Puddy

[Medusa]

Night time has set in again, the hour that I always dread. I'm missing my little Puddy something fierce. I cleaned her room today instead of waiting until Saturday, my usual deep cleaning day. I thought I was being smart, dealing w/the pain now instead of postponing it. But I wasn't ready. Seeing her little bed and the new fountain that I bought just for her, all of her things, it was just too much. I've been feeling such sadness and now that it's dark, it's worse. I know that it'll get better; I've been through this before but as some of you have noted, Puddy was my heart kitty. So many of you have lost your beloved pets, so I hope you'll forgive me if it seems like I'm trying to drag this situation on. I'm really not; I just feel better when I let my feelings out and what better place to do that than PT? I wish I could turn back the clock to last weekend. Saturday and Sunday were her best days in months. I guess I just should comfort myself w/the fact that she's having even better days now. She is, isn't she?

[Catty1]

Even before last weekend, her really good days - I remember the day she gave the fountain a couple of licks just to show you, and then kept on being stubborn about the tub faucet.

She IS having wonderful days now, Mary. I wish we each could get a clear message from loved ones who have died that they are now all right. They ARE.

She's likely rounded up her own Posse at the Bridge.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Someone in another post said you did the right thing...you did make the decision, but Puddy decided on her own. All she had was the shot to ease her breathing - and then she left.

Oscar is my heart kitty, but I just can't hold back because it will hurt one day. You didn't hold back either...we just love them no matter what.

How is the Posse reacting?

Take care

[Medusa]

Even before last weekend, her really good days - I remember the day she gave the fountain a couple of licks just to show you, and then kept on being stubborn about the tub faucet.

She IS having wonderful days now, Mary. I wish we each could get a clear message from loved ones who have died that they are now all right. They ARE.

She's likely rounded up her own Posse at the Bridge.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Someone in another post said you did the right thing...you did make the decision, but Puddy decided on her own. All she had was the shot to ease her breathing - and then she left.

Oscar is my heart kitty, but I just can't hold back because it will hurt one day. You didn't hold back either...we just love them no matter what.

How is the Posse reacting?

Take care

Thanx, Candace. The Fur Posse is ok. Puddy was isolated upstairs for the last couple of months and towards the end, I didn't even bring her downstairs to eat breakfast w/them because she wouldn't eat and would just walk away and scamper back upstairs. So I think they're all used to her being gone. Even when I brought her downstairs wrapped in a towel and took her outdoors on the patio, they seemed not to notice. I sat indoors a few minutes w/her so that they could see her and they sniffed a second and moved on. Wish I could be that way.

I decided to have one of Puddy's fudgesicles a few minutes ago and I sat on the sofa and Cgirl hopped up beside me, looked up at me as if to say "Let me help you w/that, Mom" and she took a big slurp. So I guess the tradition will continue w/Cgirl. Maybe that was Puddy's way of telling me that it's ok to let her go. I just don't want to yet.

[pomtzu]

[QUOTE=Medusa;2068990] So many of you have lost your beloved pets, so I hope you'll forgive me if it seems like I'm trying to drag this situation on.(/QUOTE)

I for one don't feel like you're dragging it on. Some people just bottle it all up and keep it inside, whereas you can speak openly about it. It's probably the best therapy for you! Just to never mention Puddy again is not an option, and I'm glad to see you sharing your feelings. We all miss her too - reading about her every day - it wouldn't seem right if there wasn't anything left for you to share with us.

And her days a wonderful, and she's passing the time in love and play until you are reunited.

[momtomany]

Mary what better place than here to share your grief with us, after all we are your Pet Talk family. Grief for our fur babies doesn't go away in a day, it stay with us for a long time. My heart still aches for the ones that have gone before me. Share with us as we share with you. I do hope God's comfort is there and will be there for all the times you need it. Remember you are loved by many on this site.

[mamaducky]

So many of you have lost your beloved pets, so I hope you'll forgive me if it seems like I'm trying to drag this situation on. I'm really not; I just feel better when I let my feelings out and what better place to do that than PT? I wish I could turn back the clock to last weekend. Saturday and Sunday were her best days in months. I guess I just should comfort myself w/the fact that she's having even better days now. She is, isn't she?

You are so absolutely NOT "dragging the situation on", Mary -- for goodness' sake, it's only been a couple of days! Nobody -- especially not around these PT parts -- would think such a thing. I still cry sometimes over the loss of my darling Murphy, and it's been over 6 years since he went to the Bridge.

Moreover, you're always so generous with your compassion and advice that there are many, many people here who want to be there for you just as you are for others. My best advice to you at this point is to feel however you want to, whenever you want to. It's how you're going to get better -- which is what you know your "heart kitty" Puddy wants for you as she's raiding the fudgesicle freezer at the RB. (Who knows? Maybe she & Murph are hanging out -- or, as Gary would tell us, hitting the buffets in Vegas!)

