I could just puke...

[Karen]

If he said "if you're so unhappy, go find someone who will make you happy" it sounds like he doesn't care much about you or the relationship you have. Time to find someone who will respect you!

[K9soul]

Originally posted by Kristl
He just told me that there are certain things about me that he can't stand and that if I will just make an attempt to try change some things, then he will be more respectful of my feelings.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer but this statement makes me very sad. I don't think you should have to "change" in order to earn his respect. He should be giving you respect freely, even if you drive him nuts sometimes, we all drive each other nuts sometimes. I dated a guy that started treating me that way too towards the end of the relationship. He actually didn't seem too worried at the prospect of losing me and kept getting more and more hurtful and disrespectful. I cared for him and let things go but all it did in the end was make him lose complete respect for me and at the end, he was mocking me for my persistence in trying to make things work.

My husband now, when I first started seeing him, I worried so much how he'd react when my own little quirks and problems started coming to the surface, if he'd react the same way, push me away. But over and over again, when I would express to him that I was afraid he'd change his mind about me once he experienced my problems with anxiety and mood swings (which were much worse at that time), that he would want to get away. He told me time and again that he loved me just the way I was, and would not change anything about me. He still tells me that today, almost 10 years later, when I worry about making him unhappy. I feel the same way about him. There are little quirks and things he does that sometimes drive me nuts, but I wouldn't change anything about him. That's the way it should be I think.

It just really sounds like he is not appreciating and respecting you the way you deserve. I do not think he should give you conditions in order to get his respect. I know you care for him, and I hope you can have a nice talk with him and iron out some things, but if he is unwilling to give you respect or only will give it under certain conditions, I think you should let him know that is not acceptable.. and perhaps rethink the relationship. It is not easy.. I knew with my first boyfriend that he was not treating me right, but it was so hard to let go.

{{hugs}} to you.

[Kristl]

It's just really hard right now...all my friends are "our" friends, his mom calls me her daughter in law, my parents LOVE him. I am glad I can post this here and get some outside opinions. When I talk to my friends about this, they say, "oh, well, screw him. Let's go out drinking." Yeah, like that's gonna help the problem! You guys are right, and I need to stand up for myself. If I don't I'll end up a raving lunatic!

[K9soul]

I feel for you very much, it is a hard and difficult situation for you. Sometimes people say do this or do that but it is never that easy and no matter what you do, there is a huge amount of emotions involved in it. Just do your best to make the choices that you know are best for you in the long run. I hate to think of you being hurt so much.

[carole]

Whatever you do Kristl DON'T let him turn this situation around and put the blame on you, which by the statement he made, sounds exactly what he is trying to do, people are great at doing this, changing a situation that they are at fault, and turning it around to make you look like the one with the problem.

By all means address the concerns he has, but DON'T let him make you feel , you are the only one who needs to make changes, and make sure he does some soul searching too, and deal with this girl , if it causes you to be upset and rightly so, he should be MAN enough to say NO MORE, I love Kristl and her feelings are important to me, and I have to respect that and do the right thing and tell this girl to LEAVE ME ALONE.

You have invested three long years together, so do try and work things out by all means, just make sure he puts his full 100 per cent into the relationship as well, good luck dear.

[christa]

Originally posted by Kristl
He just told me that there are certain things about me that he can't stand and that if I will just make an attempt to try change some things, then he will be more respectful of my feelings.

Don't EVER change for a man! If this one doesn't like you for you, there's someone out there that will! TRUST ME! I've been through my share of idoit bf's!

I dated a guy once for probably 6 months longer than we should have been together . . . then we ended our 2 year relationship and it was wonderful! I was free of that guy!!! We were miserable together but we both felt that we just couldn't throw all that time away . . .

I'm here to tell you that you're NOT throwing that time away! You have learned a great deal from this relationship and you'll take that with you. I remember my relationship with "that guy" and there were some good times . . . more bad, but I did learn a great deal!

BTW, 2 weeks after I dumped the above mentioned guy, I met a new guy, my future husband! We dated for 5 YEARS and have been married now for almost 2 years! He is WONDERFUL and he has always treated me like a queen!!!

