For wombat - Aussie jokes

[wombat2u2004]

The New Zealand Navy in Action

[Grace]

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France)

A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[wombat2u2004]

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
_______________________________________________


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France)

A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Hee hee. They are all very funny, thanks for sending them.
But I can imagine the questions that are asked, and the crazy Aussie answers given....it must happen all of the time.
I can remember selling our spare army slouch hats to GI's in Vietnam, we told them they were made out of kangaroo feather felt. And I had a mate who swapped a pair of our boots (they are leather, but he told the yank they were toughened Emu skin) for a jeep.
I don't know how we ever kept straight faces doing stuff like that, but we did...hee hee.

[carole]

Ah wom i love the ewe boat cartoon,awesome matey, i must check it out on line where you live, it sounds really nice,well it is like this wom if i did not have three cats, i probably could have afforded several trips over to the gold coast, so i guess i am stuck here for some time yet, but who knows i might win the lottery, not that i take a ticket very often,so my chances are not that good, i worked out by the time all cats have left for the rainbow bridge, cost wise, i probably could have bought a brand new car, can you believe that, oh well they are worth it, material things are just that material,nice to have both though i reckon, lol.

[wombat2u2004]

Ah wom i love the ewe boat cartoon,awesome matey, i must check it out on line where you live, it sounds really nice,well it is like this wom if i did not have three cats, i probably could have afforded several trips over to the gold coast, so i guess i am stuck here for some time yet, but who knows i might win the lottery, not that i take a ticket very often,so my chances are not that good, i worked out by the time all cats have left for the rainbow bridge, cost wise, i probably could have bought a brand new car, can you believe that, oh well they are worth it, material things are just that material,nice to have both though i reckon, lol.

That's right. Ya pets are a part of the family.

[wombat2u2004]

The Aussie Animal Whisperer

Aussie "That your dog?"
Kiwi "Yep."
Aussie: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Kiwi: "My dog don't talk."
Aussie: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Kiwi: (Look of shock!)
Aussie: "Is this Kiwi your owner?" (Pointing at the Kiwi...)
Dog: "Yep."
Aussie: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Kiwi: (Look of total disbelief)
Aussie: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Kiwi: "My horse don't talk."
Aussie: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Kiwi: (Extreme look of shock!)
Aussie: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Kiwi...)
Horse: "Yep."
Aussie: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Kiwi: (Look of total amazement)
Aussie: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Kiwi: “Yes” "Sheep lie."