If your child was gay..

[NoahsMommy]

I'd absolutely want to know. Its a HUGE part of a person's life and its very important to them...thus, its important to me.

Hugs,
Kelly

[manda_moo87]

I would want to know, for sure.

[kimlovescats]

Laura, I am very sorry that you feel there is a distance between you and your mother. I have a strong feeling that she either already knows or highly suspects it. Moms have a way of "knowing without knowing".

I have to agree that keeping secrets will only eat you up inside, plus there will always be the constant strain of not letting it show ... or slipping up and saying something that would give it away .... you know what I mean? However, I would definitely NOT wait until she comes for her visit to tell her ... that would put her in a very uncomfortable situation. Why don't you either call her, or write her ... sometime before your planned visit?

As a parent of two daughters myself, there are many things that I have discovered about my oldest .... her pregnancy of course, was a "biggie" ... that while they may not have been what I would have wished for her, I still love her and stood by her side.
One of the hardest things for a parent to do, is to let loose of trying to protect our children. We have to let them go when they are of age ... and watch them choose their own paths ... the key I am learning, is to place them in God's hands. Pray for them, continue to LOVE them and turn them loose!

Laura, I pray for you and your family, that you all can work through this and come out closer in the end. Even if Mom freaks out for a while ... I do believe in time she will grow to accept you for who you are, and even if she doesn't accept things, she will always love you.

(((HUGS)))
Kim

[wolflady]

Wow, everyone has given some really good advice here.
I also would want to know, because I would hope that I'd have a close relationship with my kids (if I ever have any) and I would want them to tell me everything.
I've always believed that love in unconditional with families, so no matter what your lifestyle is, what your beliefs are...a family will always accept you no matter what.

**hugs**

[Cataholic]

I would want to know. As a 'parent' (which is still so weird to me!), I somehow think I would know if Jonah was gay....I would just know somehow.

[Uabassoon]

Thanks for all the comments I've recived so far.

For the longest time I figured I'd just never tell her because i never saw it being much of an issue. I moved out of the state when I was 18 and I only ever see her twice a year. So I just figured it wasn't worth it.

But now that I'm getting older I'm starting to realize, what's going to happen if we decide to have a commitment ceremony? buy a house? raise a family? That is a lot to hide from my family, and I'm realizing that it's just too much to hide. I guess I never really thought about these things before.

Don't worry Kim if I decide to tell her soon it will be before the trip, as I want to give her time to settle things out in her mind. I know it tooks me a long time to be comfortable with myself and finally accept that I was gay. I know it's going to take my mother some time as well.

Thanks to all your comments it looks like I'm just going to bite the bullet and tell her. I think a letter would be best that way she at least knows and when she is ready she can choose to talk to me about it.

I'll be seeing her in two weeks, we are all going to D.C. to visit my sister. I think I'll send her a letter after the trip as I won't want to make the vacation (and my sisters graduation) uncomfortable. Plus it will be mothers day weekend and I wouldn't want to ruin that day for her.

As most of you stated I do think that my mom does know. But I also think that she convinces herself that she doesn't. Kind of like as long as I haven't said anything there is still hope she could be wrong. However I do think that she has an idea.

[carole]

I think writing her a letter is an excellent idea, it will give her time and help it all to sink in, I wish you the best of luck and hope all goes well, remember she loves you unconditonally, and I am sure given time she will accept everything just fine.

[Mad Mags Moo]

I voted yes. I do not have kids or plan to have kids (just the way it is!) I think one thing between all families is that there is unconditional love and that is the great thing about being part of a loving family. My mum is great and my nephew was undecided in his sexuality (he was only 16 at the time) and my mum was brilliant...he could speak to her so openly and mum would say as long as you are happy then i am happy. She loves us as we are quirks and all! Mum's do know without knowing...think that is just a mum thing!
I agree with what has been said and i wish you all the best for now and the future.

Luv and hugs
Mags xxxx

[cloverfdx]

I think writing her a letter is an excellent idea, it will give her time and help it all to sink in, I wish you the best of luck and hope all goes well, remember she loves you unconditonally, and I am sure given time she will accept everything just fine.

What Carole said .

{{Hugs}}

[Suki Wingy]

I think it would be torturre for them as a child to have to keep that in secret. Yes.

[kuhio98]

Like others have said, she probably already knows. She's just been waiting for you to feel confident enough to tell her. A letter is a great idea.

My brother and my stepson are gay. When my brother finally came out (in his 30's) he practically had a nervous breakdown. He did a very dramatic presentation full of tears, etc. My mother's response? "Yes dear, we've always known. We just weren't sure you knew."

[stacwase]

I voted "yes". I'd want to know. I would probably know, or suspect, already.

BUT - I don't think I'd appreciate being suddenly confronted with the discussion, when I wasn't ready. I'd feel "on the spot" to discuss it immediately if my daughter just suddenly, out of the blue, said "I'm gay."

I'd like it better if she just hinted around a little bit, here and there, until the time came when we were both in the mood to discuss it. Then I could say "Yes, I know," and we could talk about it in a relaxed and leisurely manner. No pressure.

Like - my daughter has very slowly and comfortably let me know that she is sleeping with her boyfriend. Of course I strongly suspected it already. Since we eased slowly into the topic I never felt the need to express approval or disapproval, just acceptance and support. I would have felt awkward if she'd just said "Hey - Dan and I are having sex."

[Uabassoon]

BUT - I don't think I'd appreciate being suddenly confronted with the discussion, when I wasn't ready. I'd feel "on the spot" to discuss it immediately if my daughter just suddenly, out of the blue, said "I'm gay."

I think that's why I've decided on a letter. That way when she feels ready to talk about it she can. Since I don't see her very often it would be hard to drop hints. I only see my mother twice a year, I'm also not really sure how to "hint" at it without just saying it.

[stacwase]

Yeah - I think the letter will give her time to consider what to say etc. etc. Hopefully she'll have the letter for at least a few days before she talks to you about it.

So often, when I'm put on the spot about something, I just blurt something out which I later wish I had phrased differently. This will give your mom plenty of time to consider how she'll phrase things so you understand her feelings, and to come up with any questions she might have for you, etc.

I hope she'll be accepting of your new SO. How have her parents treated you?

It is so difficult to be in a relationship that many people are not accepting of. For example, I have always gone for older men. My soon-to-be-ex husband is 13 years older than me, and my boyfriend is 18 years older than me. To complicate things even more, the three of us our friends (yes - just friends but try to convince people of that!)

We get the wierd looks and insensitive comments all the time. Fortunately, my parents are supportive and understanding.

I hope your mom will be supportive. You're being sensitive to her feelings, and I think she'll be sensitive to yours.

Keep us updated!

[nibblets]

Yes I would want to know. I would hate to think my son would feel he had to hide who he is from me.