Trying my da****** to stay off the pity pot...

[K9karen]

Okeedokey then...

Hmmmm..... just a few weeks ago, YOU were cheering ME up, Candance, remember???

There are lots of us who know how you and Richard feel. The best gift I could get would be to hug my parents again. But I do, everyday, same feel, same smell, even if it's in my head.

Yep, this decorative season can be very depressing. And when you can't reach your friends, or they turn you down for something, it's especially upsetting. But, it's not personal. It's a busy time. I hope mom and you go to Christmas dinner! It'll make you feel so much better, you'll see.

I now have a total of 5 events this coming week! Who wudda thought? And it's with people I really love and enjoy. i guess the feeling is mutual. Oh Joy!

Of course I over spent my budget, but it made me happy to buy gifts for kids and myself. I deserve it.

And as far as having a man....it ain't all that and a bag of chips. I guess if you're lucky, you find that special someone. Don't sweat it. Sometimes I think I'm better off alone. I like the independence. I was never one to really care.

You're still on this earth, have a job, an income and people who really care about you! Have a Merry Merry! Your sis and dad are together, sending you love. I doubt they'd want you to be unhappy. I know mine wouldn't.

{HUGSSSSSSSS}

[Laura's Babies]

Some of my best times were at last minute invites to a holiday dinner.. they always seen to be the BEST! I bet you and your Mom will have a blast!

I forget the reason I had no plans for Christmas and neither did some of my other single friends. One of them called, said she was going to cook and if i had no plans, to come over and eat Christmas dinner with her. Turned out she had 3 or 4 of us singles show up and we had a ball! We ate until we about popped and I got several great recipes that I still use today from her.

GO an enjoy yourself!

I have no man in my life either except for a friend in another state that calls 3 or 4 times a week and I know I am better off alone. No BS to put up with, no one to wash clothes for, to cook for, have to clean up after, explaine where I have been or why I am sleeping late... The best part... I can spend MY money the way I want to!!!

[K9karen]

some of my best times were at last minute invites to a holiday dinner.. They always seen to be the best! I bet you and your mom will have a blast!

I forget the reason i had no plans for christmas and neither did some of my other single friends. One of them called, said she was going to cook and if i had no plans, to come over and eat christmas dinner with her. Turned out she had 3 or 4 of us singles show up and we had a ball! We ate until we about popped and i got several great recipes that i still use today from her.

Go an enjoy yourself!

I have no man in my life either except for a friend in another state that calls 3 or 4 times a week and i know i am better off alone. No bs to put up with, no one to wash clothes for, to cook for, have to clean up after, explaine where i have been or why i am sleeping late... The best part... I can spend my money the way i want to!!!

amen sister!

[Medusa]

I read this last night just before I was heading for bed and I waited til this morning to reply because I didn't want to say anything stupid or nonsensical. When I'm tired, I tend to ramble. LOL

I'm glad that you got the invitation to Christmas dinner, Candace. I had been feeling the same way you felt nearly all year. This has been the loneliest year of my life. I entertain quite often, I love it but sometimes it's nice when someone else says "Hey, we'd like your company. Come on over." I have a friend who lives right across the street from me that I've included in all my holidays and I invite her quite often for wine and cheese and a movie or to go shopping together, etc. but she hasn't reciprocated in the four years that I've known her. Her excuse is "I need to clean my house first". Ok, some people just don't like to entertain; I get that but then invite me out for coffee or lunch and a movie then. It just doesn't occur to her, I guess. She has a full family, daughters, son, grandkids but takes it all for granted.

I'm always the one who cooks the big Thanksgiving dinner, has the open house on Christmas eve, a big buffet on Easter, etc. I felt sorry for myself this year and thought "Does it not occur to people that I'm alone and have been for nearly 13 years?" And I don't have the luxury of a double income; most of my friends have husbands who are working. My son is thousands of miles away and this is the first Thanksgiving that he was able to make it home in 11 years. I miss him so much on Thanskgiving; it's his favorite holiday and everyone knows how much I miss him, yet no invitation is ever forthcoming, so I've made it a practice to invite others instead, especially those who are in the same circumstances that I'm in. I was so thankful that my son was able to make it home this year, yet I wondered why no one said "Hey, why don't the two of you join us this year instead of the other way around?" Well, a girlfriend finally did but only after I waited and figured no invitation was coming so I planned the usual Thanksgiving dinner and invited people. Then the invitation came. I think she felt that she was safe in assuming that we wouldn't be there then.

