I finally stood up to her.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Originally posted by JenBKR
This is your mother's problem, but she's projecting it onto you.

Coming from a similar situation and going to counseling after I moved out (yea, it can really mess the kid up) I was told basically that same thing but in a slightly different way. I sought counseling with my pastor and he told me:

This is my problem. Not because of something I did but rather something that was inflicted upon me by my mother. It is a problem that I have to deal with. ~I though of it like a car accident that wasn't my fault. My car is now wrecked and that is a big problem. Although I wasn't the one to cause the accident I am the one that has the problem of being without a car.
Does that make sense?

[catland]

Here's a great definition of the word "insanity". When you keep doing the same thing and expect a different result.

Please come to terms with the fact that your Mom will not give you rides. Its too bad and it is ultimately her loss, because she is missing out on an invaluable opportunity to spend time with you. Don't dwell anymore on how she should be a better mom, because it isn't going to happen.

Once you've accepted that fact, then you, your brother and your Dad can come up with transportation plans.

Are there other friends/neighbors/relatives that can give you or your brother rides? I'm thinking of people who are going to the same event anyway, so giving you a ride wouldn't be a big deal. You could even "earn" the ride by offering to wash their car or do another chore. See? It doesn't have to be hard.


I'm so sorry - at 14 you should have other things going on in your life other than this crazy situation. But once you stop expecting things from her, she can't hurt you anymore. Look at the good things in your life - including all of your PT friends.

[carole]

Good Girl Megan for standing your ground and not letting your mother walk all over you, of course it is going to be hard and you are naturally upset, as it is the first time, just believe me it will get easier and easier to do eventually and you will feel a sense of peace in doing so.

Again you should not have to endure this, but I think you will be a better person in the long run for it, however one can be that without all this aggro in their young life, when you become a mother oneday , I think you will find you will be an exceptional mother because of the lack of responsibility and parenting skills your own mother has , even now I bet you vouch never to be like that.

Take heart in knowing that it will not be that long before you can move away and have your own life, choosing whether to make her part of it or not, In the meantime, it is hard to bear I know and understand that completely, but you are doing so well sweetie, keep at it, and let her know she is NOT going to treat you this way anymore.

Do try and make other arrangements if you possibly can, so that you do not need to rely on her help, easier said than done at your age, but if your Dad or friends can help, don't hesitate to ask, or is it possible to get yourself a pushbike and bike to and from work? are there any buses nearby or public transport available, or are the hours odd and none available to you at this time?

GIANT HUGS to you, and know in your heart you are doing the right thing.

I think oneday your mother is going to get a rude awakening, and realise just what a precious daughter she has missed out on, which is really sad but inevitable I think.

Take care of yourself and remember to keep coming here and talk with your friends, as they are more than happy to help, offer some advice and a kind word or two. LOVE YA.

[Uabassoon]

Sorry you have to deal with this. Is there any way you can live with your dad? He sounds like a nice guy.

[Laura's Babies]

I am APPALLED that someone would use that kind of language with their child.... in front of a child or where a child could even overhear it! You are her CHILD! I don't care if you are 16 or 60!! You are her CHILD! You don't talk to your children like that, not in MY world anyway....

Sweetie, just remember, someday you mother will be OLD and she will need YOU to take her to the doctors and places when she is old and sick. She will need YOU to look after HER then. Someday the roles will reverse.... I would HOP on reminding her of that and the rold model she is setting for you NOW could effect how YOU respond to HER needs when she needs YOU! That day will come, I promise!

[barncat]

as a high school teacher I have learned that there are lots of parents who never grew up. It is really hard on you, their kids. Take good care of you and keep networking for the support you need... As I bet you can tell from the responses, you are cared about (your mom may care, just not have a clue as how to show it appropriately).

I hope the rest of the day/night goes better....

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

So far so good. I hate myself though.

I can't believe I cried. We were in the basement when we fought and she told me to go upstairs and I started to cry and walked away. I gave her the satisfaction of seeing ME CRY.

Great.

[Karen]

Yes, but kiddo, this can be the last time she gets that satisfaction.

Because you are a better person than she, and can and will survive all this. Do NOT feel badly about crying. Sometimes you've just gotta cry. We all know that.

And if she has any heart at all, I bet she cried after you left the room.

Be strong, in a few years you'll be out of there.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I've gotten lots of positive feedback... thanks everyone. Things are still a little tense, and I'm up to standing up to her again if thigns get wild.

[K9karen]

Ditto. How hideous that your mother uses that language to you! You're NOT one of her "friends". That;s how she interacts with you? I hope you rise above that and don't use the same language to add fuel to the fire. That's so awful to treat you like that. Can you live with your dad? I agree, he sounds like a sweet, sweet man. If I can ask, how old ar you? I forgot. Your mom has major issues, and they're NOT yours! She's the adult. Pick a state, because it seems like we're all anxious to rescue you. The weather isn't bad here. You're more than welcomed.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm 16.

My dad is a sweet man. The sweetest person I know, and I love him more than life. I do plan on staying with him as long as I can, but I come here sometimes because my mom is the only one with internet. I need to see you guys and talk to you. I wouldn't be here without you guys, either.

[carole]

Way to go Megan, you are doing just fine, the fact you cried shows what a kind loving girl you are, and that you indeed have feelings and are able to show them, obviously you take after your Dad, like the other's have said he sounds a very nice man.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Brave girl for standing up to that selfish woman who doesn't deserve the title of Mother....... this nightmare will end for you one day - I promise. There will come a time when you will have no reason to contact her unless you want to - only then will she realise what she has missed out on. In the meantime, be as strong as you can and do not blame yourself for any of her actions xx big UK hugs

[katienoonan]

Does anyone wanna pitch in for internet at her dads?!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Originally posted by katienoonan
Does anyone wanna pitch in for internet at her dads?!

Would be happy to help - if her Dad wouldn't mind