opinions wanted family issue

[Lady's Human]

I'd have a chat with the in-law.

Very simply, it's my house, and if someone is going to start issues, I reserve the right to finish them.

"Control" belongs to the person/people in charge of the household. Frankly I would have shown him the door for being a needless skunk at the garden party. I'd rather have peace with the people who are there and be minus one or two guests.

[caseysmom]

I'd have a chat with the in-law.

Very simply, it's my house, and if someone is going to start issues, I reserve the right to finish them.

"Control" belongs to the person/people in charge of the household. Frankly I would have shown him the door for being a needless skunk at the garden party. I'd rather have peace with the people who are there and be minus one or two guests.

Yeah I agree my in laws were guests in my house and he was insulting my guests...a grown man that has that much trouble with a little boy has issues. When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money but anyway it was funny she took a pic of the kitty walking up on his back when he was laying down I said oh look you do love pizazz and he said pizazz was trying to show dominance I hate that cat....

I think the next time their is a holiday I just won't invite them and if it comes up I will nicely tell my sister why.

[Cataholic]

I'm actually surprised that people think that, by three, kids should have the whole world figured out. Developmentally, 3 year olds ARE the center of their own universe; it's a normal stage of development and they really do not have the cognitive ability not to be so egocentric. And you know what, freaking out over a stupid cake (as a grown, fully developed adult) is WAY more childish and immature than anything the child did.

Your nephew's behavior seems perfectly normal and I think it's the brother in law that has the problem. How does your sister in law feel about the issue (the one whose child is being insulted)? I would talk to her, say you don't like the behavior and ask if it bothers her, then decide what to do.

Nail? Meet head. You are so right. I am really surprised that people think a 3 year old....which is one year away from two...my goodness, my son didn't even TALK at two, think this toddler should have it all figured out, too. Frankly, if one expects such maturity from a three year old, shouldn't the adult know ten times better? It is all about control. Some people have to have it.

Children learn what they are taught. I know how I was raised, and it surely wasn't with such disparaging comments as the ones you have mentioned Caseysmom. The child is three.

Sometimes, I think we forget what it really was like as children, and our views become somewhat tainted. I know of many well behaved children, respectful, kind, thoughtful, etc. And, of course, I know some that aren't. Just like I know some adults that should be forever in a time out chair. LOL.

Bottom line- this man is a guest in YOUR home, and he should act it. If he wants to run roughshod in his OWN home, he can (and prolly does, all alone, too).

[Cataholic]

. When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money

Nice. An adult 'letting' or 'not letting' another adult do something. That would have been clue #1 this person wasn't for me.

[caseysmom]

Nice. An adult 'letting' or 'not letting' another adult do something. That would have been clue #1 this person wasn't for me.

Yep...and since my sister never had children of her own which she wanted it makes me even madder. Don't get me wrong my brother in law treats my sister in law like a queen (with exceptions on cats haha) he opens the door for her (its wierd to me actually she has to sit and wait while he gets out to come over and open her door) he does all the cooking and he generally treats her very well. They are both extreme neat freaks so I was happy she found her match made in hell....haha

[sasvermont]

It seems to me that the BIL has a big mouth and needs someone to tell him that. What a three year old does at someone else's house just isn't his business. Plain and simple.

I agree that three year old kiddies are just that. Three. They are learning skills - and trying to get on with their new lives. His parents should have prepared him for the eating cake scene and the party, etc. before the party. Even then, there is no guarantee the child will act correctly. Kids are kids at age three. I like the well behaved ones, I must admit. They do understand at three, a bit limited, and each time you change up the situation, it confuses them. Give him a couple of years, with good parenting, and he'll be fine. Also, all children are not created equal. Some learn to be socially appropriate much more quickly than others.

I would not invite BIL to any event unless his wife tells him how to behave in order to be a guest. The little boy will be fine.

[moosmom]

When my sister married him she had a cat, now he doesn't let her even though she makes all the money

Hey Johanna,

FINALLY we agree on something! He wouldn't LET her??? What are they, in the stone age????

[caseysmom]

I'm pretty sure when they start acting like this to my daughters twins crud will hit the fan...he already told my daughter he is happy to help with parenting if she asks..they insunuate that I didn't teach them anything...

