How to intervene when its unwanted?

[catnapper]

We have a sticky situation on our hands. Someone in the family is dangerously close to alcoholism (if not already there) and in complete denial about it. They do not think there's a problem, "I don't do NOT have a problem!" (mmm-hmmm.... nobody's ever said that before )

Open the fridge: you get a whole 'nother story. You see several alcohol options, several 6 packs, etc. This person drops everything as fast and as often as they can so they can go to the bar. They are always broke because they spent their paycheck on booze. They are always tired because they spent their weekend partying til 3AM or later (and they so "wisely" post photos online to proove it) Yet, they have no drinking problem.

My son is visiting from Florida and was supposed to stay with this family member for the week because his girlfriend is seriously allergic to cats. He lasted two whole days before he couldn't take the chaos of that house. His girlfriend is fine here, thanks to Claritin and my sample bottle of nasal spray the Allergist gave me. I also happen to have a very clean house despite having 8 cats (she promises me she wouldn't know we had that many cats if not for them climbing all over here ) ANYWAY, even this sweet newcomer to our family (who hopefully someday will become my daughter-in-law) says there's a HUGE problem in my family member's house.

Cameron tells me stories of what this family member is like. A 6 year old is aware of issues? Wow. My kids are basically washing their hands of this family member due to the drama and trouble this person brings to them. I can't say I blame them because I have.... a long, long time ago. Hubby even tells this person that they are going down a very steep hill too fast and needs to correct their course of action. Still.... this person denies denies denies.

I can NOT step in and say anything to this person. We do NOT get along. Hubby is the only one in the family who is currently speaking to this person, and its tense as it is.

Is there anything that can be done? Or does this person have to figure it out themself? Even though I don't like this person, I never want to see someone self destruct. I have compassion and would like to help from the sidelines (because thats the only place I can work from with this person)

Any recovering alcoholics out there who been there done that? Anybody with recovering family members? What clicked for you?

[pomtzu]

If this person is in denial, nothing you can say or do will change the situation. You might be able to lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink! There's really no sense in you stressing over something that you have no control over. It appears that this person will have to crash and burn, and then maybe he/she will take matters into his/her own hands, but then again, maybe not.

[Catty1]

Check out Al-Anon meetings. They are for friends and relatives of someone with a drinking problem. There you can hear how others handle the same situations.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

[moosmom]

Kim,

Take it from someone whose been in recovery for over 18 years...until your family member hits rock bottom, there's not a lot you can do.

I tried to get my Dad, who was also a serious alcoholic, to quit. After my stepmonster passed away, he gave up his will to live. I threatened, consulted a lawyer, offered to take him to AA meeting, even quit my job to help him through it. The arguments got ugly and I just quit trying. He lived and died by the bottle.

I'm afraid you are in between a rock and a hard place, I'm sorry to say.

You have my number. Call me anytime.

and hugs,

Donna

[Freedom]

As already stated, there is nothing you or anyone can do -- except that person. Until the person sees an issue, nothing is going to change.

Family and friends will find it difficult to watch. They will also feel at times, a need to step in an "help" by preventing an eviction, for example. Don't do it. If the person has to land on the streets before realizing (and some do while others don't go quite that far) then so be it. Again, not something you want to watch, but you have no control in this situation.

[moosmom]

WORD, Freedom!!!