Which last name?

[Cataholic]

Having experienced first hand this situation, give the baby your last name. There are some other 'suggestions' that I would give you, too, from a legal perspective, but, will save those for a pm, if you so want to know.

[caseysmom]

Ashley, I am glad he wants to be in the baby's life, you have a good support system with Dad and Kim but your Baby will only benefit from a fathers love. I didn't mean to sound harsh toward him, you must have strong feeling for him, you have created life together. He is a young man and as most young men probably has some growing up to do and most likely will be a great Dad, I wish you all the best.

[AbbyMom]

The baby could have the father's last name if:
He marries the mother
He steps up to the plate
He financially supports the baby
He emotionally supports them

Why are there all these conditions? Does the mother have conditions? Does she have to pass some sort of test for the honor of giving the child her last name? Is not using his last name supposed to be some sort of punishment? If so, why should he be punished? What is he being punished for? Does the mother deserve punishment?

The reality is that he is the biological father. A child needs all the family it can get.

These are good questions. After reading through the posts, I'm guessing that these conditions are merely ways to help decide a difficult question that has no clear answer. When she does decide, I hope she can honestly say she's choosing what's best for the child, not making a statement or a public judgement.

I think maybe some people believe that using the father's name is an honor that he hasn't quite earned yet, not a punishment for what he has or has not done.

Yes, he is the bio father and the child needs all the family it can get. But, IMO, I don't believe that this name decision will increase or decrease family. Family relationships come from love/responsibility...not naming conventions. JMO.




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[Karen]

I never meant that not using his last name is a punishment. I just have seen so many people in her situation, or who have been in her situation and are dealing with the aftermaths later.

It is the sad but honest truth that very few people I know who were couples at her age are still together. This includes couple with and without children. People change so much in the next few years of their life, from 18-25 at least, with college, dealing with jobs, being away from your parents, making that break and figuring out who you are and who you want to be as a person that couple after couple either seemed to "grow apart" or break apart leaving one at least wounded.

I do not wish that on you, Ashley, I do wish you all the best, and stand by my original reasons.

And, by the way, I have one married friend whose two children have her last name, which she kept when she got married. Their Daddy's name is their middle name. The children were born after the pair were married, it is just a decision that couple came to, as the Mom felt strongly about her less-common last name than the Dad did about his pretty common one.

[Suki Wingy]

My oppinion is that she use her own last name for the baby. BUT, it is up to her to decide what's best in the long run.

Is not using his last name supposed to be some sort of punishment? If so, why should he be punished? What is he being punished for? Does the mother deserve punishment?

No, silly! Punishment? I know this doesn't directly apply but... My dad and stepmom are seriously going to alternamte last names. They have one child with my dad's (and my) last name, and if they have another, the child will have my step-mom's last name. In my family (both sides) the women don't usually change their "maiden" names and they give their children the father's last name and their last name as a middle name. For example, my sisters and I all have the same middle name (my mom's last name) and our father's last name.

[shais_mom]

I have a couple of friends who have been in Ashley's boat and they have given their child (both boys) their last name. In each case they came from a family with 3 girls so no one was going to carry on their dad's bloodline, so they chose their last name. And they - who have no relationship with the dad of the child either- stand behind their decision and have no regrets.
One of my friends is the only adopted daughter of her parents - they had 2 biological daughters after they adopted her when they were told they couldn't get pregnant I think that is the best gift of all to give her child HER last name in a case like that.
That said I understand that Ashley's situation is different b/c she has brothers.

[moosmom]

Ashley on the other hand says he gets insulted and feels left out of all the baby stuff. She says he wants to be a part of it and got very hurt on Sunday at the shower when everyone was oohhhing and aahhhing over her and the baby, and basically ignored him.

He sounds VERY immature to me. Does he not understand that it's not about HIM, it's about the baby??? What's gonna happen when the baby is born? Is he going to get jealous because not enough attention is being paid to him??? He sounds like a real piece of work.

When the baby is born, is his name going on the birth certificate?? At the risk of sounding crude, "daddy" was simply a sperm donor, nothing more. I say give the baby HER last name with his last name in the middle. Maybe that'll be more of a compromise. Or, if it's a weird last name, just give the baby the first initial of his last name as her middle name. Kinda covers all the bases.

That's a toughie.

[Craftlady]

Mom's name.
Unless legal papers have been made stating his intentions to support financially, he has no right in my mind to have this child bear his last name. Also, my advise seek legal advise making sure there is no surprises once this child is born.

[jenluckenbach]

The more I read and the more I think about it the MORE I go with my first instinct. HER last name.

I may not have any real info, legal or otherwise, but my gut tells me that is the proper thing to do.

Then when she DOES marry, who ever becomes her husband can decide to become the adoptive father and give the baby his last name (if that is the choice at the time).

[Rachel]

My 2cents worth: Give the baby her name as they are not married. If they don't ever get married it will be easier for school, etc. if the child has the same last name as the mother. BUT, if they do get married change the babies last name to that of the husband/father, just like Ashley would likely change her name and use his.

This is my thinking as well.

[Edwina's Secretary]

At the risk of sounding crude, "daddy" was simply a sperm donor, nothing more.

But...doesn't that make momma a sperm receiver....nothing more????

Poor guy....poor momma, poor child....

[Lobodeb]

I voted for the mom's name. If daddy really wants to be involved in his child's life, then he can adopt him/her at a later time.

[Sevaede]

I voted for the mothers last name. My biological parents weren't married, heck, they never even last through the pregnancy, and I received her maiden name. That's not why I voted for her name though. I voted fem because I believe that there should be more reasons behind the name chosen, I see nothing wrong with giving the baby her name, and I don't think he/she should have the fathers name solely because "that's the way it's always been.".

In any case, good luck and vibes to Ash and ze baby!

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

KJulie, Ash's choices for boy names and Cameron and Connor! Since you have the same taste, what girl names can you offer?

LOL Kim - I actually thought that when I read the post where you said you liked Connor as a boys name - I LOVE it!

Although I love my darling daughter's name - Calista Shannon - it was not my first choice - rather it was the only name on both MY list and Warren's list which we both loved.

My choices were:

Keira Jade
and
Raewyn Jade

(BOTH of which sound awesome with your surname IMHO )

I also LOVE Caitlyn but:
- it is becoming a bit "over used" and
- I already have a step-daughter called Caitlynn, so it was not an option!

[carole]

I also love the name caitlynn, but spelt katelynn, I agree with the majority here, give the baby Ashley's surname.