cheating

[lizbud]

This "story" sounds like it was lifted straight out of one of those old
romance story magazines, or paperbacks.

[Marigold2]

How dumb of me to think that I could honestly post my emotions here and my thoughts and some heartbreak. And perhaps get some support for this, it is hard on me as well to see two young people I truly love in agony and a child's life hanging in the balance.
I don't understand Lizbud why you would be so mean. These people are in pain........................
Shame on you for mocking this very painful time.
I am glad they came to me, if I could give them a moments love and support it is worth it.
As for advice if they didn't trust me and respect my advice they would not have asked.

This "story" sounds like it was lifted straight out of one of those old
romance story magazines, or paperbacks.

[carole]

Monica from what i read you have done nothing wrong, there is nothing odd about it at all, obviously these young people trust and love you and since they are unable to turn to their parents have turned to you, you also gave them the right advice to seek counselling, IMO not all professionals know everything, life experiences count for alot.

Yes sometimes people just need someone else to talk to, a problem shared can be a problem halved in some cases, a good example is what Queen of Poop had to say, if only someone had been there for her in her time of need, and most of us know what Gail went through, it was not nice.,and she is still paying the price.

Monica i would not get too upset about the negative comments towards you, you know in your heart what you did was right and that is all that matters, and plenty here agree with you.

I hope that your dear young friends, work things out and can stay together and have a happy life together in the future.

[carole]

Monica from what i read you have done nothing wrong, there is nothing odd about it at all, obviously these young people trust and love you and since they are unable to turn to their parents have turned to you, you also gave them the right advice to seek counselling, IMO not all professionals know everything, life experiences count for alot.

Yes sometimes people just need someone else to talk to, a problem shared can be a problem halved in some cases, a good example is what Queen of Poop had to say, if only someone had been there for her in her time of need, and most of us know what Gail went through, it was not nice.,and she is still paying the price.

Monica i would not get too upset about the negative comments towards you, you know in your heart what you did was right and that is all that matters, and plenty here agree with you.

I hope that your dear young friends, work things out and can stay together and have a happy life together in the future.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I don't understand Lizbud why you would be so mean. These people are in pain........................
Shame on you for mocking this very painful time.
I am glad they came to me, if I could give them a moments love and support it is worth it.
As for advice if they didn't trust me and respect my advice they would not have asked.

I have to ask; is this anything like disrespecting Gary Coleman's family in the other thread? I'm pretty sure his family is in serious pain and suffering over his death.
However, it's okay to laugh at his family but not okay for anyone here to comment on the content of this thread??

For the record: I'm not criticizing the fact that you helped someone that needed help, Marigold. I just don't get your double standard here.

[pomtzu]

This "story" sounds like it was lifted straight out of one of those old
romance story magazines, or paperbacks.

I was thinking along the same line - that the OP's posts read like a badly written soap opera. They are all so dramatic, and get more so as time goes by. And since we are only the readers of this soap, we know nothing of what was said between the 3 of them, and I for one, don't care. It might have been helpful to this couple, but then again, maybe not. And since this young couple appears to be very green regarding the ups and downs of marriage, they might be getting advice from an "older/more experienced" person, that they think sounds right. It must be - right??? - afterall - she's been married for a long time, so that must mean she knows what she's talking about.

Marigold - please stay out of it and leave the advice to the experts. And I'm not picking on you, and I would advise anyone on here - friend or foe - to do the same thing.

[Catty1]

The OP told them to seek professional advice.

[Marigold2]

The diference is Coleman is dead and cannot be hurt by what we say. And as far as I know no one hear knows him personally, they are not a loved one.

These people are alive and suffering...........I love these people very much and they love me.

She could not go to her parents, I understand why.
And for him, his mom did nothing but yell and make him feel worthless and as if he was a failure.
He is not, he made a mistake, he is young and these things happen.
I just gave them someone to vent to without the fear of being yelled at or told how wrong or how bad he is or who was to blame.
Everyone needs a person they can trust, someone who will support and love them regardless of the situation, in good and bad times in happy and bad time times. Not everyone has a family that they can go to or trust to understand and not judge. For some it's a neighbor or school teacher, a co-worker or pastor or a friend one has meet in life. Trust is a funny thing, you earn it without even knowing it, just by being you.
There are scores of people who feel alone and afraid in this world. Queen of Poop I am so sorry for your heartache. Hugs to you and I am hoping your life is a million times better now.
People sometimes feel they have no one to turn to, that no one will understand or be willig to help. In a world of billions of people when we are with people all day long, married, have parents and friends some still feel totally alone . Sometimes the person you trust and speak to is almost a stranger but in them you find some kindness or understanding that makes it ok to trust them.
If I have helped these young people and I know I have all the mean words and cutting remarks don't mean a thing.
Their happiness is what counts.

