Opinions needed..............

**DrKym** · 04-14-2007, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by moosmom

Kym,

We all need to be there for our children at some time in our lives. When I ran away to Michigan back in 2002, I did it because my daughter had become dependent on me. I thought I did it for all the right reasons. I was wrong.

Be there for Tiff. But set boundaries. Maybe, if you can find an apartment NEAR you, it'll help. You know, so close, yet so far away??

I'm here for you, ya witchiewench. You need to talk, call me.

Thanks Donna I will look for apartments near you for her.......................

In the meantime she will be coming with no money no job and a sick baby.
Her sister is telling me to offer to take the kids, but honestly I don't think I can handle having a 2 year old and a 5 month old 24/7. Jesses theory is that way Tiff can work out there and arrive with some money to start over here.

**Prairie Purrs** · 04-14-2007, 01:55 PM

Darn, too bad I don't have a place in Illinois yet. (Although I am approved for a loan--yay!) Otherwise Tiff and the kids could stay at my house. Of course, all my cats and I would have to stay with you, because the houses I'm looking at are awfully small.

Really, though, it's a difficult situation. If she's just now decided to get a divorce, might you suggest that she stay put until the legal process is over (court appearances and such)? That would avoid her having to travel back and forth and would give you some more recovery time.

If she does make the move, I agree that you need to do some boundary-setting. (I'm going to have to do the same thing in order to live in the same town as my mother, who is a world-class button-pusher.) If Tiff is going to stay with you, she needs to understand that you'll have to help each other and that it's not all about her.

And seriously, once I'm back there, any time you're feeling frazzled, you and Jas can book a nice hotel in the city for a weekend, and I'll come down and watch over the menagerie. Or you can just come up to my place for a few hours--I'll brew up a nice cuppa, and you can snuggle with Hagrid.

**DrKym** · 04-14-2007, 02:18 PM

Tee-Hee who said Hagrid is going home

(kidding hunny) as for houses the one next door is down to 39K now so you could move here....hint hint.

Tiff and Stuart are halfway through the divorce already and waiting on little more than the custody agreement( see she doesn't call unless she needs me i.e. the car payoff last month, and no mention of the divorce until she needed me)

I really feel awful, I love her dearly, but I don't really like her attitude as a person if that makes sense and I am going to go to Mommy hell for admitting that.

Boundary setting is not an option, she will agree and then do what she wants anyway, which is how she wound up married at 17, she had her Daddy sign, so that she could leave the house.

She felt my rules were too strict and since Jesse was married and free......well you get the idea.

**Blue_Frog** · 04-15-2007, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by Dr.Goodnow

Tee-Hee who said Hagrid is going home

(kidding hunny) as for houses the one next door is down to 39K now so you could move here....hint hint.

Holy Fishsticks Batman!

I can't even get a one bedroom condo out here for less than 149K! Maybe I should move out there

Seriously tho, you need to do whats best for your health (physical and mental), no matter how much you love your kids. And having the extra stress of your daughter and 2 babies in the house is likely not the best plan. You could help her to find a place of her own, get herself settled back into teh area, and even offer to watch the kids once in a while (ie. not everyday from 9-5), but with the zoo and everything else, theres only so many bodies that can be wedged into one household, and i think yours might be nearing capacity

**DrKym** · 04-15-2007, 06:07 PM

Ali, I agree with the zoo part lol!
I did talk to Tiffany today and was told, that since I seem unable to help her and her kids when and how they need it then she will be unable to let me see them, as she only allows family that gives a damn to be a part of their lives.

So I guess I did not have to make the decision after all.

Jesse called and tried to tell me not to be hurt, that Tiff is stressed and being awful to everyone, and to let it slide. That she will keep me updated on the kids and talk to her sister if she doesn't nail her first.

**mike001** · 04-15-2007, 07:17 PM

You have the answer to your question under your nose. What your daughter said to you about not seeing your grandchildren because you can't help is selfish and immature.
Invite her to live near you, make it clear that she must find her own place because of your health issues and make it clear that she is the mom for the kids, not you. Sounds like she needs to grow up fast. It didn't work before, it won't work now. I wouldn't put my health on hold for her problems that she herself created. Make it very clear that she will have to get a job to support herself and her kids.
If you can spare the money, offer to pay first month's rent on a place and then she's in charge.
I think it's called tough love. The dividends are great in the end though. Good luck.

**Catty1** · 04-15-2007, 07:26 PM

Actually, Mike - I think Tiff's comments to her mom put her in just the right spot for her to work everything out for herself, as she should.

If Tiff has cut Kym off - FOR NOW - then she can go ahead and do it her way. A few good doses of humble pie won't hurt her one bit.

"...if [Jesse} doesn't nail her first." LOL

Kym - sounds like you can let this one slide - Tiff has to figure this out by herself, is PO'd and taking it out on everyone. That is my guess.

HUGS to you...Look after yourself and maybe she will learn to do the same.

**wombat2u2004** · 04-15-2007, 07:26 PM

Originally Posted by Dr.Goodnow

Ali, I agree with the zoo part lol!
I did talk to Tiffany today and was told, that since I seem unable to help her and her kids when and how they need it then she will be unable to let me see them, as she only allows family that gives a damn to be a part of their lives.

So I guess I did not have to make the decision after all.

Jesse called and tried to tell me not to be hurt, that Tiff is stressed and being awful to everyone, and to let it slide. That she will keep me updated on the kids and talk to her sister if she doesn't nail her first.

Ahhhhhh...Doc. You don't deserve this mate. Mike has a good idea, perhaps you should try that.
Wom