What happened to....

[Cookiebaker]

good old fashioned respect? I know I was raised in a conservative family with old fashioned morals, but sometimes I just don't understand.

I have a friend who sent me an email where she was describing an incident with her mother-inlaw. I know their relationship is rocky (at best), but she described "grabbing the phone and cursing her out" all because she (MIL) asked her to send out a few Christmas cards to some family/neighborhood friends.

to me, that is over-the-top, and just so disrespectful and outrageous....how has it become acceptable to treat your elder, your husband's mother, that way? I'm feeling kind of blown away by this email and have no idea how to respond.

And it got me thinking how, so many times I see this happen in one aspect or another (not to this extent maybe) over and over again, and it really bothers me. Am I a weirdo for thinking/feeling this way? Thoughts????

[Pinot's Mom]

At first glance, my response would be that it is never appropriate to take the action you described. There are lots of details missing, and there could be some exaggeration in the description (there is a lot of that when people are typing emails as opposed to speaking in person) of the incident, but there does seem to be a complete lack of respect. You're not off base there.

It has really become an epidemic (lack of respect), unfortunately.

[RICHARD]

And it got me thinking how, so many times I see this happen in one aspect or another (not to this extent maybe) over and over again, and it really bothers me. Am I a weirdo for thinking/feeling this way? Thoughts????

No, you are not.

Common courtesy is slowly disappearing, Why?

Because we have allowed the up and coming generations to 'be vocal' and 'not to take any crap from people'.

We also 'allow' people to let their feelings out and basically become crybabies that ruin things for the rest of us.

-----------

I have noticed a trend that make me angry and shake my head in wonder.

I call it 'being street'.

If people get angry at each other, there is one that will start to shout or scream to get their 'point' across, they do it to drown out the other person and cow them into backing off.

I have a sib that does that all the time. You approach him with a question or request and immediately you are greeted with cursing, yelling and acting like a moron.

I have seen it happen in public, too. You may accidentally bump a person's shopping cart and apologize, but you get dirty looks and comments, even tho you try to 'make things right'.


It's all part of a changing landscape as far as manners go.

We have to allow for the disgruntled part of the population who do not play well with others, along with the people who have a low tolerance for other people's foibles.

Now, one person's comment or actions, against what used to be the 'norm' in society, makes people scramble in order to take care of that one sad soul that cannot and will not be content unless they complain or make a scene regarding something they do not like.

As sad as it may sound? Nothing will change that attitude and disrespect for other people.

[sparks19]

yikes. I would NEVER even dream of behaving that way to or in front of my MIL.

There is a woman on another board I am on who is in her 70's and is very old fashioned so her opinions are rarely popular with the younger crowd but some of the responses I have seen them give her are just appalling. Makes me so angry. You don't have to agree but she is their elder and you just don't talk to your elders that way. I mean down right awful...telling ber to shut up and being called an idiot or a moron and such. If I ever caught Hannah talking to an elder like that I would tan her hide...that is unacceptable.

but that's also like people who walk around in public talking as loudly possible and every other word is an F bomb. I HATE that. have some respect for the people around you...and for yourself

[Catlady711]

I blame it all on 'situational ethics' and people not agreeing with a single idea of ONE 'right/wrong' for everyone. (meaning arguing about 'what's right for you isn't right for me' crap)

When people (children especially) are taught to question elders/authority figures,
allowed to mouth off/hit/bite/kick people in charge (including their own parents),
all kids are picked for the team,
all kids are given an award regardless of perfomance,
all kids are allowed to play regardless of how well they do it,
put all the blame on others,
let the tv or computer do the baby sitting instead of taking time to spend with the child,
letting the teacher at school try to teach the child everything, rather than take the time to teach morals, ethics, respect, and social niceties,
little Johnny or Jenny can do no wrong,
and not allowed to suffer the consequences of their own actions (meaning the parents always intervene on behalf of the child denying their child was at fault);

then this is the kind of generation you get.

You reap what you sow.

[Medusa]

Respect, courtesy and manners have always been a biggie w/me. I was raised to call my elders Mr. or Mrs. and to this day, I still call them that even though they've said "Mary, you may call me by my first name now". LOL To cuss out my MIL, no, I would never have dreamed of doing that and my late MIL and I had many a disagreement but that's life. I would be so hurt and disappointed if my son spoke to any of his elders in that manner. No, you're not off base; you're right on the money. Civility is rapidly becoming a thing of the past. It seems as though people are more intent on "giving it to someone" and "telling them off" than they are w/making their point in a calm, rational, respectful manner whether to their elders or anyone else.

[cassiesmom]

Two examples. On Saturday my mom (who's 75, but don't tell her I told you) and I (43) went Christmas shopping. We stopped for a quick lunch at a chain restaurant near the shopping center. The server greeted us by saying, "Hi, I'm (name), can I get you guys something to drink?" I have two comments: a) neither of us are guys, last I checked we were both female; and b) is there a less-informal way of asking that question? If I'm with friends, that's a totally appropriate question; but I think my mom is entitled to a slightly more formal version of the question, just on the basis of her age. (Those of you who've waited tables, go ahead and flame me for that.)

So we get to the mall and decide to take a shortcut through Abercrombie and Fitch, which has one entrance off the parking lot and another from the shopping center walkway, to get to the store we're headed for. We're greeted by a young woman who said (kid you not): "Hi, how's it goin'?" I thought I heard it wrong, but on our way back through the store to the car, the same thing happened. I was floored. Whatever happened to good afternoon, or even a simple hello?

