Im not sure if this is a life lesson but it messed up my head.

[Karen]

I really hope he knew that both J and I where there in the end even if I froze up.

I'll share a lighter hearted story with you, maybe it'll cheer you up a little, or at least give you a chuckle, related to "freezing up" in a crisis.

Years ago I worked at a newspaper in the art department, where we regularly worked with X-acto knives. One day my assistant was in, not on the clock, he came in early to use the equipment to do freelance project. Well, he slipped with the knife, and hit a vein in the palm of his hand. Blood apparently arced out from it, and he walked over to my desk, trying to keep pressure on it, blood everywhere. He and I knew we needed to get a tourniquet on it, so he sat in the chair next to me and I told the people near me "Get me cheesecloth!" I grabbed a ruler, and one of the three people I had sent off came back with ice! "Cheesecloth!" I said, and she scampered away, and came back quickly with paper towel - no use in making a tourniquet! Thankfully the second person got me some. We fashioned a tourniquet out of the cheesecloth and the ruler, noted the time so he could keep track and loosen it periodically, and I set off to take him to the hospital. Long story short, he needed just two stitches, but lost a LOT of blood.

When I got back, probably an hour later, the girl who had brought me first ice, then paper towel stammered apology after apology, saying she never knew how she'd react in an Emergency - and now knew - badly! Another woman apologized and said "You know, I always thought I'd be good in an emergency, but as soon as I saw all that blood I nearly passed out. I had to go in the other room and sit down, I am sooo sorry!" And the third woman, who had always told me she'd either scream or faint at the sight of blood, worked right through the whole thing with headphones on, and only noticed as someone was finishing wiping up the blood on the floor right next to her!

[Asiel]

So sorry about waht you have to go through Blue. That's a horrible experience no matter how you look at it. But you can take heart knowing you were there and did everything possible. It will get easier with each passing day even if it looks dark right now.

[Alysser]

Wow, Blue, I am so sorry that happened to you. That is rough, but in the end you couldn't have done anything. I am sorry for that. But I hope you realize that it wasn't your fault and that in the end you were there. May K rest peacefully.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Blue, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to experience this and I'm sorry to hear about your co-worker. May K RIP. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[blue]

Thanks everybody, I really do appreciate it. I have an unauthorized plan for an unauthorized memorial to K Im going to put into action tomorrow and Im pretty sure I can pull it off, but it isnt whats below.

I was pretty messed up yesterday, and Im glad I wrote it out, it helped. Im going to talk with the boss when I get to the shop tomorrow about getting us all current on CPR certified.

I got queasy when I got closer to work today knowing I was going to have to work in the same room where K died, but it wasnt any where near as bad I thought it would be, writing it out helped.

Thanks again.