met him ONE TIME and I gave him a hug goodnight to thank him for driving, that was all. He was a real weirdo.

Anyhoo - the moral of my story is, if you have these instincts now, they are probably right!! And it is SO WRONG on a first meeting for him to think that you should have to meet his family! Who does that??

**Flatcoatluver** · 02-28-2009, 02:53 PM

I think it was best that you didn't go today, but what was his reactions? Did he seem really dissapointed?

**Medusa** · 02-28-2009, 03:52 PM

If you're having feelings like this now, Jenn, there's nowhere to go from here. It's only going to get worse. Delete him from your Facebook account, keep yourself invisible when online, check caller ID to be sure that you don't pick up when he calls. Just make yourself unavailable. You've talked to him about it and he's not seeing it the way you see it, so it isn't being cruel to disappear; it's being safe. Don't waste any more time w/him, especially if you're serious about finding someone with whom you can truly be comfortable. I became nervous and edgy just reading your post. Do you really want to be w/someone who's needy and clingy? He's that way already and you haven't even met. No. Run.

**jennielynn1970** · 02-28-2009, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by Flatcoatluver

I think it was best that you didn't go today, but what was his reactions? Did he seem really dissapointed?

He totally freaked out. I'm also sick as heck with a stomach bug, so that is a legit excuse, but omg, you would have thought that I was just doing the worst thing ever. He said how the kids were going to be upset, and how he was going to send them home early because he didn't want them to see him being so upset and all kinds of things. It got to be really dramatic. I tried to answer him and being very calm about it all, and said I didn't feel comfortable meeting him, and that I was still sick, and how I was sorry. I'm not the one who invited 3 little girls over to meet me my first time meeting him. Between that and meeting his mom and possibly a sister, it was just too much. Add in all the other stuff on top of that, and you've got one very uncomfortable date!

**jennielynn1970** · 02-28-2009, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by Nomilynn

He contstantly texted me, emailed, etc. and I finally said "Look I just didn't feel a connection with you. You are a nice guy but not my type." Well.. you would have thought we were engaged. He said "I really felt something that night and I really thought we had a future together."

A FUTURE!?? I met him ONE TIME

You should see the one poem he wrote me (yeah... a poem), it has something in it about thinking of how I would be as his WIFE.

**Nomilynn** · 02-28-2009, 05:57 PM

Originally Posted by jenn_librarian

You should see the one poem he wrote me (yeah... a poem), it has something in it about thinking of how I would be as his WIFE.

Oh no!!! Yeah.. run for the hills, knock stuff down as you go behind you, and don't look back!!!

**Karen** · 02-28-2009, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by jenn_librarian

You should see the one poem he wrote me (yeah... a poem), it has something in it about thinking of how I would be as his WIFE.

Aww, that reminds me of my friend Phillip - I had to convince him giving a woman a poem proclaiming undying love after one date was NOT appropriate. He did it anyway, and that relationship ended - no surprise!

By the way, Phillip did eventually learn, and got married for the first time about 6 months ago to a lovely woman.

**lvpets2002** · 03-02-2009, 12:44 PM

Good Girl for Canceling.. This is why my door stays closed more than open (if you know what I mean).. I am so with what Donna said.. Go by your gutt feeling & if its not right then Dump the Dude & dont look back..

Originally Posted by jenn_librarian

I did cancel for today. Part of me sees an ex-boyfriend's behavior in him. If he's like this and we haven't even met, what would he be like if we dated??? Possessive?? Abusive?? I don't want to ever be in that situation again.

Ugh. He seemed normal. For a while. I know he needs to get out. He needs to do more things and be more social. I know he hasn't been able to the past few months because of the surgery he had and the open wound he has healing from the ulcer. He just got so clingy so fast! He's a big guy too, 6'3" and muscular, so strength is on his side as well. It just scares me when I see this kind of emotional reaction from a guy like that.

As for my assistant, she said she thinks he's a good guy! She says "Awe Jenn, he really likes you." Um... what, for dinner??