Calling all moms! Did/do you co-sleep?

[kitten645]

I don't have children but if I did they'd be sleeping in their own bed in their own room. I'm also a very light sleeper and now my cats are waking me up throughout the night.

__________________

Perfect answer for me. I can't recall ever asking to sleep with my parents and even today if I end up asked to sleep with my sister I recall swift kicks! I'll have my own space thanks!

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I didn't, and I wouldn't - ever.

In 2007 44 infants died while sleeping with parents, other children or a pet. There was at least one in this state.

How many died sleeping alone in their cribs? Research has shown that co-sleeping actually reduces the risk of SIDS. The biggest cause of SIDS is not suffocation or choking as many assume. SIDS is mostly caused by long pauses in the babies breathing while they are asleep. Research has shown that co-sleeping babies most often breath in harmony with their mothers which reduces the pauses in their breathing and reduces the risk of SIDS.

Co-sleeping does need to be done safely. You don't put your newborn in a crib with a pillow and blanket, nor should you put your newborn in a co-sleeping environment with a pillow and blanket. We also have bedrails on our bed. You need to make sure the mattress fits sung against the headboard, just the same as you would make sure the mattress fits snug against the sides of the crib.

It had surprised me how controversial this issue is...people on one side say that co-sleeping is the only way to have a happy and secure child, and the other side say that if you co-sleep your child will never be independent. Personally, I can't see either side...I am somewhere in the middle (as usual ) I think it's up to each individual child. I know that in many cultures, it is odd to consider a baby having their own room.

Isn't that the truth! Like I've already said, I've very pro co-sleeping, but I do understand and respect that it isn't for every family or every child. I do feel that it deserves the same research, consideration, and thought that new parents put into other issues like vaccinations, circumcision, breast feeding, etc.

[Grace]

How many died sleeping alone in their cribs? Research has shown that co-sleeping actually reduces the risk of SIDS. The biggest cause of SIDS is not suffocation or choking as many assume. SIDS is mostly caused by long pauses in the babies breathing while they are asleep. Research has shown that co-sleeping babies most often breath in harmony with their mothers which reduces the pauses in their breathing and reduces the risk of SIDS.

The initial query was about co-sleeping, not SIDS. Comparing the two would be like comparing apples and oranges. The deaths I mentioned were caused by suffocation - when a parent rolled over on the child for instance. When the death was investigated, a positive cause was determined.

In an average year, approximately 2300 infants die from SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is defined as the sudden death of an infant less than one year of age that cannot be explained after a thorough investigation is conducted, including a complete autopsy, examination of the death scene, and review of the clinical history.

[Twisterdog]

I will be interested to see how daycare goes on monday. they have them sleep on mats... I wonder if they will get her to stay still and go to sleep lol

LOL ... good luck with that. On my son's first day at the daycare center, all was going great until naptime. They brought out the little sleeping mats and told them to lay down on them. My son looks at the teacher, mortified, and says, "I am NOT a dog!" LMAO!

[k9krazee]

The initial query was about co-sleeping, not SIDS. Comparing the two would be like comparing apples and oranges.

I think co-sleeping and SIDS are directly related. Studies have shown that children who co-sleep rarely suffer from SIDS. We're not 100% sure why, but it has been shown. And the amount of people that roll over on their children? How often do you think that actually happens? Sure, if the parent was completely intoxicated or something. I know you posted some stats that showed that kids did die from suffocation or from parents rolling over, but there are many factors to consider. Like KBlaix said, certain precautions need to be in place before and if you're stupid about it something could happen. If you have a baby sleeping next to you, I'm sure you'd still be conciously aware of that child throughout the night even though you don't think you would. Just my 2 cents.

[Cookiebaker]

I think co-sleeping and SIDS are directly related. Studies have shown that children who co-sleep rarely suffer from SIDS. .

YES! When I was pregnant I did some research on SIDS because my in-laws lost their oldest to SIDS when he was 6 months old. Anyway, I found some research (I'm sorry I can't remember what foundation or scientist did the study because its been a couple of years). What they did was studied the breathing patterns of mothers and babies who were in separate rooms, and in the same room. And what they found was that babies who are in the same room (bassinette next to her bed), their breathing synchronized, and the baby's sleep patterns mirrored the mothers. And it explains why, very often the baby wakes to eat when the mother slips into a lighter sleep. I hope what I am trying to say makes sense.

I am kind of surprised at how many nay-sayers there are to co-sleeping. Yes, its important to teach them to be independant but I question the need for independance by the ripe old age of two?

I was severely criticized by a close family member after Lydia was born because I held her alot. They told me that I was 'spoiling' her. Further, I held her to sleep every night and every nap time. The fact is, I have not raised a clingy needy child. She is a very well-rounded child, goes happily to other people and I can leave her with babysitters and she doesn't even cry. I personally think that when you leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark, your child is much more likely to suffer from anxiety and separation difficulities. but when you make them feel secure, they are secure all the way around.

