Recipe

**RICHARD** · 05-10-2004, 12:24 PM

Human bread

Take 15 lbs. of white, unrefined cat.

You can use any color of cat, but white cat works
best in this recipe.

Take one human, preferably in a deep sleep and place him in bed.

Take the cat and have him jump on the foot of the bed, walking up the human's body until they are nose to nose.

The human should wake up before the cat's whiskers actually touch his face, if not have the cat step on sensitive body parts. When the human wakes up and makes eye contact with the cat, the kneading should begin.

The human should be kneaded until he is wide awake, turns over and finally gives up trying to sleep.
About 15 minutes.

Once the human is fully awake and unable to go back to sleep, he should be covered with a lightweight bedspread and left in a cool, dark space.

The human should be left alone for about 4 hours until he rises at 7:30, tired, restless and crabby.

This recipe yields a sub par human, with slow reflexes, yawning, red eyes and the desire to go to sleep at his desk......

ENJOY!!

**emily_the_spoiled** · 05-10-2004, 12:29 PM

I have also discovered that particular recipe works well with types of orange cats, only it produces a sub par human female

**trayi52** · 05-10-2004, 12:42 PM

What a recipe, Richard!! I just don't think I want to try that though. I am not very good with recipes, especially that kind!!!

That is so funny, Richard!! Sounds like Eddie has been trying out the recipe on you!!

Willie

**Barbara** · 05-10-2004, 12:47 PM

First: the recipe works with Abyssinian cats very well. Even better at full moon.

If purrson is very sleepy, please repeat every 2 hrs.

**AmberLee** · 05-10-2004, 12:55 PM

Hee, hee, hee. Isn't it remarkable what good 'cooks' are cats are?

A sleepy AmberLee!
*yawn, yawn*

**lizzielou742** · 05-10-2004, 01:51 PM

OMG my Tito must have that recipe b/c that's EXACTLY what he has been doing to me - the past two nights in a row, especially!!! barbara, you are lucky if your cat only tries it with you every two hours. Mine tried this last night (I'm not exaggerating) every fifteen minutes for two hours!!! From 4:30 to 6:30! And if I kick him out of the room, he scratches up the carpet under the door and meows at the top of his lungs!!

If it was Tito doing this recipe, I'd add:

If human kicks cat out of bed, cat must trot out of room, chin held high in disgust, only to return again ten minutes later to repeat entire procedure. If necessary, human must be bothered every ten minutes for up to four hours until either mealtime or playtime begins. Cat must ignore all human's signs of irritation and must remain cute and cuddly during entire recipe.

**Laura's Babies** · 05-10-2004, 02:09 PM

I love it! I have got to send that to everybody I know that has a c-a-t! Giz is great at preparing this recipe too!

**catlover4ever** · 05-10-2004, 02:23 PM

Richard, how did you know that that was my morning this morning!!!! Abner is the master chef of human bread making!!!

**nibblets** · 05-10-2004, 02:25 PM

The recipe used in our house is with a brown tabby. It is the quick version.
Wait until about 30 min before the alarm is set to go off.
Proceed to make bounding leaps onto the bed and the human, while loudly making 'Jetson' car sounds.
You may either step on sensitive body parts or stand in one spot putting all body weight on one paw so as to inflict deep penitrating owwwwwws!
Once the human gives up and rises out of the bed, go in the kitchen eat a few morsals of food and find a nice spot to curl up and snooze in.
It is just as effective as the longer recipe.
For an added touch getting the dog to start barking is quite a bonus.

**kimlovescats** · 05-10-2004, 03:06 PM

Oh YES, I have several GOURMET Bread Bakers in my home!!!

**RedHedd** · 05-10-2004, 03:43 PM

Here too ... I have the giant-sized 15 lb. orange variety. Walking on tender body parts at 4:30 a.m. is an integral part of the recipe in my house; even better if the hooman's bladder is full

The smaller rounder bread maker excels at shoulder perching and purring (VERY LOUDLY) in her hooman's ear.