It really sucks to be without them, though, doesn't it? (((HUGS))) to you as you go through these first (and worst) few days.

Much love,
Diana

[chocolatepuppy]

Mary, I'm so sorry about Puddy. It really hurts for a long time. Don't feel you're 'dragging' this out, keep talking about her. {hugs}

[gini]

Mary, don't you ever feel as though you are dragging this on. When I lost my first heart kitty, Sugar, it took me months to wrap my head around the reality that he truly was gone and I grieved. I lost him in 1985 and I still have his cat dishes and his original litter box.

I am glad that you have a visit from your son to look forward to......and that will help.

xxoo Gini

[Medusa]

Thanx, everyone. I had a feeling that you'd understand. I have a good friend that I met when I lived in Sedona, AZ. She moved there from England and a couple of years after I moved back to Ohio, she moved again back to England. We've kept in touch all these years; it's been 13 years now and we talk on the phone regularly. She had to have her dog Sunny PTS a couple of weeks ago and I helped her through that and then when Puddy died, she helped me. She's a hospice nurse and grief counselor and she knew exactly what to say. And believe me, she has had her own share of troubles. Her brother became ill and she flew to England to see him and he died before she could make it to his bedside. On the day of his funeral, she got a call from the U.S. saying that the hemorrhoids that she thought she had turned out to be rectal cancer. So this is one strong lady.

She wanted to give me some time, so she emailed me and then called me today. She never got to meet any of my cats and I never got to meet any of her dogs but the first thing she said when she called me today, besides 'How are you', is "Tell me about Puddy". So I rambled on but it felt GOOD. My friends here say they understand but truly, I know they don't. When I told them about how expensive Puddy's meds were, the standard reply was "For a cat??? Are you gonna pay that???" I'll admit that I was stunned at the high price but never for a second did I think that I wouldn't pay it. I was concerned about HOW I was going to pay it but never IF.

Clare, my friend from England, told me that grief is like a big box that we carry around on our shoulders. In the beginning, it's so heavy that we can hardly carry it. As time passes, the box becomes lighter and smaller, to the point where we can put it in our pocket. We take it out occasionally and look at it, then put it back in our pocket to be dealt with again later when the need arises. After a while, it's no longer painful to look at the box but it helps us to recall the good times. Right now, the box that I'm carrying is pretty darned big but it's getting smaller and lighter every day, thanx to my good friends here on PT, Clare, the Fur Posse and, of course, my son and my ex-husband John. Ok, now I'm gonna cry again....

[carole]

Your friend makes so much sense and i love the way she put that to you,it takes time Mary, some of us sooner, some of us much later, when i lost my sooti, i grieved constantly for over three months, infact it was not really healthy the way i grieved in a sense, sure i cryed, but life just seemed so empty ,and i had my hubby ,kids and Ash,at the time,to think about,but i was consumed with it all, especially guilt as well,it was not until my sweet lexie arrived, that the grief i felt eased, and i got back to normal, he has never left my thoughts,and will always hold a special place in my heart,as Puddy will with you.

You take care now and remember it is only very early days yet, you are doing extremely well,HUGS.

[Emeraldgreen]

Clare, my friend from England, told me that grief is like a big box that we carry around on our shoulders. In the beginning, it's so heavy that we can hardly carry it. As time passes, the box becomes lighter and smaller, to the point where we can put it in our pocket. We take it out occasionally and look at it, then put it back in our pocket to be dealt with again later when the need arises. After a while, it's no longer painful to look at the box but it helps us to recall the good times.

What an amazing way to think about grief. I can only imagine how heavy that box must be for you right now. I hope that you will continue to allow yourself to cry whenever, laugh whenever, post whenever and think of Puddy, good times and bad when the need arises. It will all sort itself out.
I remember when Charlie died last year under anesthesia, I was a complete wreck. I was angry with God and I cried buckets for weeks. I shocked myself with how much grief was pouring out. That has now passed but I still can't look at his picture without my heart feeling very heavy. And part of me hopes that never goes away because it is a reminder of how much he meant to me.

Puddy was your family and anyone who doesn't get that just hasn't allowed themselves to be 'touched' by an animal the way they are able to do if we let them. I often receive the same feedback with regard to money spent on pets and I don't even bother trying to explain anymore. Hopefully a special pet will cross their paths one day and steal their hearts so they too will know what it's all about.

I wouldn't doubt for a second that your Puddy girl is visiting you. That's so neat about hearing the 'tap tap tap' the other night. Could it be the fabulous fudgesicle feline? Why not??

[Medusa]

the fabulous fudgesicle feline?

Love it!