Holidays are so different now. When I was married to John, most of my family was still alive, his too. I started shopping for Christmas presents months in advance for our families plus our employees and business associates, vendors, etc. Now I have my son and a couple of friends to think of and that's it. No kids running around on Christmas eve, no friends of my son's coming over because they're all married and have families of their own now. My parents and all of my siblings but one sister have passed on. She refuses to visit and it's difficult for me to visit her because I have to make arrangements for the Fur Posse and I don't like to impose on my catsitter during the holidays unless it would be an emergency.

It can be so lonely. Watching commercials on TV of families celebrating together or husbands giving their wives surprise Christmas gifts makes me tear up every time. I wish I was still married to John but that's a futile wish. It's all a downward spiral and it's useless. So that's when I force myself to take stock of all that I have, and not just materially, and I watch a movie that guarantees that I'll feel grateful, such as "Midnight Clear". I watched it last night and was made to realize just how bad some other people have it. I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, just to demonstrate that I share your heartache and, if you and your Mom lived closer, I assure you that the invitation for all holidays and gatherings and coffee klatches would be a standing one.

Merry Christmas to you and your mom, Candace. Better days are coming. We gotta keep the faythe.

[moosmom]

Candace,

It's the season. I have a pity party every year and it starts from August 16th and continues through New Year's. It has to do with a number of sad circumstances that happened in my life beginning with the death of my mom in October of 1973, the fire that destroyed our home and killed my beloved grandfather two months later and ends witth my Dad's death in 1997. I've found that as the years go by, the pain and loneliness aren't as bad. It's also one of the reasons I miss my brother so much, as he lives in NC and I can only talk on the phone or email him (airfare is just too expensive). I'm hoping he'll keep his promise of a visit in the Spring. I do not want his last visit to be 6 years ago just before I relocated to MI.

I think we all understand the meaning and importance of family during these difficult times, and believe me, you are not alone.

I hope you try to have a wonderful Christmas. PM me again with your phone number (it got lost when I bought a new phone) I'll call you tonight. My shoulder is all yours.

As far as not having or in the prospect of finding a significant other, I hear ya girlfriend. It took many years for me to finally feel comfortable being alone.

Love and hugs, girlfriend

Donna and fur crew

[carole]

Dearest Candace, it pains me to read your post, you are one of the most lovely people on PT, always there to cheer others, and research ,well girlfriend, you should receive a PT award for that, you give of your time graciously looking things up for people, without even being asked, and it is much appreciated.

Remember you are indeed a GIFT to many people, especially here on PT.

And yes you don't need a man, but yes they are nice to have,I hope you find your Mr Right out there,maybe you need to look further a field, a good kiwi bloke might do the trick lol.

I sincerely hope that your xmas is a nice one shared with people who make you feel good, and i am sad you are feeling this way, xmas can be a very sad and lonely time for many,remember we are always here for you on PT, even though i am thousands of miles away, you will be in my thoughts,love and hugs.



This might make you smile.

[Catty1]

Carole, that is SO cute! Happy Belated Birthday!

Thank you to everyone else who posted.

I just spoke to my mom, and since she has spent 6 shopping trips for Christmas dinner at her place, she has said she prefers to have it at her place. (She did ask if I knew of anyone who was on their own for Christmas).

So I emailed my friends and declined. I was crying when I did it...I mean, how many more Christmases will I get with my mom? At the same time, it feels really lonely with just the two of us.

But I asked my friends if they knew anyone on their own, and I emailed my church about that as well.

Thanks for your words, folks. This is a time of year when aloneness can hit REALLY hard, as you all know.

OK...now to go back up a dead HD....work today!

HUGS to you all and deep wishes for a Merry Christmas!