Please, don't settle for anything less than you deserve . . . and if you need to talk more, PM me! I hate to see you "change" anything about yourself for this guy . . . you seem really cool!

[Kristl]

Today I had to get off the phone with him because I was about to cry. I said we needed to have a talk tonight and he was like "what now?". I have always said to him when I am mad "you don't care about me". He gets really mad when I say that and he says that if he didn't care about me he wouldn't be trying so hard to help me. I know he does care, but I think he thinks that he can do whatever and I cant. I'm starting to feel like he can do whatever he wants and I am supposed to stay at home and clean or something. Well, I am not going to be the barefoot, pregnant wife that he probably wants...NO WAY! We do have a lof of fun together, and he is truly a good person, I just don't know whats gotten in to him lately. I'm starting to think that he's trying to push me away...make me get rid of him so he doesn't have to be the one to do it. Maybe I am just over analyzing the situation...I don't know. He knew how I was when he met me, so what's different now? And Christa, you're right...no woman should settle for less than being treated like a queen...not just good, but great! I more or less kiss his a**. Don't I deserve something in return? I think so!

[Jods]

I'm guessing your night at Pizza Hut didn't go well then huh?? Do you guys live together?? Maybe if you take a break from each other you will both realize how much you mean to each other or not. It will be a good test for the relationship and that way you both won;t be hurting so much. It also gives you a chance to see that you CAN live without him. If after the break he isn't on his knees begging you to come back then you'll know what to do...
hope this helps. I know you love him tons, but you'll regret it if you don't try to figure it out now. When you say you wanna take the break don't be in an upset state of mind you'll say things you'll regret and so will he. It won't work that way. If he doesn't do well with the "we need to talk" bit don't use that it will put him on the defense right away. Hope you two work it out its obvious you love each other and if not its not ment to be and don't dwel over it.
jods
PM me anytime you need anything.

[NoahsMommy]

Irregardless of how many "oops" you've had, there is NO EXCUSE whatsoever for anyone to not respect the one's they "love".

I'm sorry, but what he said is a huge red flag and sounds a heck of a lot like he cares more for himself and what he wants.

You deserve someone that values your feelings above their own.

It is a very hard situation and I wish you well. I hope he can get a new perspective soon and see how great you are.

Take care.

[micki76]

Originally posted by Kristl
I'm starting to think that he's trying to push me away...make me get rid of him so he doesn't have to be the one to do it.

It kinda sounds that way. Some men do that, so they're not the "bad guy".

I agree with christa, you're not throwing time away. Now if you stay in a bad relationship when you know it's bad, then you are just wasting your time. I know, I stayed married for nearly 4 years, because "I had time invested". I just ended up wishing I'd gotten out sooner.

Make it better or make a change, and if he doesn't want to help make it better, then you're better off without him.

Good luck!

[Kristl]

He just called to say he's on his way over. He said he'll get bitched at for a half hour and then go home. I told him he was not going to get bitched at...I have about 15 minutes to figure out my speech...

[Karen]

Good luck, and remember - you deserve respect. And attention. And you don't necessarily need him, or his "help" that isn't really helping. Equal footing, equal partnership .... you are not clay to be molded, but a real human being in your own right!

He said he'll get bitched at for a half hour and then go home.

That sounds to me like a relationship ender! Why bother?

[Kristl]

Karen, I know what you mean...why DO I even bother? Maybe because I got too comfortable and am scared to be on my own? His own mom is PO'd at him...he's starting to act like his dad, she says...which is a very BAD thing! She's told me that she loved his dad so much...married him twice before she figured it out. Now she's married to a great guy and is happier that she's ever been. She says I remind her of herself when she was my age! But it's true, Nick acts more like his dad every day, which is a bunch of bad words jerk! I'll let ya know how it goes...

[Karen]

Waiting ...

(I hope it went well, and if it didn't, that you'll move on to a happier place in your life!)

[Aspen and Misty]

Just found this thread.....


What happened tonight?

Ash