Opinions needed..............

[Catty1]

I wonder if you phrase it as a mutual question - "Tiff, you are my daughter and I love you, and it would be great for you to be here where you know people and can get a job easily.

"You know, my health has not been really good - and I am not feeling up to doing much at all these days. How can we work out enough quiet time for me without you feeling hurt?

"When I am healthy again, there will be no problem. But for now, I really have to take it easy.'

Let her give part of the answer, or the whole answer.

Just a thought.

Or - Get an unlisted number and don't tell her?

[DrKym]

LMAO, I thought about that! so far though all the opinions are good.
Please keep them coming....I kinda feel like I am in a quagmire here.

[moosmom]

Kym,

We all need to be there for our children at some time in our lives. When I ran away to Michigan back in 2002, I did it because my daughter had become dependent on me. I thought I did it for all the right reasons. I was wrong.

Be there for Tiff. But set boundaries. Maybe, if you can find an apartment NEAR you, it'll help. You know, so close, yet so far away??

I'm here for you, ya witchiewench. You need to talk, call me.

[DrKym]

Kym,

We all need to be there for our children at some time in our lives. When I ran away to Michigan back in 2002, I did it because my daughter had become dependent on me. I thought I did it for all the right reasons. I was wrong.

Be there for Tiff. But set boundaries. Maybe, if you can find an apartment NEAR you, it'll help. You know, so close, yet so far away??

I'm here for you, ya witchiewench. You need to talk, call me.

Thanks Donna I will look for apartments near you for her.......................

In the meantime she will be coming with no money no job and a sick baby.
Her sister is telling me to offer to take the kids, but honestly I don't think I can handle having a 2 year old and a 5 month old 24/7. Jesses theory is that way Tiff can work out there and arrive with some money to start over here.

[Prairie Purrs]

Darn, too bad I don't have a place in Illinois yet. (Although I am approved for a loan--yay!) Otherwise Tiff and the kids could stay at my house. Of course, all my cats and I would have to stay with you, because the houses I'm looking at are awfully small.

Really, though, it's a difficult situation. If she's just now decided to get a divorce, might you suggest that she stay put until the legal process is over (court appearances and such)? That would avoid her having to travel back and forth and would give you some more recovery time.

If she does make the move, I agree that you need to do some boundary-setting. (I'm going to have to do the same thing in order to live in the same town as my mother, who is a world-class button-pusher.) If Tiff is going to stay with you, she needs to understand that you'll have to help each other and that it's not all about her.

And seriously, once I'm back there, any time you're feeling frazzled, you and Jas can book a nice hotel in the city for a weekend, and I'll come down and watch over the menagerie. Or you can just come up to my place for a few hours--I'll brew up a nice cuppa, and you can snuggle with Hagrid.

[DrKym]

Tee-Hee who said Hagrid is going home (kidding hunny) as for houses the one next door is down to 39K now so you could move here....hint hint.

Tiff and Stuart are halfway through the divorce already and waiting on little more than the custody agreement( see she doesn't call unless she needs me i.e. the car payoff last month, and no mention of the divorce until she needed me)

I really feel awful, I love her dearly, but I don't really like her attitude as a person if that makes sense and I am going to go to Mommy hell for admitting that.

Boundary setting is not an option, she will agree and then do what she wants anyway, which is how she wound up married at 17, she had her Daddy sign, so that she could leave the house.

She felt my rules were too strict and since Jesse was married and free......well you get the idea.

[Blue_Frog]

Tee-Hee who said Hagrid is going home (kidding hunny) as for houses the one next door is down to 39K now so you could move here....hint hint.

Holy Fishsticks Batman! I can't even get a one bedroom condo out here for less than 149K! Maybe I should move out there

Seriously tho, you need to do whats best for your health (physical and mental), no matter how much you love your kids. And having the extra stress of your daughter and 2 babies in the house is likely not the best plan. You could help her to find a place of her own, get herself settled back into teh area, and even offer to watch the kids once in a while (ie. not everyday from 9-5), but with the zoo and everything else, theres only so many bodies that can be wedged into one household, and i think yours might be nearing capacity