That said I am certainly not an expert, and learning right along with the next mother!

[pomtzu]

The fact is, I have not raised a clingy needy child. She is a very well-rounded child, goes happily to other people and I can leave her with babysitters and she doesn't even cry. I personally think that when you leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark, your child is much more likely to suffer from anxiety and separation difficulities. but when you make them feel secure, they are secure all the way around.

I don't believe that you should leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark either, but if they have slept in their own bed/crib from the start, then this is rarely an event that would be normal. Of course there are always exceptions, and even children that have always slept by themselves will have an occasional issue with going to their own bed. Perhaps they are sick, just not ready for sleep, etc, etc., - then make an occasional exception.
And you are very fortunate that your baby doesn't have the problem of not wanting to be away from you, so this must be working well for you. I just know that the majority of younger mothers that I know who do or have co-slept, haven't had the success with it that you have had. Good job! Seriously!

[carole]

I never let my babies sleep in the bed with me as babies, always in the bassinet beside our bed,but as they were toddlers no problem,honestly we expect our little ones to sleep alone, but we don't do we lol.

I think you have to go with what you feel is right, and people will tell you all sorts,most of which i found to be untrue, as i said before i had no problem with the transition from parents bed to her own bed, i think it really depends on the child, they are all different, it was certainly frowned upon in my day as a young one, but times have changed and in my opinion for the better.

[sparks19]

When Hannah was an infant I was always holding her... always. when she napped I usually held her or put her in her boppy right next to me. But she did sleep in her crib at night. But that was a choice we made. I don't look down on people who co sleep and I don't think they all end up with clingy high maintenance children... sure some do but so do some kids who sleep in their own room. I don't think sleeping arrangement dictates what the child will turn out like.

Hannah has always slept in her own room and she certainly doesn't have any seperation anxiety nor do I leave her to cry alone in the dark. I do NOT EVER just let her cry. If she cries when put to bed (this usually only happens if she is sick anyway) I will cuddle her until she is ready to go back to bed (usually only a couple minutes). Most nights I take her to bed at her bedtime and she goes right to sleep. she has no issues with going to strangers and she is very independant.

I don't think that having her sleep in her own crib is going to doom her to a life of anxiety and abandonment issues... just like I don't think that a child is doomed to become clingy because they co sleep. Some children do fine with co sleeping and some children do fine with being in their own room.

[carole]

Absolutely, you are right on there, which ever way one decides, to either co-sleep or not, neither child will grow up with either anxiety or dependence, it depends soley on the child i think and how the parents deal with it.

[JenBKR]

I don't believe that you should leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark either, but if they have slept in their own bed/crib from the start, then this is rarely an event that would be normal.

I wish it was that easy! As I stated before, Ty was doing very well in his crib, but too many things get in the way. Teething, shots, illness.....then, you comfort for a few nights. After that, I can't just put him back in his crib, he wants to still be with me.

I slept in my parents' bed many nights growing up, as did my sister. In fact, when my father went out of town for business, as he often did, my sister and I would sleep in their bed with my mom, even in high school! We are both independent, well adjusted people now living on our own. Personally, I don't see how sleeping in the 'family bed' as a child really has anything to do with independence.

[Cataholic]

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child.

[JenBKR]

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child.

So true! People are so quick to tell you what ou are doing wrong...and not just experts.....other moms, and even people without any kids! I think you have to have thick skin to be a mom these days......

[Giselle]

I don't think sleeping arrangement dictates what the child will turn out like.

Ding ding ding!! I think the proverbial nail has been hit

There is an enormous multitude of studies and research that both prove and disprove the benefits of sleeping arrangements. I would believe that the results are so variable because the issue is so *subjective*. I have a hard time believing that co-sleeping overwhelmingly leads to clinginess. Likewise, I have a hard time believing that separate-sleeping inherently leads to independence.

We can tout anecdotes all day long, but, then again, there's those pesky "confidence bias" and "illusory correlation" issues we have to keep in mind

On that note, regarding our anecdotes of clingy, co-slept children, we should also keep confounding variables in mind, too. Couldn't it be that the co-sleeping mothers one knew were just more inclined to have emotionally dependent temperaments? Temperament is strongly genetic, so, therefore, couldn't co-slept children simply have inherited that emotionally dependent temperament?

[catnapper]

I have to laugh... since this thread, Cameron has slept with us more than he has in a long time! He slept with us again last night. I always end up having a miserable night's sleep because I'm aware of him and I want to give him plenty of room and not crush him.

He's been having bad dreams all week, and hasn't been feeling good, so we've been letting him sleep with us.

Oh, and cataholic's statement about what feels right for you and your child couldn't be more on the mark! There's no right or wrong when rearing your child because you know their personality and temperment. What works for one child might be disasterous for another.