My cat hates my husband :(

**isobel** · 09-22-2011, 10:46 AM

I've had my cat Izzy for 10 years. When I first started dating my (now) husband, she was fine around him. But at some point something happened in his presence that scared her (we're not sure what - maybe a thunderstorm), and she has been terrified of him ever since. This was a couple of years ago, and in the interim we were in a long-distance relationship so the issue only came up when he came to visit me. This summer we got married and he and his male cat moved in with me. It has become apparent that no matter what my husband does to try to appease her, Izzy just won't accept him. She hisses and growls at him, and hides under the bed when he's at home (she also poops under the bed, I think because she's afraid to come out and use the litter box). We also moved into a new place a few weeks ago, so she is understandably going through a big adjustment period.

I decided to set her up in a spare bedroom so she could have her own space and feel safe away from my husband and the other cat, but rather than getting better things appear to be getting worse. She sits under a chair and won't come out even when I come in to see her. I feel like I'm neglecting her, and am also concerned she is getting depressed -- she hasn't stopped eating but seems to have gotten thinner, and isn't at all the happy and friendly kitty she used to be (on a side note, she had her annual checkup this summer and had a clean bill of health, so I'm pretty sure her problems are psychological rather than physical). I tried a Feliway diffuser for a couple of weeks when my husband first moved in, and it didn't seem to make a difference although I'm going to try again for a while longer and see if it helps. I'm wondering if she would be a candidate for anti-depressants, or if I should just try to be patient and give her more time to adjust. I'm really discouraged because she just seems so unwilling/unable to relax around my husband. I'm afraid this situation will never get better, and I miss the kitty that I used to have such a close relationship with. I hate seeing her so miserable.

Has anyone had a similar problem, and if so were you able to solve it?

**Karen** · 09-22-2011, 08:48 PM

Can you have him spend some quiet time, just sitting in that room every night for a half hour, reading, or using the computer or something, so she gets used to his presence again? It may just take time. He should try being the person who feeds her for the time being as well.

**isobel** · 09-23-2011, 09:29 AM

We have talked about him feeding her on a more consistent basis, but I hadn't thought about having him just sit quietly with her. It's hard to convince my husband to do these things as he doesn't really like having to change his own behavior for an animal, and he's to the point where he generally just doesn't want to be around her because of her reaction to him. But I'll see if he'd be willing to try your suggestion. Thanks!

**happylabs** · 09-23-2011, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by isobel

We have talked about him feeding her on a more consistent basis, but I hadn't thought about having him just sit quietly with her. It's hard to convince my husband to do these things as he doesn't really like having to change his own behavior for an animal, and he's to the point where he generally just doesn't want to be around her because of her reaction to him. But I'll see if he'd be willing to try your suggestion. Thanks!

I'd get rid of the husband and keep the cat. LOL! Just kidding...

Sounds like she can sense he isn't all that fond of her.

**lizbud** · 09-23-2011, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by isobel

It's hard to convince my husband to do these things as he doesn't really like having to change his own behavior for an animal,

Look at it from Izzy's point of view. Two strangers (man & cat) come
into "her" house and she is banished to a room alone. The man makes no
effort to befriend her & possibly even shows his dislike for her by his daily
attitude towards her. (animals pick up on human fellings very easily) If I
were Izzy, I'd be ready to pack my bags. Her house is not her own anymore.

**isobel** · 09-23-2011, 10:45 AM

Well, that's not entirely accurate. He has spent the last two years trying to be nice to her, but if he gets anywhere near her hackles go up and sometimes her reaction is borderline violent. She will sometimes let him pet her, but even after him doing this repeatedly (two years, but on an inconsistent basis because we didn't live together) she hasn't let her guard down at all. So understandably on his part, he's a little fed up with the whole situation, and it would be more fair to say that he can sense she isn't too fond of him. He never did anything to purposely upset her, and has made an effort to show her he's her friend, but she simply refuses to "forgive" him.

I do feel guilty about "banishing" her to a room, but if I let her out she makes a beeline for the bedroom, hides under the bed indefinitely, and poops there which is really difficult to clean up. Either that or she hides in her litter box and gets filthy. So, this seems like the best compromise for now, although it isn't ideal.

**happylabs** · 09-23-2011, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by isobel

Well, that's not entirely accurate. He has spent the last two years trying to be nice to her, but if he gets anywhere near her hackles go up and sometimes her reaction is borderline violent. She will sometimes let him pet her, but even after him doing this repeatedly (two years, but on an inconsistent basis because we didn't live together) she hasn't let her guard down at all. So understandably on his part, he's a little fed up with the whole situation, and it would be more fair to say that he can sense she isn't too fond of him. He never did anything to purposely upset her, and has made an effort to show her he's her friend, but she simply refuses to "forgive" him.

I do feel guilty about "banishing" her to a room, but if I let her out she makes a beeline for the bedroom, hides under the bed indefinitely, and poops there which is really difficult to clean up. Either that or she hides in her litter box and gets filthy. So, this seems like the best compromise for now, although it isn't ideal.

There is a show on Animal Planet called "My Cat from Hell". The host, Jackson Galaxy, is a miracle worker with cats. I am wondering if you can contact him somehow. I saw the show where he took a completely feral cat and turned it into a loving sweetheart of a cat. Here is the link to his page:

http://animal.discovery.com/the-spot...from-hell.html