Need some worldly advice

[Alysser]

Okay so, to make a long story short, I met this guy at work over the past month. I anticipated him being much much younger then he is. I thought he was between 22-25 years old. Let this be clear, I NEVER wanted anything more then a friendship with this guy. He is very nice and personable. He's a little awkward, but we have similar interests in movies and the like so we became fast friends. The problem with this is I think he likes me. He isn't really creepy, he doesn't text me all the time or IM me on FB or anything but he wants to hang out with me. We were at a Bar the other night celebrating the end of Fright Fest and it was 1 am and I was tired as hell and wasn't really thinking when I said "yeah of course we could hang". I mean I have older friends from work but this guy seems to want to hang out alone and I'm definitely NOT comfortable with that, not even in a public place. I calculated (since his birthday isn't on FB) that he must be at least 31. That's 2 years younger then my brother!

I just don't really know what to do. I don't really want to hang out with him alone, if we were in a group I could see it, but other than that...any advice? I'm really lost on this one. My mom told me she didn't like the idea either. We have one mutual friend, I messaged the guy to ask him his opinion of him.

[sparks19]

The best thing to do (and often the most difficult) is to be honest with him.

[beeniesmom]

I'd get the message across right away. Next time you see him, just state the fact that you are happy to have made a new friend and that you are not looking for anything more with anyone right now.

[Karen]

Yup, be honest with him. Tell him you like being friends with him just fine, but are not interested in anything more than that, for many reasons. If pressed for the reasons, you can add "busy with school and work," "busy with pets," "just not looking for a relationship right now," and whatever else you think of, and leave his age out of it. Some people are odd about the age thing.

[Marigold2]

Perhaps he just needs a friend. Be honest and tell him you just want to be friends but I think it is mean to just shut out someone because they are different.

[carole]

yep honesty is the best policy in this case.

[Medusa]

Be honest, direct and kind so that he doesn't feel totally rejected but he gets the message. And don't put it off. He needs to know now. Good luck. Let us know how it works out.

[Asiel]

I would go with the honesty bit - you can't go wrong by being honest and letting him understand you prefer to have others along when you see him. If he takes it the wrong way then you'll know he wasn't for you... very simple

[sana]

Sorry to hear you got into a mess like that. Well, like all the others said, be honest, but, be sweet and kind. Like Medusa said, kind, so that he doesn't feel totally rejected but he gets the message. Good Luck Hoping everything goes well!

[Alysser]

Thank you guys! He hasn't texted me since the first time and I just hope it stays that way. I do not plan on being mean, but I'm also not one for confrontation. What exactly do I say? "Sorry, you're too old to hang out with me?", I mean to me that sounds a little nasty and weird. I am not a mean person, and don't have the heart to just ignore the guy or be mean.

[Karen]

No, you just say, "Thanks, but I'm not looking to hang out one on one right now. Too much going on!"

[finn's mom]

I would just tell him that you're not interested in hanging out one on one with him. I personally don't think you owe him an explanation of any kind. Just tell him that, in case that what he's interested in, you want to be up front and let him know that it's not in the cards.

Especially if you work with him, I'd be careful saying that you're too busy, or not on the market . . . because if he ever sees you dating someone (maybe even a fellow employee at some point), that could lead to an uncomfortable work environment.