Been a while but I need opinions

[RICHARD]

Kim, I don't know you well enough to offer much advice - but I think what everyone else has said to this point is very good.

My thing is about Tony - the above comment of yours just jumped at me. Get the locks to your house changed. If he can get his mail, he can get other things.

Take a cardboard box and label it YOUR MAIL.

(decorate it with pics of flowers and sun-shiney things, then leave it on the porch.)

[robinh]

Unlike everyone else, I don't have a lot of good advice but will tell you that I understand your feelings. My significant other and I haven't spoken to my son, daughter-in-law and grandkids for two years as of October. We're not sure what we've done, but after a couple of attempts of trying to get them to talk to us we gave up. They only wanted to see us if they wanted to, but told us we should stop over any time. When we'd go over, the adults would leave the room and leave us with the kids or they were on their way out. We were never invited to family dinners/event; whereas her parents were. We were told at one point that we didn't grandparent the right way.....the right way? Didn't know there was a right way.

The stress of it all was just too much for me. I'm in therapy for depression and anxiety myself. If I think about it, I start crying. Therapist said to wait until I'm stronger before we do anything else.

Catnapper, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[sasvermont]

Hey, long time for me too.

I have thought about this response since reading your post late this afternoon.

I think Karen is correct in that all of you could use the expertize of a counselor or therapist to get things smoothed out. I don't think that will happen though, from the sounds of it.

I learned a while back that: 1. You do not get to pick your relatives, but you do get to pick your friends. 2. Live by your rules if you want to win at your game. 3. If you can't be with the ones you love, love the ones you're with. 4. Surround yourself with people who truly love you and want to make you happy.

I suspect your kids are royally pissed off because they are not getting their way. Their way is what your hubby set up long ago. Your kids are adults now and should not be expecting to be taken care of at this stage in their lives. They need to cut the umbilical cord. It seems as though you are trying to do that but they aren't getting the message.

G-parents always baby sit for g-children, but on the G-parents terms, not the parents' terms! Don't be taken advantage of. If they have somewhere to go and can't get a sitter, oh well. Things happen. They should find a neighborhood teenager to child sit, as back up.

None of us have the "Hallmark Hall of Fame" family. That is just on TV. We all have our struggles, its just that we don't talk about them all that often. I could tell you family stories that would curl your hair!

How about you and hubby having a b-b-q for the entire family. Ask everyone to bring a dish so all the expense etc. is not on your shoulders. Share the expense, if you will. Make it for a day/night that is good for everyone, well in advance. Keep pretending you have a great family, and who knows, they may just feel comfortable being normal and nice and considerate..... young adults.

Your G-children will be old enough someday, to come see you on their own. You may have to wait a few years for it, but sometimes that is all you get.

I feel sorry for you and just know you are not alone with this problem. Families are difficult sometimes. You have a loving, wonderful husband and not everyone has that..... so enjoy each other....keep to your rules that work for you....keep inviting them over....sharing etc. and if they don't want to play, then so be it. Their loss. You have each other.

Hugs,
SAS