What did I do to deserve this?

[carole]

Thank you for opening up and being so honest with us, it is a very personal issue that you have explained to us, but it certainly puts things in a very different light.

I am extremely disturbed to hear you have such low self esteem that you would want to end your young life,I can only imagine how frightened your parents are after this happening, as a parent I would be beside myself with worry, I know when I am very worried I sometimes come over as being angry too, so please try to see this from their perspective.

They simply love you to bits sweetie, and are so scared they may loose you, they probably don't know how to be with you, they seem to be making some mistakes, but they are obviously worried and concerned about you, even if they reacted wrongly by hitting you, and i cannot condone that part of their behaviour at all whether it be once in a while or not.

Have you as a family try some counselling, because it sure sounds as though you all need some help here.

please never ever consider that option again, everybody's life is worthwhile, you are on this earth for a purpose sweetie, please make the best of what you have, life has so much to offer, you just have to reach out and grab it.

[Lexi_Lover]

Thank you Carole!

I know that what I did was wrong and that it can hurt everybody. I don't want to do it again, and I never will, but it seemed like the only option at the time.

I think that what you said, may be why things have changed between us! I just needed a solution.

I was on counselling and all my sessions are over, and I DON'T wanna go back! I hated it there, kinda scary too! I wake up and see Lexi's face and know that nothing can jurt me, shes the reason that I keep on living for everything I have! And I'm grateful! Having her gives me something to do, its the care that I put into her to make her my girl!

I go to her when I'm sad or upset, when I need a friend right there and to hold on tight! And I'm sure she respects me for that! I don't know how a thread about somethign so disturbing just turned into something so happy and perfect, but now, I realize just how much everythign in life means to me!

Thank you, to everybody, who helped me in this! I know it seems short and taht nothing ever happened, but me thinking of that, will keep me strong! And when I need help or advice, I'll come back and look at what I wrote!

[carole]

Way to go lexi-Lover, good on you, it is sometimes hard to see the brighter side of life, but i am so happy that you have such a will to carry on with what life has to offer, so much ahead of you, I envey your youth, and admire your committment and courage to take whatever life deals you.

It does explain the way things have changed, believe me your parents will be hurting too ya know, they will be blaming themselves, and hurt can come across as anger when we don't quite know how to say it.

Love and hugs to you, and keep your spirit up and love that wee pet of yours as much as you can, she is one good reason to get up everyday isn't she?and believe me there are a thousand more.

[Lexi_Lover]

Carole, you are amazing at advice and thigns to keep people rearing towards the way life is supposed to take you! And I envey that of you!

Now, I know I told you all something that shocks you, maybe even make you worry, but I want nobody to treat me differently on here, thats the last thing I want right now! Got it? It took SO much for me to write that, and I don't really want it to be taken as a joke either, because already people have asked if its true, and what I did! Please, just respect what I said!

[NoahsMommy]

Honey, I agree with Kim. I think you should have a talk with your parents. If you aren't afraid of them...I would really have a heart-to-heart talk.

They are your parents and they love you. They'll just want to help you, I'm sure.

Hope things get better.

Hugs,
Kelly

[Lexi_Lover]

I can not just go up to my parents and talk, I am not the one to do that. I know that is what would be good, but I just want everything to settle on its own! I talked to them briefly before I went to bed, because if I said something wrong then at least they would not yell at me because everybody else was sleeping. They did not say anything about why they are, and I know that they never will say the real reason why.

Thank you though for the advice.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

You poor kid - I really feel for you and wish I could help. Is there no one you could confide in and maybe stay with for a while? You have done nothing to deserve this treatment - your parents should be ashamed of themselves

[Lexi_Lover]

Please don't say that about my parents. They really are good people, I love them no matter what they do. I know it doesn't sound right or natural but I still do, they have done so much for me, and look what I have become, a grade A student, a good owner, sensitive and striving to help others. I know that things are rough over here, but they will lighten up, and I know that. I don't want to go somewhere else, and our family ties with so many of our relatives, so even if things were to get very rough and I left, for sure they would call my parents and they would be over here before they could even yell "Paula COME HOME!"

