I just need to talk about this....

I've been dating this guy that I work with for 2 months now...I thought that he was happy w/ me...he even told me that he loved me several times...I never said it back because I didn't know exactly how I felt yet, I mean 2 months was really too soon to be talkin like that to me...but I was glad that he seemes to like me so much...
We like went out EVERY Sunday and hung out all the time when ever we could...we both worked dif. hours so it kinda sucked cause I usually worked when he was off and the same w/ him. Anyway...he told me that I was the first gf he had ever had...and that I was the first girl he had ever kissed too. (He's 18 by the way) 3 years younger than me) But he was so good to me and so sweet to me...he would come over to my house and we'd just have fun watchin movies on the couch together...when we were out at night we would ride around and just listen to the radio and talk...I just loved being w/ him...and he talked like he loved being w/ me too...and I think at the time he really did...then....
The other day when I was fixin to get off work (I got off at 4 and he came in at 4) I talked to him for a few minutes and he only answered my questions..he didn't say anyhting else to me unless I said somethin first and that's so not like him....and when I started to leave....he ALWAYS hugs me or walks me out to my car...and he didn't do either...so that night after he had gotten off work I texted him askin what was up w/ him today...and he texted me back sayin that all this dating stuff was so new to him and a little rough...he said he didn't know what to do at times and he thought it would be best if he just didn't date anyone right now...and I didn't know what to say...he also said it wasn't my fault and nothing that I did...
But it still hurts..I wanna ask him why..he didn't give me a good enough explanation...and now at work he avoids me and won't talk to me or even look at me...It's hard going in at work now..I know he was young..and so am I..but it's still hard...cause I did care about him.. I mean we had so many plans of what we were gonna do...nothin big planned or anything...just simple things... And now I think about him so much..it feels weird not hangin out w/ him or stayin up late texting each other til 3 in the morning.
It just hurts...ya know? Anyway just needed to get it out and tell you guys...Thanks for listening about my boring life :rolleyes:

Not boring at all. I'm so sorry you got hurt. Men! Who knows? Especially at that age, they can be very immature. I know it's hard but make plans and get out with your friends or family. Distraction is the best medicine. Just move on with your happy life. At least he didn't wait until you were completely involved or really knew your feelings.
Again, I'm sorry you are hurt and sad. {{{HUGS}}}
Claudia

Chalk it up to experience, kiddo. It is better for him to realize he's not ready for a serious kind of relationship at this point. He's young, and the enxt three or four years are going to make a huge difference in his life and maturity level.

Take a deep breath, and make yourself wait a number of days before you text him again. The last thing you want to do right now is appear needy. You may be able to retain some of the friendship, but in a limited form, so you need to decide if you want to make that effort for a relationship that isn;t what you are looking for right now.

You have been given some valuable advice. I too, am sorry that this has happened and you are hurt. You may never get the explanation that you want. It would be best if you could stay active - get together with other friends - stay involved in YOUR LIFE and not his.

I think I know what happened...

Some work places don't permit fraternizing among employees, even if they are at the same level. Your boss may have said something to him ...

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Originally Posted by beeniesmom

I think I know what happened...

Some work places don't permit fraternizing among employees, even if they are at the same level. Your boss may have said something to him ...

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Agreed.

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Originally Posted by beeniesmom

I think I know what happened...

Some work places don't permit fraternizing among employees, even if they are at the same level. Your boss may have said something to him ...

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That's definitely not what happened...we weren't the only couple going out that work there....one of my friends said that maybe that it really was too soon for him to date anyone and he didn't realize it till later...she said everyone matures faster at certain things than others and she said he just wasn't ready...I dunno really...that's just what she said...

It feels so awkward when I see him at work now.. What's worse is that he won't even talk to me. I haven't tried talkin to him either, but I'm not the one who wanted to quit going out, so it makes it hard for me to know if it's alright to talk and say hi to him or if I should just wait and let him say somethin first. I haven't talked to him since that night we texted each other. I just feel like I need another bf cause I can't get him off my mind and I cry when ever I think about him...I dunno it's just hard right now....my brother says that I'll be over him in a week...I just wish I already was :(

I'm really sorry about what happened. Maybe he will come around. Maybe he got scared since this is his first real relationship.

I would just steer clear of him. Even if he "comes around" I'd be worried he'd break your heart again. Some men are just that way. Go on with you life and don't waste another moment or bit of energy on him. You can't do anything to change the past. You can only control the present. I hope you feel better soon :love:
Claudia

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Originally Posted by beeniesmom

I'm really sorry about what happened. Maybe he will come around. Maybe he got scared since this is his first real relationship.

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That's the only thing I can come up with. Maybe he really is scared to be with anybody... He said he had never had a gf and never kissed anyone before... I dunno... I just think about him a lot, ya know? especially at night...cause we use to stay up all night texting each other after he'd get off work at 9:30 and 10:30 :(

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Originally Posted by beeniesmom

I'm really sorry about what happened. Maybe he will come around. Maybe he got scared since this is his first real relationship.

