How Do You Handle This?

[dukedogsmom]

Yeah, I see where you're coming from now. Thanks for helping me but it kind of depresses me because you have a very good point.

[Cataholic]

I think what Columbine is emphasizing is the 'control' factor. You cannot control what another does to you. BUT, it gives you some feeling of control by acting like you can- by holding on, by not letting go, by berating yourself for someone else's actions, even by harboring the pain.

I am not suggesting any of this is really intentional, but, a script running subconsiously through your mind.

The only one you can control is you. So, control you in such a way that you are protected from pain as much as is possible. I don't subscribe to the theory of limiting human contact so as to spare myself pain. No way, WAY too much good times out there for that. BUT, I am about a 2 or 3 times "get outta my life" type of person.

And, I wonder if there weren't some signs that, had you been more critically thinking of it, that might have given you a clue or two as to this type of behaviour? I mention that ONLY as a way to further insulate yourself from hurtful people in the future.

[columbine]

I think what Columbine is emphasizing is the 'control' factor. You cannot control what another does to you. BUT, it gives you some feeling of control by acting like you can- by holding on, by not letting go, by berating yourself for someone else's actions, even by harboring the pain.

I am not suggesting any of this is really intentional, but, a script running subconsiously through your mind.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant! It's just an inherently human thing, I think. We've got these huge brains, and we're used to being able to use them to PLAN AHEAD. But sometimes you just can't, and beating yourself up over other people's nastiness is counterproductive.

Love, Columbine

[Cataholic]

Yes, that's exactly what I meant! It's just an inherently human thing, I think. We've got these huge brains, and we're used to being able to use them to PLAN AHEAD. But sometimes you just can't, and beating yourself up over other people's nastiness is counterproductive.

Love, Columbine

<whew>. I so hate to interpret what someone else says....lest I miss the mark.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Write down what this friend did to you then burn it - this may help you let go and move on. There are some truly great people out there as well as those who will let you down. Just remember - you are you and you are great!