You and your hubby are fine. It's your CHILDREN who need therapy! How ungrateful can they be? Just keep doin' what you're doin' and let the kids sleep in the messy bed they have made for themselves and their children. You might call them and offer to see the grandkids (leaving them out of it). On Christmas give the grandkids amazing presents and give the parents a card. They will get the message, believe me. You are not doormats anymore and if they want positive things from you, they will have to respect you first.