What have I done to deserve all this crap?

[Kirsten]

Yes, sometimes I really think I must have been a very bad person in my last life, why else do I have to deal with all these obstacles in my life? Many of you know that I'm dealing with various health issues, and that I'm not longer able to work, and that all this led to poverty and social isolation. I'm always alone, I can no longer go out and meet people since I'm feeling too ill, and most of my friends live far away, anyway.

With the beginning of September, I'm officially on disability pension. Over the last 21 months, since I lost my job, I went through many troubles with the health insurance, the unemployment office, and the welfare office. I won't go into details here, because otherwise, I would have to type for hours, but I can honestly say that none of these troubles were of my own making, sometimes it was due to a lack of communication within these autorities, or a wrong information I got, but all these battles took a lot of energy from my already burned out mind.

And it goes on and on and on. The latest crap: The police rang at my door this morning, telling me that somebody reported me. A woman had called them and told them that I have damaged another car in the parking area of a supermarket last week. I admitted that I've been there some day last week, but I didn't notice that my car has touched another one (and I'm sure one would hear it if that happened, right?). Even though they fond a tiny scratch on my car that could be from that incident, the entire thing seems strange to me. Especially when I later found the receipt from my shopping at that supermarket, the date on it was August 24, not August 25, as the woman who reported me has stated. So the entire thing is a bit fishy, to say the least... Have to show up at the police department on Monday, then I'll learn more. But all this is really more than I can bear, I've been through too much shit over the last years, and I'm fed up.

I know I haven't posted much lately, and I'm feeling sorry for this. But since I'm a member for so many years, I thought you should know. I'm feeling so empty and I feel there's not much left I could tell. More and more, I'm losing interest in all kind of things; I know I've given up, but I can't do anything about it. There's nothing positive, nothing to look forward to. I'm also sorry for Luna and Lily who have to deal with me, they deserve someone better, someone with a perspective, and with a life. I have none, and I'm feeling terribly ashamed for this.

[Marigold2]

You have done nothing bad. And this is why I don't believe in Karma. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to monsters and lazy bums.
Just know that being a good decent person is it's own reward. You have everyones respect and love who know you and all hope for happiness for you. Things have to get better and they will. Please try and stay positive things will turn around and this is just a small blip on the screen of your life.

[Karen]

Oh, dear Kirsten, you do have a life, i promise. And even if we live far away, we still love you! I love your photos, you know that, you are a gifted photographer with any excellent eyes. If we lived even on the same continent, I'd say we should have a show, and I'd write a poem for each of your favorite pictures!

Sending big hugs, and a cup of cardamom cinnamon tea, to make you feel better!

That lady probably saw damage on her car, and just went "eeny-meeny-miny-mo" on who to blame, other than herself. As your receipt proves, it was not you!

[pomtzu]

Kirsten - please try not to feel this way. You are a wonderful person and have so much to give. You can't give up - Luna and Lily need you, and you are the best mom that they could possibly wish for. If I lived near you, we could hang out and you could TRY to teach me just a fraction of what you know of photography and decorating, as I have no given talent for it. Have you ever considered taking on teaching these - even on just a small scale?

As for the incident with the car, I think your dated receipt will clear the whole issue. Please keep us posted - we all care about you more than you know.

[lizbud]

Hi Kirsten, of course you don't deserve bad things in life. When you are
already dealing with health issues & money issues, any other bad thing that
happens makes us feel that it's the last straw. We feel beaten down. It
happens to all of us sometime or other.

Things that I have done to change my mood are;

!. Have a good cry. A real boo hoo.
2. Get into some psysical activity. Scrub floors,wash walls, go out for a
long walk,go for a swim.
3. Write down all the good things you have in your life, starting with Luna
and Lily.

[Marigold2]

One could always plot revenage on paper, then rip it cup while eating ice cream.

[Kirsten]

Thank you everyone for your encouraging words, and for your advice. Means a lot!

It's true, with everything constantly going downhill, incidents like the one with the police are more than I can handle. I really hope that receipt will make them believe I have nothing to do with that, even though it's still odd that the one who reported me knew my licence plate. Also, it's strange that this person has obviously waited a week to report me. The entire thing is so confusing! Will keep you updated.

[phesina]

Oh, Kirsten, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I wish I was nearby so I could give you lots of great big {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} and my cats could ~~~~~~~~PURRRRRRRRR~~~~~~~~~ and give you headbumpies.

That car incident had to be the last straw, too. You're already feeling bad, and all of a sudden you're hit with something like this, which was something you had nothing to do with anyway. I hope the receipt will settle the matter with the police.

I thought Marigold had a GREAT idea for coping with this! -

One could always plot revenage on paper, then rip it cup while eating ice cream.

Many more hugs and purrs and good wishes to you. Remind yourself that this woman who reported you is a nasty vengeful idiot who just wants to make trouble for anyone she can, whereas you have so many good, kind, thoughtful, smart friends all around the world who think the world of you!

And you have Lily and Luna! Remind yourself also of what blessings they are and how much you and they mean to each other and need each other.

,
Pat, Sydney, Poppy, Elmer, Bob, Sparkler, Lavinia, and Princess Poppaea Sabina Eugenia

[Anikaca77]

[QUOTE=Karen;2376548]And even if we live far away, we still love you! I love your photos, you know that, you are a gifted photographer with any excellent eyes. If we lived even on the same continent, I'd say we should have a show, and I'd write a poem for each of your favorite pictures!/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more with Karen. We are here for you. I feel for you because I have back pain, luckily I can get through some days without it but there are days like today that it hurts to get up from my desk at work. I also agree with Karen that you are a gifted photographer and I love your photos. They are so beautiful.

Take care,

Melissa

[Kirsten]

Thanks a lot for your support, Pat and Melissa!

And yes, Marigold's advice sounds great! :-)

@Melissa, I'm sorry to hear about your back, and I hope you'll feel better soon. Back pain is so horrible to deal with, my spine is so messed up, and I can feel another disc hernia coming (along with other things). Hope yours will soon get better!

[Karen]

Some day I hope they will be able to replace spines as easily as they now do knees, etc.

[Freedom]

Karen said what I would, if I could put things in words as well as she can. And lizbud's suggestion to write the positives is nice, starting w/ Luna and Lily O YES! I am sure the 2 L's love you, Kirsten!

Now Marigold's advice, I just LOVE that!

When I have health issues, suddenly everything seems as big as the Alps, and I must climb all of them: at the same time! So I suspect this has a lot to do w/ you feeling so down just now. I pray that you can find some peace through all the health issues.

ANY visit by the police is enough to tie a person in knots! UGH! I am glad you found that receipt.

Yes, you ARE loved, you are a treasured member of this community. And you DO have gifts, special talents, which you and only a few rare others have. Photography, and a command of languages. These things are going to help you through. Lean on us, enjoy your gifts, curl up and listen to the purrs of the L girls.

[Scooter's Mom]

All of this, and even more. You're so special to so many people.

((hugs)) to you, Kirsten.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kirsten, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a lot of bad things right now. Please remember that you have many many cyber friends who care about you. I've always admired your photo's and photography skills. I'm sending you some positive vibes and lots of cyber hugs. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Kirsten]

Thank you, girls, for saying this... Means a lot! Wish I'd feel better, healthwise, so I could be more active and do some things to get my life back.

Well, tomorrow, at noon, I'll have to show up at the police station and I'm beginning to get nervous. Never had to do something like this before; makes me feel guilty even though I do no believe I've done anything wrong. Will keep you updated.