I read this last night just before I was heading for bed and I waited til this morning to reply because I didn't want to say anything stupid or nonsensical. When I'm tired, I tend to ramble. LOL
I'm glad that you got the invitation to Christmas dinner, Candace. I had been feeling the same way you felt nearly all year. This has been the loneliest year of my life. I entertain quite often, I love it but sometimes it's nice when someone else says "Hey, we'd like your company. Come on over." I have a friend who lives right across the street from me that I've included in all my holidays and I invite her quite often for wine and cheese and a movie or to go shopping together, etc. but she hasn't reciprocated in the four years that I've known her. Her excuse is "I need to clean my house first". Ok, some people just don't like to entertain; I get that but then invite me out for coffee or lunch and a movie then. It just doesn't occur to her, I guess. She has a full family, daughters, son, grandkids but takes it all for granted.
I'm always the one who cooks the big Thanksgiving dinner, has the open house on Christmas eve, a big buffet on Easter, etc. I felt sorry for myself this year and thought "Does it not occur to people that I'm alone and have been for nearly 13 years?" And I don't have the luxury of a double income; most of my friends have husbands who are working. My son is thousands of miles away and this is the first Thanksgiving that he was able to make it home in 11 years. I miss him so much on Thanskgiving; it's his favorite holiday and everyone knows how much I miss him, yet no invitation is ever forthcoming, so I've made it a practice to invite others instead, especially those who are in the same circumstances that I'm in. I was so thankful that my son was able to make it home this year, yet I wondered why no one said "Hey, why don't the two of you join us this year instead of the other way around?" Well, a girlfriend finally did but only after I waited and figured no invitation was coming so I planned the usual Thanksgiving dinner and invited people. Then the invitation came. I think she felt that she was safe in assuming that we wouldn't be there then.
Holidays are so different now. When I was married to John, most of my family was still alive, his too. I started shopping for Christmas presents months in advance for our families plus our employees and business associates, vendors, etc. Now I have my son and a couple of friends to think of and that's it. No kids running around on Christmas eve, no friends of my son's coming over because they're all married and have families of their own now. My parents and all of my siblings but one sister have passed on. She refuses to visit and it's difficult for me to visit her because I have to make arrangements for the Fur Posse and I don't like to impose on my catsitter during the holidays unless it would be an emergency.
It can be so lonely. Watching commercials on TV of families celebrating together or husbands giving their wives surprise Christmas gifts makes me tear up every time. I wish I was still married to John but that's a futile wish. It's all a downward spiral and it's useless. So that's when I force myself to take stock of all that I have, and not just materially, and I watch a movie that guarantees that I'll feel grateful, such as "Midnight Clear". I watched it last night and was made to realize just how bad some other people have it. I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, just to demonstrate that I share your heartache and, if you and your Mom lived closer, I assure you that the invitation for all holidays and gatherings and coffee klatches would be a standing one.
Merry Christmas to you and your mom, Candace. Better days are coming. We gotta keep the faythe.
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