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And you know, why didn't he tell me this stuff sooner...like on our first or second date? He waited too long...it's like he let me get to where I cared about him and then he decides to let me know he's not ready... It's sooooo complicated :(

I don't claim to understand men and I am 49,was married for 17 years to the love of my life when he left me for an old college girlfriend.

I agree with the others comments. I would move on. I hate to say this but it sounds to me like he is interested in someone else or why would he feel awkward about talking to you or looking at you. He is feeling guilty about something. Also, I find it hard to believe at 18 that you were his first girlfriend ever.

At least you are young. I am old and trying to meet someone. It is a lot harder at my age.

Hang in there.

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Originally Posted by happylabs

I don't claim to understand men and I am 49,was married for 17 years to the love of my life when he left me for an old college girlfriend.

I agree with the others comments. I would move on. I hate to say this but it sounds to me like he is interested in someone else or why would he feel awkward about talking to you or looking at you. He is feeling guilty about something. Also, I find it hard to believe at 18 that you were his first girlfriend ever.

At least you are young. I am old and trying to meet someone. It is a lot harder at my age.

Hang in there.

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I don't know :( :( :( I really think I was his first gf, as weird as that may sound for me to say I believe him. He says he's only been friends w/ girls and from the way he was when ever we were together I think he was telling the truth about that. He never knew for anything for us to do. He always let me choose what we could do when we were out. I think it's cause he didn't really know cause he had never done stuff like that before.
You might be right about him liking someone else. I hope not even though I don't see us ever getting back together... but I just hope that's not why he ended our relationship. It doesn't seem like he had enough time to be with anybody else when we were dating cause we were always together unless one of us was working. We didn't get to stay out 'late' cause of my mom's strict rules but every night he was off we would go out and every day I was off we would go out then too. Who knows?? I wanna text him and talk to him...but I don't wanna sound needy and I'm kinda afraid since he seems to be avoiding me at work that he might ignore my texts and I really really don't want him to ignore me cause right now if I texted him and he didn't text me back it would hurt all over again... :(

Welcome to the wonderful world of relationships. Men are very strange creatures. He shouldn't have been saying he loved you. Those are some words you don't mess around with. I honestly don't know what was going through his mind. Just chalk it up as experience and move on. I hate to tell you this but there's more ahead. Just part of life. Be careful not to get too close too quickly. Maybe you spent too much time together?

I don't know if it was cause we spent too much time together, I don't think so really...my mom said she thinks it's cause I never told him that I loved him. I dunno about that either tho...I mean he did say it quite alot, but I don't think that's why...you know just cause I never said it...who knows?? :(
But today at work is was weird being around him...he is so rude to me now...not rude really...just ignores me and acts like we're strangers...my friend and I were talkin and he comes in and tells her hi and doesn't say anything to me :rolleyes: We haven't 'talked' since the night he texted me all that crap... You think he thinks that I'm mad at him? I'm hurt but not mad...I can get over it...I don't want to never talk to him again..I'd rather be friends than nothin at all, ya know? Should I say hi to him next time we see each other at work??

Honey as they say, with friends like that, who needs enemies!:rolleyes: You have friends. Good, decent, deserving friends that would never treat you like that. At best, his behaviour was disrespectful. At worse, downright cruel. Who needs THAT? I say ignore him and move on. Don't waste another breath or thought on him. ;)
Claudia

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Originally Posted by kitten645

Honey as they say, with friends like that, who needs enemies!:rolleyes: You have friends. Good, decent, deserving friends that would never treat you like that. At best, his behaviour was disrespectful. At worse, downright cruel. Who needs THAT? I say ignore him and move on. Don't waste another breath or thought on him. ;)
Claudia

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Ditto. He's acting really immature. Saying hi to someone standing next to you and then ignoring you??? RUDE. Not worth your time, emotions or trouble. You are worth much more than what he can/would/should have given you.

Yea, I guess it was rude... You know what else he did that really pisses me off and hurts my feelings?? Twice while we were going out we ran into this guy that he graduated with at the Shell Station, and each time he talked to him about 15-20 min...and the guy always talked to me and stuff... Jordan told me to just ignore the guy that he liked me and that's why he kept talkin to me...anyways that only happened twice...
But a few nights ago I got a text that said 'is this genny' and I didn't know the number so I texted back askin who this was and he replied and said it was that guy you and Jordan saw at the Shell those times...and I was like how did you get my number and he said that he and Jordan ran into each other again and he told him about us breakin up and so the guy asks Jordan if he can have my number cause he thinks I'm cute and Jordan just gave it to him... It's like he thinks he can just go give it away to whomever...I don't even know this guy..and he keeps textin me..I think he wants to go out w/ me and I don't wanna go out w/ him...but it pissed me off that Jordan just gave him my number ...kinda like here it is... you can have it.. you know? And then it hurts my feelings cause it's like he doesn't even care if some other guy goes out w/ me..I dunno it's so hard to explain and so confusing.. Normally when you and a guy split up you don't see them much after..I see Jordan almost every day at work and it doesn't make things easy... :rolleyes:

