Why do i feel the need to compare myself to others??

[JenBKR]

I hate the fact that I'm always comparing myself to other people...for example I have a few good friends who have nicer houses and more money than my husband and I - and I always compare myself to them and feel low. Then I have other friends whose houses aren't as nice as ours and don't make as much money, and I feel better. What the heck is wrong with me?! Sorry, just feeling a little low today

[lv4dogs]

I do the same thing. (hence the reason why I am not posting a picture of my yard). lol Actually MY yard is decent, not the best but not the worst by far, it's my neighbors yards that are yucky. I could blab on & on but I'll stop here.

HUGS

[catnapper]

I used to think about that too; then I met someone who has all the money in the world and is miserable. She actually became a best friend and I feel so terrible for her. She has two homes, takes fantastic vacations, has all the new clothes she'd ever want, shops at the best stores, eats dinner out whenever she wants, all the fancy electronic gadgets she could dream of, an awesome car, wears a Cartier diamond engagement ring that could be seen from space... and she's utterly miserable. I've learned that what you see on the outside is not what life is like behind closed doors. Your poorest friend might be the happiest of them all... or she could be miserable too.

Things don't count. Emotional happiness does. The saying "money doesn't buy happiness" is probably the most accurate statement ever spoken.

I do hope you learn to see past what your friends have and see what they don't: are they happy in the marriage, jobs, life. Is the car and house all they have or is there substance behind the "things"?

[Jessika]

Sadly I think its just human nature to compare stuff! I used to do this too but then I stop and look at my life and the things I have and I tell myself, "well so what? I may not have a lot of money or nice cars or a big house, but I have something a lot of peopl don't and that is self-respect and self-esteem!" If you're happy with yourself then its easier to not look at the negatives like this.

I know this probably doesn't help you at all but its helped me sometimes. Just make a list of ALL the good things in your life! As long as you are happy and appreciate what you have, you won't feel the need to compare yourself to others as much anymore!

[JenBKR]

Some of it is a little more than things, but not usually. The worst of it is, I really don't want to be someone who values things - I think emotional happiness and spirituality are so much more important. I guess I just have to convince myself of that. I was thinking about hosting a tastefully simple party, then changed my mind because I don't want all those people over until I get new carpet in the entry. Why do I care so much?? I have no idea.

[JenBKR]

I know this probably doesn't help you at all but its helped me sometimes. Just make a list of ALL the good things in your life! As long as you are happy and appreciate what you have, you won't feel the need to compare yourself to others as much anymore!

Actually, I think that's a great idea, thank you! I'll probably do that tonight.

[carole]

Hey I understand where you are coming from on this, and I do believe it is human nature to compare and feel low when we think we have it rough in comparison, it really does depend on your state of mind at the time, I also revel in what i call self pity at times when I feel low, but when my spirits are high, i really think about it hard and feel blessed to have so much, I too do not have much material wise especially for my age, gosh my niece who is only 22 has more material wise than I probably ever will, sure I feel envious at times and I hate it when I have those feelings, but in all honesty I do, and I often feel if only I had money, i could do so much good in the world, not to mention i feel i could be happier, but as Catnapper said it can appear on the outside to everyone you have everything, but inside there is nothing but a deep big black hole.

Don't be hard on yourself for having these thoughts, I think in all fairness we all do from time to time, just as long as you can keep it all in perspective and realise from time to time just how good we really have it, I think about the poor victims of the hurricanes in USA, the Tsunami, earthquake in Pakistan, and just the poverty stricken world in general and I feel extremely RICH. and FORTUNATE, don't you?

[JenBKR]

[QUOTE=carole Don't be hard on yourself for having these thoughts, I think in all fairness we all do from time to time, just as long as you can keep it all in perspective and realise from time to time just how good we really have it, I think about the poor victims of the hurricanes in USA, the Tsunami, earthquake in Pakistan, and just the poverty stricken world in general and I feel extremely RICH. and FORTUNATE, don't you?[/QUOTE]


Absolutely! I think I need to do some volunteer work in a soup kitchen or something like that, to see how good I really do have it!

[Cataholic]

Well, I think the short answer is that you are insecure.
I don't mean that meanly, but, when you figure out why you are insecure, things can then be addressed!

I don't think the person's carpet would even be on my radar if I was invited to a party! I might care if the food was cold, the host/hostess mean, or the place smokey, but, the flooring? LOL...nah.

Now, while insecurity is all about you, make sure you don't accidently surround yourself with people that subscribe to the theory, "I can't feel good about myself unless someone else is feeling bad"!

Material things are nice...I want a bigger house, a bigger car, more money, nicer clothes, etc. But, that surely doesn't stop me from being happy now.

[carole]

Now there is a good thought.

[JenBKR]

[QUOTE=Cataholic]Well, I think the short answer is that you are insecure.
I don't mean that meanly, but, when you figure out why you are insecure, things can then be addressed! QUOTE]

Oh, I know I am insecure! I always have been. And I worry too much about what other people think about me, which drives me crazy. Actually, I have been getting a lot better about all of this lately, then all of a sudden for the past few days the feeling resurfaced. Ugh!

[lv4dogs]

Someone posted an awesome poen or the like a while ago. I have it saved on my home computer which is broken right now. I also printed it & framed it on my fridge. It reminds me just how well off I am.
I'll see if I can find it.
Something like when your feeling down or something.

[lv4dogs]

I found it! The font got messed up in the post for some reason but it is still readable.

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthre...hlight=feeling

“If you have food in the fridge, clothes on your back, a roof on your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in your bank, in your purse/wallet, and spare in a dish somewhere, you are among the top 8% of this worlds wealthy. If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world. If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in this world who cannot read at all. Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight, just remember the homeless family who don’t have a bed to lie on. Should you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair; there are people living in this world whom driving is an unheard privelage. Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for the last three months. Should you despair over a relationship gone wrong, think of the person who has never known what its like to love and to be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for £10.00 to feed her family. Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a grey hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemotherapy who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss asking “what is my purpose?” Be thankful: there are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity. “

[Rachel]

This is one of my favorite poems and addresses the subject well.



Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

[Anita Cholaine]

Very nice poem!

I'm always comparing myself to others. And the worst, is that sometimes I feel the need to be the best on everything.

Oh, I know I am insecure! I always have been. And I worry too much about what other people think about me, which drives me crazy.

The same happens to me... It was much worse some years ago, now I think I improved a lot... I'm starting to stop worring about what others think about me, I really learnt to just be myself, and I feel much better now..