opinions wanted family issue

[pomtzu]

Kids like to please, and when they know you love them, they try hard to please you. Harshness teaches them nothing other than fear. A huge misconception is that kids of the past were more respectful. That is not true. They did not respect their elders. They feared their elders. There is a big difference. Respectful people behave in the same manner around everyone. Fearful children 'act' respectful in front of adults they fear, and will be disrespectful as soo as your back is turned, guaranteed.

Of course kids like to please, but they don't have to be threatened or beaten into submission. A child, no matter how young, can be taught in a positive way about manners and respect, and they will love, not fear. I did not fear my parents, my children did not fear me, and my grandkids do not fear their parents (my children). I never took my kids anywhere and feared they would act up like little monsters or spoiled brats - whether it be to a public place, or to a friend's or relative's house. I'm not saying that they couldn't be ornery and try my patience by doing things that they knew they shouldn't, but they also knew how far they could go in testing me. And as I said before - children are never too young to be taught manners and respect, and you don't have to be a drill sergeant or carry a whip to do so.

[Alysser]

This is coming MORE from the 3 year olds POV to be honest. I have very little experience with kids other than having a job working with them for 3 years as a costume character. Being 19, I don't have a kid. I am not claiming to be an all-knowing expert in child rearing because that is CERTAINLY not the case, heck I have never even babysat before, but I do have a more "up to date" insight on being a kid I guess.

I do get annoyed when people say my generation is disrespectful, rude and spoiled. Frankly, not all of us are, obviously. Now, I know a bunch of jerks my age, who curse at their parents, yell at them, etc. My co-worker being a perfect example. His mom works at my job to and he gets away with what I consider murder. I have never seen a more disrespectful kid. His mom just sits there a takes it, so I assume that it is partially her fault. My other co-workers and I were stunned when we first saw him acting out like this. NEVER in my life would I think of cursing at my mom. Sure, we do fight, but that's normal. But I would never curse at her or disrespect her. I don't fear her, my parents have never been abusive. They are my parents, why would I disrespect them? Most of my friends are the same way.

Like someone said, I really don't remember being 3. But I do know, we never really misbehaved in public as children. We as in - me, my brother and my sister. I am sure there is the occasional tantrum. That also went for other people's homes. Actually, as a kid I cannot even begin to imagine wreaking havoc in someone else's home. But having been around kids for a certain amount of time I do know there is a big difference between a 3 year old acting out and a 7 year old acting out. I was a costume character. Kids were often pulling on us and things like that. I found it fine when a three year old tried to move my head around (as a costume character), they are little and curious. A 7 year old doing it, normally I was okay with if they were gentle. Some of them were, but most weren't. I was once kicked by a 7/8 year old because as his mother said I was scaring him. He was scared a minute before when he was pulling my tail. What is the point of that story? Well really, a 7/8 year old should know better than to KICK someone. I've had even older kids kick, hit me, and where they find that appropriate I will never know. Many parents get mad at the kid, but some don't. That is where you have the problem. MANY of the 3 year olds were corrected, some even apologized, which was adorable. But really, I'm not mad at them, they are babies and really don't know better yet.

My point being, pretty much the same as PCB, especially the last paragraph. That being said, I've met beyond NASTY adults that weren't just having a bad day. Bad parenting is in every generation, like it or not. Maybe this generation is a bit dumber but bad parenting is always in the cards. I was taught to respect my elders, so long as they respected me. I don't take crap from someone just 'cause their older. If someone is respectful of you, there is no reason to be nasty back, but some just are.

As for the issue at hand, I can't give much advice. Like I said, I agree with PCB.

[caseysmom]

I don't think my nephew thinks of my house as going to someone else's house, we are pretty close he is here pretty often I have just decided to try not to invite them altogether here but I have no doubt my bil will be rude with my grandkids when they are at that age too but my daughter will probably have something to say about it. I do think my sil misses some teaching opportunities that my daughter may not, my daughter is upset because they give my nephew pepsi in his sippy cup so there is a bit of excessive leniancy on their part.

[Cataholic]

On the pop in the sippy cup issue, unless you are giving it to the child all the time, carbonated beverages have about the same amount of badness as juice, chocolate milk, or those sippy pouches. Too much sugar. Ugh.

We dont drink pop, I never have it in the house, just not our thing. But most liquids are sugary calories with minimal benefits.