If your child was gay..

[CathyBogart]

I owuld not want any child I raised to feel like they had to hide anything like that from me, or that that someone they loved wouldn't be a welcome part of my family.

[Oggyflute]

You have to support your children, so yes. We have a few friends that are gay, and whilst they have told there parents now, the lead up to telling them was quite stressful. As it turned out though they had no need to worry. In fact one of our friends has an even better relationship with his mother now that he is so open and honest about his situation. His only problem now seems to be his relationship with his partner, who I feel is just using John's emotions. This can happen in any relationship, but it's sad to see one of your friends getting used. (Carole is quite forward about it and has told him to leave him on numerous occasions )
I guess if your partner is one you really want to be with, then you should introduce her to your Mum. You will probably be pleasantly surprised in the love and support she gives you.

[carole]

Yes I would want to know.

[jenluckenbach]

Allow me to answer by giving you MY life.......

Even though I am not gay, I had a very difficult time telling my parents about Charlie when we started seeing each other. It was MONTHS before I knew that if I wanted my partents to continue to be part of my life, I had to make it clear that THIS was the man I was going to marry and I should not have to keep the happiest time of my life a secret.

You see, Charlie is 18 years older than me, and I was only 18 when we met. ALSO, he was not actually divorsed yet and (I came to find out later) my mom's main concern was that he was not an "educated" type. She worried for my financial future.

But even though that time of confrontation was the most stressful thing I have ever endured, And there was a bit of uncomfortable between us for a while after, it needed to be done, and my parents came to accept and yes, even love my Charlie.

So I think the point is that you need to open up for YOU. Secrets eat away at you. They also build up resentment.

So take a deep breath and think of me, a very shy 18 year old who rarely ever spoke to my parents about personal topics, and just do it. You will feel wonderful.

[Kfamr]

I wouldn't want my children to hide something completely normal and loving like that from me. If they can't trust and tell their own parents, who can they?

My mother and I have had many conversations like this. Although i'm not a Lesbian, I don't really have a concern as to whether or not I fall in love with a man or a woman, i'll still love that person no matter what.

[finn's mom]

I voted yes. Parents don't need or want to know every single little detail of your personal life, but, most things shouldn't be secret. And, I wouldn't worry about posting this in here, you were wise to put it in the doghouse (I hate that it's controversial, because it's your heart, but, anyway). I'm happy for you that your relationship is working out so wonderfully! And, I hope that your parents and your girlfriend are able to meet. Good luck with everything!

[anna_66]

I liked how wolfsoul said it best...
I would hate feeling left out of an important part of my child's life.
I wish you good luck.

[ramanth]

I voted yes. I would hope my child would know that I am open to anything and wouldn't judge them.

[cloverfdx]

This is the situation, I've been "out" since I was around 16. Some of my family members know, all my friends and coworkers. But I still haven't told my parents. I know that my dad knows, because he's commented on it (not in a negative way, just letting me know that he knows) but we've never actually talked about it.

Oh Laura i can totally sympathise with you on this. I too am in the same situation, i am sure my Mum knows but we have not realy had the full on talk yet, just little hints dropped every now and then from both her an i .

I guess if i was a parent i would want to know.

I would hate feeling left out of an important part of my child's life.

Jordan that is how i see it. Although from this end it is one of the hardest things to tell a parent .

[caseysmom]

Definetely yes, in that same situation I most likely would have tried to talk to you, but I am pretty open minded. My biggest concern is that my childs partner is good to them, whomever they are.

My husband would be wierd about it I am sure, its too bad that people can't realize that their children are people, not an extention of themselves but individuals.

[Logan]

I just lost a long response to your question, Laura......my fault with this crazy laptop and that stupid touchpad! LOL!!!!

I'm a parent........I love my daughter, just as I know your parents love you. What loving and responsible answers you have gotten here to your question. Parental love is like nothing else, for sure. And I have to tell you that although I want my daughter to have an "easy" way in life, without people passing judgement on her and her lifestyle, I will still be with her, regardless, and I want to know what makes her happy. Yes, I would want her to tell me!!!

I can't pretend to understand the gay lifestyle because I don't live it. One of my best friends has a daughter that is gay. She is totally accepting of that relationship and who her daughter is. Isn't that wonderful?

I know that many parents have negative reactions to the point where they "disown" their kids. And the children, like you, are afraid to even bring anything up to them for fear of being judged or punished in some way. Parents do this in the situation of homosexuality, but also do it with a child who is preganant and unmarried, or an interracial marriage/relationship situation. In all honesty, I hope my daughter doesn't have to face the fallout from judgemental people because of something like this. I would be disappointed, but I would not love her any less and I would want her to feel comfortable telling me everything.

I fully support you to talk with your parents about this when you feel the time is right. You are a loving, caring person who anyone should be proud to have as a daughter. I can't remember ever hearing a negative word come out of your mouth on this site. If I were your mother (and I guess I could technically be your mother because of my age), I would love you and appreciate your honesty, no matter what you had to say. It's not like your "secret" is something that is illegal or even uncommon!

Hang in there and feel free to "vent" or ask questions of me anytime you wish. I hope that you will be able to open up soon so that this burden can be lifted from your shoulders.

My faith teaches me that we should be open to all........and I embrace that theory, completely!!!!!!

Logan

[wolfsoul]

Originally posted by Logan

I know that many parents have negative reactions to the point where they "disown" their kids.

That is the case with a friend of mine. I always knew he was gay -- it was just so obvious. He acted like your typical gay stereotype. But he always denied that he was gay. Finally, this year, he "came out." His parents used to love him because he is such a successful guy -- he gets good grades and everything. But now they barely talk to him. They took away his car. They took away his allowance. All because of who he is, and who he's ALWAYS been. And even after all of that, he is the happiest he's ever been. A big burden was lifted off of his chest and he feels so great. He even has a really cute boyfriend, and he's just so happy. He doesn't regret telling his parents one bit. I think he felt caged before, and now he feels free.

[dukedogsmom]

Wolfsoul, that's really sad about your friend. There's a very young new guy at work whom several of us think is gay but he just got married this past weekend. It's kind of obvious that he isn't straight so we're wondering why he's doing it. I'm thinking just because of parents or the general outside world. I'm afraid he's making a big mistake. I've wanted to talk to him but don't know him and have no idea what I would say to him.

[LKPike]

I like to think if I ever have children, we'll be so comfortable and trusting with each other that they wouldn't stress or feel shame about telling me *anything*...

[cookieluver7]

If I were married and had kids I would like to know if my child was gay or was lesbian. I think that parents should know that kind of thing about their kids because their children are an important part of their life. I think that it would be a bad idea not to tell your mom because if and when (you know she will eventually) she finds out she will be upset that you didn't tell her and make it seem like you don't trust her. She will always love you no matter what your decisions in life are. Good luck and big ((((hugs))).

Also, I think that answered your question but if not, I voted yes.

Abby