I have to ask; is this anything like disrespecting Gary Coleman's family in the other thread? I'm pretty sure his family is in serious pain and suffering over his death.
However, it's okay to laugh at his family but not okay for anyone here to comment on the content of this thread??

For the record: I'm not criticizing the fact that you helped someone that needed help, Marigold. I just don't get your double standard here.

[pomtzu]

The OP told them to seek professional advice.

I'm aware of that - as acknowledged in a previous post.

[Marigold2]

Perhaps some day you will need a friend to listen to your woes, to support you and to just listen and give love. With your attitude I hope you find someome. Or perhaps when you are crying in someones arms they will say, "sorry can't help you go to the pros"

I was thinking along the same line - that the OP's posts read like a badly written soap opera. They are all so dramatic, and get more so as time goes by. And since we are only the readers of this soap, we know nothing of what was said between the 3 of them, and I for one, don't care. It might have been helpful to this couple, but then again, maybe not. And since this young couple appears to be very green regarding the ups and downs of marriage, they might be getting advice from an "older/more experienced" person, that they think sounds right. It must be - right??? - afterall - she's been married for a long time, so that must mean she knows what she's talking about.

Marigold - please stay out of it and leave the advice to the experts. And I'm not picking on you, and I would advise anyone on here - friend or foe - to do the same thing.

[Catty1]

Marigold, I'm with you. Sometime parents aren't cruel - but are just emotionally unavailable.

For the last few years of my sister's life, my mom was involved with her, and necessarily so. I didn't resent that, but needed someone to talk to at times. Thank God I had a mom-figure at work!

[Taz_Zoee]

He is not, he made a mistake, he is young and these things happen.

He's made this "mistake" TWICE now. How many is enough? The next time he does this (and I'm pretty sure it will happen again) she will probably give him "one more chance". I just hope she's not staying with him because of the child. Because that does more harm than good in the long run.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be there for them, but I am just seeing it from the outside and this poor girl is naive to the situation. This is normal for her. It's very sad.

[pomtzu]

Clarification post - and the final post from me. I know there will be a sigh of relief at that thought!! Was that meant to be sarcastic??? - but of course. We Aries are well known for that trait!

First of all, let me say one more time, that I am not picking on Marigold. It doesn't matter who the OP is, if the issue was the same, I would say the same to whoever it was.

I also never said anything about having a friend to confide in. We all have them I would hope (yes Marigold, I do, believe it or not) - providing a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear to listen - but also smart enough to know when to keep quiet in certain areas. Marriage advice is not something to be given or taken lightly, and it should be left to the "pros".

I think Marigold was right for being there for her "friends" - to listen and not judge. What advice she offered (other than to seek professional help), is something that only she and the other 2 parties know for certain. Any other advice she may have given in regards to their marriage problems should definitely be a no-no - even if she was asked. What's right for one marriage, could be totally wrong for another. And as I mentioned before, I have seen friendships end over well intentioned advice (of various kinds) - even when it was asked for..

So since my well intentioned post wasn't asked for - I will leave!

[Daisy and Delilah]

Marigold, I have no problem with you helping a friend. That was a very nice thing to do and I think alot of us feel that way. A wonderful gesture.
I know Gary Coleman is dead. His family isn't dead. I don't expect any of the Coleman family to be members of this board and I'm sure they haven't seen the other thread. That is not my point.

The point I was trying to make is this; you seem to think it's ok to do whatever you feel like doing whenever you feel like doing it.
When a person posts something in response that you don't like, you always act like certain people are against you.
Is everyone required to back you 100% no matter what. However, it's not okay for us to make our comments if we choose to do so?
I was merely pointing out the double standard you have presented on this board many many times.

[snakemama]

As a newlywed, I sometimes seek the advice of couples who have been married for a long time when I'm unsure what to do, so this doesn't strike me as strange or inappropriate at all.

I think she was 100% right not to go to her mother...one piece of advice I got early on that makes complete sense to me is not to go to family with your marital problems. They love you dearly, and their vision of your s/o will forever be tainted by whatever it is you told them. You may forgive, because you are there every day to have the conversations, visit the counselor, etc., but your family only sees the picture you paint for them.

As a reformed cheater (Not on my DH, but in past relationships...) I hope her hubby has his head on straight and deserves this third chance he's getting.