If your child was gay..

[Uabassoon]

would you want to know?

I'm not asking if you would or wouldn't love your child or if you would wish for them to change or anything like that. The question is simple. If your child was gay would you want them to tell you or keep it a secret?

Sorry to bring this here, I just wasn't sure where else to ask. I can't ask most of my friends seeing as how most of them are gay as well so they would give me a biased opinion.

This is the situation, I've been "out" since I was around 16. Some of my family members know, all my friends and coworkers. But I still haven't told my parents. I know that my dad knows, because he's commented on it (not in a negative way, just letting me know that he knows) but we've never actually talked about it. I've never said a word to my mom and I have no clue if she knows. I've never said anything because I guess I wanted to protect her. I think she's an amazing mother and I am blessed to have a mother as caring as wonderful as she is. I worry she will think it's her fault instead of just realizing this is who I am.

I love my mother so much, but it hurts me that I have such a distant relationship with her because I hide so much of my life. I'm jealous of my sister who talks to my mom daily about her boyfriends and parties and all the things that she does. I want that relationship with my mother as well. I want her to know me, I feel like she doesn't know me at all and it's my fault.

I'm 23 and I've been in a wonderful relationship for over a year now, and things are starting to get serious. In September my parents will be visiting me and more then anything I would like for them to meet her, even if we just go to dinner one night.

So if I were your child would you want to know, or would you rather I just keep it secret.

[CagneyDog]

I would want to know because I don't want my child keeping that kind of information from me but it's not a big deal and I would make sure she knew that.

[PJ's Mom]

Tell her. No matter what happens, it will be a huge burden lifted from your shoulders not having to hide things from her anymore.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

[lizbud]

You might be surprised at what your Mom already knows.
Could you talk to your Dad & see if Mom would be ready to talk
with you about your concerns. What I'm thinking is what if she
already knows but is hesitant to bring it up with you?

As for me, yes I would want to know if it helped my children by
bringing us closer.

[Soapets]

I voted yes, because I would want my child to feel my unconditional love for him. It would be sad to not have an open, honest relationship with my child, and thus not be able to be a true part of his adult life.

[KYS]

If I was a parent I would want to know everything
about my child have my child feel they could always
come to me.

But that is me, and I can not answer for anybody
else.
Good luck in what ever you decide.

[IRescue452]

I'd want my child to trust me enough to tell me. I'm completely accepting of it of course. My older sister had a hard time telling my mom because she is not accepting of her kids not being "perfect". My mom doesn't want her to tell anybody else because she thinks my sister is going to change her mind somehow.

[dukedogsmom]

I voted yes also. I have no kids but if I did, I would want them to feel secure enough to tell me. But, I'm open minded and wouldn't be a straight laced parent. I guess it depends on the parents as to whether I would advise you to tell them or not. Maybe telling them will bring you closer to your mom.

[Corinna]

I would want to know. It isn't ever good for kids and parents to keep any kind of secrets.

[QueenScoopalot]

I'm sure your mom already has her suspicions anyway. Maybe write her a letter to let her in on your secret that shouldn't be hidden from her, unless you feel it would ruin your relationship. She sounds like the type of mom (just guessing here) that will maybe feel a bit upset that she didn't know sooner, but will probably be happy you confided in her. Does your sister know? I don't have kids, but voted yes, as I think it's something that parents of gays and lesbians should know, even if some can't accept it. I think it would be a burden off your shoulders as well.

[robinh]

I voted yes. For me, I think Soapets said it best "...because I would want my child to feel my unconditional love for him. It would be sad to not have an open, honest relationship with my child, and thus not be able to be a true part of his adult life."

I also think you'd probably be surprised at what your mom knows. Sometimes, we know more than you think. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

[slick]

I'm not gay, nor have I ever been a parent, but I can certainly speak from a child's point of view. Thinking about my parents and growing up, I'd be very hesitant to tell them anything.

On the other hand, would I want to live a secret life? NO! I think I would probably just sit down with them and explain everything....well not EVERYTHING (if you know what I mean..LOL).

I'm thinking that if you just calmly tell them how you feel about Alexa and this is a relationship that makes you very happy, they will understand. Laura, your Mom loves you very much and you have to respect her enough to tell her. I'm sure she would be devastated to hear it "on the street" or from someone else in the family. Have enough faith in her to know that she will get past this. Love holds no boundaries. You are her child and she should accept you as you are.

Once it's out in the open, I know that you will feel much better.

{{{hugs}}} and good luck.

[Desert Arabian]

Yes, I would want my child to let me know what their sexual preference was. My best friend of 5 years recently came out and told me he was gay (I had suspected it for quite some time, honestly), and I am so happy he did. I remember before he told me I always talked to him about dating girls, what he looked for in a girl, etc- stuff like that- well gee, looking back now those topics weren't fitting for him- deep inside I probably made him feel so awkward (and I feel bad about that, if I did). Him coming out to me doesn't change my view towards him one bit, I could care less if he is gay and I mean that in a good way obviously, I am very supportive of his "choice".

[cali]

I personaly would not care one way or the other, my brother is Bi and my parents dont know, my dad is just confused lol he has no clue if my brother is gay or not, but while I know that he is Bi that does not mean he would want my dad to know as he tends to over react lol

[wolfsoul]

I would want to know. I would hate feeling left out of an important part of my child's life.

I would be the kind of mother whose child would find it very easy to 'come out' to. I hope if I ever have children that they would feel comfortable enough to discuss their love life, or atleast their sexual preference, to me. It would be awkward talking about them dating the oppisite sex when the whole time they've been attracted to their own sex LOL. I would feel so dumb.