[Lady's Human]

The more you describe them, the more they sound like petty people, which would make it a petty loss were they not at your next party.

[caseysmom]

The more you describe them, the more they sound like petty people, which would make it a petty loss were they not at your next party.

Exactly...I could go on and on...don't really know why I care I just like to keep the peace so my kids have a relationship with their aunt.

[Scooter's Mom]

Pomtzu,



AMEN SISTA!!!!!

When I was growing up, all my parents had to do was give us "THE LOOK" aka "The hairy eyeball" and we towed the line. I'll tell ya, todays kids have absolutely NO respect for ANYONE.

Unfortunately, neither does some of the older generation.


I say at the age of 3, let the child be a child. If he sticks his fingers in the icing - so what! Your BIL is the one who is acting childish.

[Asiel]

You can toss me in with the old fashioned bunch here. If that was my 3 yr old acting that way he would learn real quick that the behavior is unnacceptable. I've had all I can handle of today's ill behaved kids, and the excuses that come along with the behavior which shows me the parents know the kids are brats but choose the easy way out....let the little darlings do as they please.
No way would any of us ever have gotten away with rude behavior such as this and no way would my own kids have gotten away with it either.

[carole]

well i am of the older generation here i guess, and i have to say i totally disagree with some of the comments made, i think your brother n law is WAY OUT OF LINE here, and could in fact have a detrimental affect on that young boy.

He has too high expectations of him ,totally unreal in my opinion, i am all for manners and respect too, i was raised that way and hopefully raised my two that way as well, but honestly i let my children be just that children. That did not mean they were allowed to destroy anything or others people's property or have bad manners, nope i instilled those in them and was always told what lovely mannered kids i had,but i still let them be kids and after all some things are age appropriate.

It is your house and guests in your house need to respect THAT,if you find his behaviour offensive, be it the brother n law or the little boy, you should say so.

My children always had the understanding there were things they were allowed to do in my house , but not necessarily in others, like my mothers home, my mother could never understand that,but it worked for me and my kids soon got to know all the rules.

I may well have not read it right, but i did not see anything that would make me label this kid a BRAT.

Also worth a mention ,yep i was raised with good manners, and do as you are told, but i have to say the self esteem was not there or encouraged, my parents just never had it given to them and they found it hard to pass on, i tried to break the cycle, and i sort of did, but not 100 per cent, to me it is the biggest gift you can ever give your children HIGH SELF ESTEEM.

[caseysmom]

well i am of the older generation here i guess, and i have to say i totally disagree with some of the comments made, i think your brother n law is WAY OUT OF LINE here, and could in fact have a detrimental affect on that young boy.

He has too high expectations of him ,totally unreal in my opinion, i am all for manners and respect too, i was raised that way and hopefully raised my two that way as well, but honestly i let my children be just that children. That did not mean they were allowed to destroy anything or others people's property or have bad manners, nope i instilled those in them and was always told what lovely mannered kids i had,but i still let them be kids and after all some things are age appropriate.

It is your house and guests in your house need to respect THAT,if you find his behaviour offensive, be it the brother n law or the little boy, you should say so.

My children always had the understanding there were things they were allowed to do in my house , but not necessarily in others, like my mothers home, my mother could never understand that,but it worked for me and my kids soon got to know all the rules.

I may well have not read it right, but i did not see anything that would make me label this kid a BRAT.

Also worth a mention ,yep i was raised with good manners, and do as you are told, but i have to say the self esteem was not there or encouraged, my parents just never had it given to them and they found it hard to pass on, i tried to break the cycle, and i sort of did, but not 100 per cent, to me it is the biggest gift you can ever give your children HIGH SELF ESTEEM.

As usual you said it most eloquently Carole...totally how I feel. Luckily I think Ryan is for the most part oblivious to my bil except for the fact that I did see him try to engage my bil sunday and was unsuccessful. The only time I see him being a brat is sometimes to his mom and if I am around I talk to him about being nice to his mom. Sunday he was extremelly well behaved my bil just had to have something to say because he now has it in for my nephew...how mature....he use to be a police officer...may be where the control thing comes from.

[carole]

he certainly sounds like he has control issues, i would ignore him, it is not fair of him to have an instant dislike for the little boy, very immature of him.

I think you know deep in your heart where you allies lie and you will indeed do the right thing, for you and the little boy.