I think you should say hi to him at work. You be the bigger person. I'm saying say hello, not engage in a conversation with him, but just hello. He is young and probably doesn't even know how to act around a girl he just broke up with (if you were really his first gf). There's no harm in just saying hi as you walk past him at work. But you definitely do not want to show him you are sad. Be as happy as a clam and move on, as everyone else said.
That was very wrong of him to give your number to someone without your permission. You might mention to him not to give it out to anyone else, please. If you feel comfortable enough to do that. If not, just forget about it.
As you and others said, you are young. You've got many years ahead of you. I didn't meet my "Mr Right" until I was 30. Don't stress about it, just go with the flow and enjoy life. :)

some men :rolleyes:.. and I say some as there are, maybe very well hidden, a few that are decent...

3yrs younger and first gf.. to me sounds way too immature and he freaked.. yeah he was way rude too.. I know you must be hurt as we are more into relationships than guys but don´t let him get you this way.. just not worth it.. as Tazzoe said.. hello him and move on as nothing happened... one good thing is you dated a short while.. IMO it would be worse after spending years and then getting involved trust and deeper love...

I´m a few months older than hubby and boy sometimes I feel he needs to grow up..lol...women are much wiser in that aspect...

i love you words shouldn´t be said to anyone at anytime.. only when heartfelt.. otherwise they lose the meaning..

I once had a bf that suddenly was acting strange and hanging with some girl and her group of friends, he stopped waiting for me after school when he always did... well.. female intuition kicked.. I got brave and asked him "are you going out with her?". and without doubt or remorse he said yes.. I took my dignity and walked away... he never got a hi from me ever again.. not worth even my friendship...I moved on to better things

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Originally Posted by Husky_mom

3yrs younger and first gf.. to me sounds way too immature and he freaked..

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That's pretty much what I think now that I've thought about it for awhile...I think he honestly got scared and nervous and like someone else said he didn't know how to 'break up or end a relationship' since he had never been in one so that's why he's acted like he has.
I tell you what tho...I am gonna say 'hi' just 'hi' to him next time we see each other and we're not that busy...just to let him know I'm not mad... I don't wanna look like a b***h and all. I'm just gonna be nice and say hello and leave it at that. If he wants to ever talk or be friends fine--me sayin hi should let him know right there that I'm cool, I'm fine and not mad so if he ever wants to talk as friends we can.
Oh well, tomorrow is a new day...I'll talk to ya'll tomorrow about everything :)

And hey, just wanted to tell you guys thank you for writing me back about all this and listening to me... it's been great to have you guys to listen to me :)

I dunno why, but I just kinda feel like I should let you guys know how things have been going w/ me and Jordan.
Well-we are completely broke up-that's for sure. I haven't talked to him AT ALL since the night we broke up. The only time we have talked is when we had to at work-like for work if I needed to ask him somethin--that's all.
I feel baby-ish in a way by not talkin, but then it's like so hard to actually do it, ya know? He's been right there soooo many times and I could have said hi or whatever, but I can't make myself do it. Like I am completely over him now-I don't cry or anything about him anymore-like for over a week after the break-up I cried like everyday--I know it's pitiful but I just missed being w/ him. I got so use to seeing him everyday and going places and then it's like it's over and so that's why I cried I guess, but anyways I am over him now. Whew-that feels good to say...I don't think I've actually told myself that until just now. I don't know why but it still hurts when I see him at work and he walks right by me and won't say anything at all.
And guess what? This girl at work (we use to be good friends) I guess we're still friends but she ticks me off sometimes cause she flirts w/ Jordan all the time at work. I know we're not goin out but it's like--I dunno--ya'll know what I mean-weird watchin your ex-bf talkin to another girl right in front of you :( but I guess it's somethin I'll have to deal with. I dunno...anyways I'm over him now and also just wanted to thank you guys for being there for me when we broke up...your words mean alot ;)

I am glad you are feeling better about things, kiddo. All part of growing up, I guess. Sending you a hug!

Dear Genny,

No.1 When guys say the fricking sentence so early in the relationship: I love you!.........RUN!!!!!!!! Means only they have no idea what love is!!!

No.2 I wouldn't go out with someone working in the same place I work for the reason you have to see him every day if it is over! Even if you do keep on going out, after sometime, he'll start geting jelous or make you feel jelous. It just doesn't work!

No. 3 Now you do understand that he was lying to you when saying that he loved you.....so why on earth should you speak to him in the first place?!!

No. 4 Just take the attitude as if he is not there or transparent/invisible, you will see then he'll try to make himself noticeble!

No. 5 Past experiences are there to teach us. Learn from it and move on. Don't show him he's hurting you because he will not stop doing these silly things. If he spoke to a friend of yours in your presence and just ignored you, that is what he wants from you....Ignore him!!!!

Take care and may you find the address for happiness very soon

Karen x x