Just need to vent and cry

[jazzcat]

Have a good cry, dear - we have terrycloth for shoulders in my clan. Maybe the caretaker should write down "picked 4 ears of corn, thank you!" so you Dad might feel better, having the "crime" acknowledged?

The bad part about it is that she asked him for them and he said okay but it upset him because he said he gave her a few ears earlier this week and that was enough. I've noticed that recently the dementia is making him very stingy with things.

Thanks for the shoulders.

[moosmom]

Jazzcat,

Cry anytime you want. I was in the same predicament when my Dad was alive. The only difference was my dad was a very bad alcoholic. After my stepmom passed away, he lost his will to live and did nothing but drink 24/7. I was his caretaker and there were MANY times all I did was cry. This was before I found PT.

11 years ago they didn't have support groups for children who are forced into caring for elderly parents. I only wish they did. You might want to consider looking into it.

Dementia and Alzheimers are two diseases that to me, along with depression, are the most crippling. When your mind goes, what's left??

I'll PM you with my cell number so if you ever want to talk, call me, okay???

(((((((HUGS)))))))))

Donna

[Barbara]

Lori, I send you a big hug. The bad thing with dementia is it also changes the character of people. And you now deal with a person who is no longer the person you love.
My mom passed away last year and this makes me very sad. But I also know that the person she was when she died was no longer the wonderful person she had been before.
I am sure that he feels so much better deep inside by being able to stay at home and having that garden. Wishing you lots of strength.

[Ginger's Mom]

More hugs coming your way, Lori. You are a very strong and loving daughter. I am not sure I could do what you are doing. As has been mentioned by others dementia can change a person so much, because they don't understand what is going on themselves. I am glad that you also have a caretaker to help with some of the day to day things. You have taken on a big responsibility and you can feel free to vent any time you would like.

[catnapper]

I'm so sorry ((((HUGS))))


I can only imagine the stress you're feeling. Please know you can vent here any time you want.

[jazzcat]

Thanks for all the hugs and letting me vent.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Lori, I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this. Please feel free to vent here any time. We're all here to offer you emotional support. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Pam]

More hugs coming your way, Lori. You are a very strong and loving daughter.

More hugs from me too. My mom is even older than your dad and suffers from dementia also. She lives in a nursing home 50 miles from me. It is in the town where she has been living since 1968 and she is there because originally I thought it the best place to be in order for her to have a flow of visitors. Now, years later, I wish she lived closer but I don't want to upset her world and the care there is second to none.

My mom also worried about her possessions early on. I feel that they are a link to the past and happier times. She would occasionally misplace things and think someone stole them. That is not at all uncommon. These days she knows who I am part of the time, but most of the time does not. Your dad is fortunate to still be able to live on his own and get some enjoyment out of his garden. I believe that when they lose interest in things they go downhill rapidly. It is a very sad thing, indeed, to watch a loved one decline like this. I have watched the Alzheimers patients at this facility and there is a clear distinction between dementia and Alzheimers from what I have observed. The dementia patients are just very confused and forgetful while the Alzheimers patients are living more in their own world and can become very combative. It is heartbreaking to visit there at times because I know that each and every one of these people at one time was living a full and happy life. I can totally understand the stress and sadness you describe and invite you to vent and cry any time at all. I doubt that I could carry the load you are carrying. (((hugs)))

[Randi]

Lori, I can't add much but here's a big hug from me too. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I remember how exhausting it was with my parents. Try to keep strong and have a good cry when you need to. When your dad is gone, you'll feel so much better for having been there for him.


Big (((hugs))))

[Medusa]

A burden shared is a burden lightened. (((HUGS))) to you.

[Denyce]

The bad part about it is that she asked him for them and he said okay but it upset him because he said he gave her a few ears earlier this week and that was enough. I've noticed that recently the dementia is making him very stingy with things.

Thanks for the shoulders.

I would guess that he feels very out of control so by keeping as much close to him as he can lets him feel lilke he regains some control over his life back. I am sure that he realizes he is losing time and things and that has to be scary. That there are things slipping through his fingers so he tries to hold on tighter.

Good luck and my best wishes. It is very hard to deal with dementia and alzheimers and aging loved ones. Take deep breaths and give him a hug. *soft smile*