The frustrations of needy, clingy men!!

[jennielynn1970]

Ok, so what do you do when you meet a guy on line, and he seems like a nice, NORMAL guy, and then slowly but surely, he becomes practically a stalker?? Seriously.

I start talking to this guy, he seems nice. I know he has health problems (he fell off a platform at work and was partially paralyzed, but now can walk better; he also just had surgery for perforated ulcer), and because of the health problems he hasn't been to work for 5 years. So, he's at home, recovering, learning to walk again, and doing all that stuff and living with his mom again. I have NO issue with that. I mean, how could I??? He's lucky he survived and that he's doing so well.

What I have an issue with is him calling me all the time, or constantly checking for me on my messenger screen name (I'm now invisible.. and I haven't done that for years!!!). He is just so clingy and so needy, it's driving me nuts. He leaves all these mushy messages on my Facebook profile, and it just makes me want to vomit. I'm not kidding!!! Maybe other women would like this, but he's giving me the creeps.

I'm supposed to meet him today for the first time. First off, I see BIG RED FLAGS all over the place about this. Secondly, I've been sick for 4 days now and I still don't feel good and don't want to be running to the bathroom while I'm there every 15 minutes. Third, I don't want to get them sick. Oh yeah, and his nieces will be there because they want to meet me. Umm... pressure much???

I'm freaking out at this point. It's 9:30 and I am supposed to go there at noon today, but I just don't see it happening. I want to just stay home and hide from him!

Any thoughts??

[moosmom]

Go with your gut instincts. If you don't feel good about it, and you're obviously seeing red flags, DON'T GO!!!!

Better to be safe than sorry.

[pomtzu]

Ditto on Donna's post. And tell him you're still sick and don't want to give him or his nieces anything contagious - especially in his weakened state of health!

And then maybe gradually ease out of your association with him if he makes you uncomfortable.

He might be harmless, but you never know. Go with your instincts!

[Catty1]

The saying on one of my internet dating profiles is: "When on a pedestal, watch for pigeons!"

This guy needs a social life - and it has to include more than one person.

If you are feeling sick, tell him. Cancel. And I hope you have call display so you don't answer all his calls. (If you don't you can pick up a cheap one at a dollar or electronics store).

Also - and this is drastic - you may want to report his behaviour to whatever Facebook moderator there is. He may just need a sharp reminder that his behavior is harrassment verging on stalking.

Delete him from your Facebook account. Block and delete everything you can. If you want to first send him a message about how uncomfy you are because he calls too much or whatever, do that.

Ask your work assistant what to say. She'll have something good!

[jennielynn1970]

I did cancel for today. Part of me sees an ex-boyfriend's behavior in him. If he's like this and we haven't even met, what would he be like if we dated??? Possessive?? Abusive?? I don't want to ever be in that situation again.

Ugh. He seemed normal. For a while. I know he needs to get out. He needs to do more things and be more social. I know he hasn't been able to the past few months because of the surgery he had and the open wound he has healing from the ulcer. He just got so clingy so fast! He's a big guy too, 6'3" and muscular, so strength is on his side as well. It just scares me when I see this kind of emotional reaction from a guy like that.

As for my assistant, she said she thinks he's a good guy! She says "Awe Jenn, he really likes you." Um... what, for dinner??

[Karen]

Glad you cancelled for today. I would go with your gut, but maybe he's just anxious to meet you which is why he's been so clingy? At least wait until you feel better, then go from there. Have you mentioned his clinginess to him? Maybe he thinks that's what women want?

[lvpets2002]

Good Girl for Canceling.. This is why my door stays closed more than open (if you know what I mean).. I am so with what Donna said.. Go by your gutt feeling & if its not right then Dump the Dude & dont look back..

I did cancel for today. Part of me sees an ex-boyfriend's behavior in him. If he's like this and we haven't even met, what would he be like if we dated??? Possessive?? Abusive?? I don't want to ever be in that situation again.

Ugh. He seemed normal. For a while. I know he needs to get out. He needs to do more things and be more social. I know he hasn't been able to the past few months because of the surgery he had and the open wound he has healing from the ulcer. He just got so clingy so fast! He's a big guy too, 6'3" and muscular, so strength is on his side as well. It just scares me when I see this kind of emotional reaction from a guy like that.

As for my assistant, she said she thinks he's a good guy! She says "Awe Jenn, he really likes you." Um... what, for dinner??