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I am sorry if I offended you - certainly wasn't my intention. As a mum I couldn't imagine treating my daughter this way. However, it is your home and your family so I hope that you will be able to resolve this and that you will all be happy again soon - in the meantime you have another "family" here to talk to whenever you need us

[Lexi_Lover]

No, its ok.

Well, of course, me being me, went to the grocery store with my mom. She asks me what I want for supper, so, I thought, 'Hey, shes giving me the option here. so why not?' Of course, I say the first thing in front of me, "Chicken?" Then in front of the whole grocery store she yells, "Aren't you big enough? Calm down with what you *swear word* eat!" I tried to stand up, but now, shes yelling at me even more. No more slapping, but if it just so happens that I somehow tick her off even more, then I will get hurt and I know it. I'm just going to keep my distance and do what she asks for now. My dad wasn't there, but he has been leaving me alone, but totally ignoring me! What do I do now? Leaving is NOT an option, neither is reporting them.

I don't want to go to the same conclusion I did the last time. Its way too painful and it will cause more.

[luvofallhorses]

Paula,

I am sorry you're going through this This is not your fault okay? I know you said you don't want to go to counseling, but they'll help you and things are confidential between you and the counselor unless they feel like they have to report something(like something like this) just try to stay away from your parents when they get angry, go to your room or something, go walk Lexi or visit with Skye. (((((((many hugs))))))))) You know I am here for you.

[carole]

Oh Lexi_Lover I am so distressed to hear those words come out of your mother's mouth, she probably is concerned for you, but that is the wrong way to go about it, besides there is nothing wrong with chicken as a meal, it is how it is cooked that really matters.

I am lost for words regarding advice, I think perhaps your own parents self esteem is rather low and they also did not have praise showered upon them, they react in the only way they know how, sad but history does repeat itself, unless they can see it for themselves and make a concentrated effort to try and change.

Please always come here to talk to someone, we always have a listening ear and shoulder to cry on,remember you are not ALONE, although it may seem that way, we all care very much about you, and only want you to feel the happiness you so deserve.

HUGS sweetie .

[catnapper]

Originally posted by Lexi_Lover
I can not just go up to my parents and talk, I am not the one to do that.

Oh sweetie... we all do things in life that is not usual for us, or feels awkward, strange. But we do it because we HAVE to. In this instance, I think you really HAVE to talk to your parents no matter how much it feels like the odd thing. Everyting in life there was a first time. Please talk to your parents.

[Oggyflute]

Sorry to hear of this Paula. The only bit of advice I might offer is to perhaps see a church minister. Now I know this isn't for everyone, but my experience with this, stems from my brother-in-law who is a minister of the Uniting Church. He is an absolute genius to talk to, as quite often you know the answer, but he just helps you to reach the conclusion. I know that my bother-in-law has helped family's in a similar situation to yours, so it could be worth looking in to. It all boils down to finding someone you can trust totally, and who will help yopu resolve the situation with your parents. I agree with Carole, in that they do love you, but have been really scared. Unfortunately this could be the reason why the behaviour has manifested into the anger they have shown. My closest sister tried to take her life, quite a few years ago now, but it took me a long time to be able to trust her again. The self doubt that awashes you in that situation is enormous, and I admit I was very angry with my sister. But things worked out, she got on with her life, and our bond is as strong as ever.

[IRescue452]

I'm sorry because this is going to offend you. You love your parents and are willing to put up with everything they dish out even though it hurts you physically and emotionally. Your parents need professional help. It sounds as if they are lashing out irrashionally as if they are on drugs. You are trying your hardest to act as if nothing is wrong and protect your parents. I'm wondering if there is some sort of support group in your area you can go to that will help you get your parents the help they need. You don't deserve this type of treatment. Running away is notgoing to help because professionals and police will side with your parents and think you are just some bad kid. You need to go about this in a respectable way that shows them that you aren't a bad kid running away and causing trouble.