[Alysser]

Being a member of "the younger crowd" here, I was taught to respect, and I will admit I have been out of line more times then I can count and have regretted it. I've also learned from it. People of all ages should be respected equally. We've all crossed the line no matter what age, I know that. We also all make mistakes. But respect and half-decent manners are important. If I am around someone I can't stand, which I am in school on a daily basis, I simply ignore them. I don't say anything rude to them or associate with them at all unless I am forced to. I've clashed with 1 person this year, and I did regret it, but I just cannot stand her. It taught me to steer clear of her in the future.

Now for all those who say "respect your elders", I do respect mine, but if and ONLY if they give me the same type of respect or even some decency back. If it's a one time thing, then I let it pass, I'm a pretty chill person. If I get it constantly I try to avoid them, and if I am unable to do that, it's time to retaliate. Sure, it's not the best way to go, but if I've given you multiple chances and YOU still cannot respect me then grow up, really. It's the same with everyone else, people younger or the same age as me as well. I try my best to respect everyone, and sometimes I overreact - much to my dislike, sometimes I get pissy for no reason and sometimes I'm just not in the mood but I honestly make my best efforts. If an elder is showing NO respect to me at all, they shouldn't expect any respect from me - especially if I've done nothing wrong and if I was respectful in the first place. If a person's going out of their way to be rude to me, I will admit I retaliate back, doesn't matter any age.

Respect shouldn't be a thing of age, it should be a thing we practice toward every SINGLE person no matter how old or young. If you can't do that, then don't expect any decency back on my end.

[Medusa]

Two examples. On Saturday my mom (who's 75, but don't tell her I told you) and I (43) went Christmas shopping. We stopped for a quick lunch at a chain restaurant near the shopping center. The server greeted us by saying, "Hi, I'm (name), can I get you guys something to drink?" I have two comments: a) neither of us are guys, last I checked we were both female; and b) is there a less-informal way of asking that question? If I'm with friends, that's a totally appropriate question; but I think my mom is entitled to a slightly more formal version of the question, just on the basis of her age. (Those of you who've waited tables, go ahead and flame me for that.)

So we get to the mall and decide to take a shortcut through Abercrombie and Fitch, which has one entrance off the parking lot and another from the shopping center walkway, to get to the store we're headed for. We're greeted by a young woman who said (kid you not): "Hi, how's it goin'?" I thought I heard it wrong, but on our way back through the store to the car, the same thing happened. I was floored. Whatever happened to good afternoon, or even a simple hello?

The "you guys" thing always bugged me, too. When I was managing the band from S. Africa, they thought it was the thing to say when addressing audiences in America. "Hey, how you guys doin'?!" Aaargh! I repeatedly told them to stop it and finally I threatened to cut their mic if they did it again. Honestly though, I can't say that I see it as disrespect so much as being overly casual and familiar. That doesn't mean I like it, though.

[Lilith Cherry]

"A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot..."
— Robert A. Heinlein

I think this is sadly true... I brought my sons up to respect others and be polite and hope I am polite to everyone as far as possible. However it saddened me when I saw my sons being disrespected or even cursed at when doing something like holding a door open for a "lady"

EVERYONE young or old deserves to be treated politely!

[Medusa]

"A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot..."
— Robert A. Heinlein

I think this is sadly true... I brought my sons up to respect others and be polite and hope I am polite to everyone as far as possible. However it saddened me when I saw my sons being disrespected or even cursed at when doing something like holding a door open for a "lady"

EVERYONE young or old deserves to be treated politely!

Did I read that right? Your sons were cursed at for being courteous by holding a door for someone? Good grief!

[Lilith Cherry]

Yes Medusa, sad to say they were; so much for hard-faced wrong thinking "womens libbers"!! I am glad to say though that they are still polite gentlemen of whom I am very proud

[smokey the elder]

Thanks for the Heinlein quote. I was trying to remember it; he also (I think) called manners the lubricant that smooths civilization or something like that. He was quite the wise old curmudgeon.

There is hope; my niece is bringing up her kids with good manners, and I make it a point to complement her and reinforce the kids when I see them. To this day I have trouble calling my doctoral advisor by her given name; I wouldn't do it until she kept teasing me!

[sparks19]

Yeah I'm also one that just couldn't call my friends parents by their first names even if they asked me too. Except my best friend in highschool LOL I ended up starting to call her mom ... MOM 2. lol we spent so much time at each others house it was like we were sharing parents. And even still now her mom refers to herself as my other mom haha.

So now with Hannah since it seems to becoming more and more that people want to be called by their first names instead of mr or mrs (I dont' know why but some people get ticked when you call them mrs X or Mr Y and insist that Mrs X is their mother and not them lol) So for those who don't want to be called by their last names we refer to t hem as Miss Tina or Mr Joe. That way we are respecting their want to be called by their first name but still using the formal Miss and Mr

[carole]

I think everyone should be treated with respect, not just the elderly, but yes i do agree common courtesy has really disappeared a lot in our society,when i visited the USA over 30yrs ago, i could not get over how lovely the shop assistants were, hi how are you? have a nice day when you left etc, we were sure lacking that down under, now of course it is the normal, and to be honest you kind of get tired of being asked it every shop you go into ,but still it is nicer than no response what so ever.

Not all is lost in the younger generation though, i came home yesterday, with my hands full, approaching the gate, my daughter's 17 yr old boyfriend was sitting on the verandah with her, he got up and opened the gate for me, now that was nice.,mind you he is a very nice young man, with manners, does not swear and obviously has had a great upbringing ,he is a credit to his mother for sure.

I Guess it is still out there we just have to look for it a bit harder lol.